The Family Bed – Should your Baby Sleep with You?

baby sleeping next to mom

Want to stir the pot with the new parents you know? Tell them you sleep with your baby. The question of how best to get a baby to sleep is a primary concern for every new parent, and the choice to co-sleep is one that often sparks strong opinions.

But is co-sleeping a good solution for parents and their sleepless infant? There is no simple answer to this question, and if you do any research, you’ll find just as many compelling arguments for co-sleeping as there are against it.

Any discussion of co-sleeping must first consider the safety of the infant. With the specter of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) looming over them, new parents are understandably cautious about placing their newborn in their bed. However, the fears of SIDS and the risk of smothering or “overlaying” a baby, which are commonly cited by parents apprehensive about co-sleeping, are not supported by statistics.

Studies suggest that SIDS may result from sleep apnea in infants. Sleep apnea involves a brief cessation of breathing during sleep, and the theory is that infants who cannot rouse themselves during periods of apnea are more likely to succumb to SIDS. Evidence indicates that, for a variety of reasons, babies in co-sleeping arrangements are less prone to SIDS. Contrary to popular belief, SIDS is not caused by overlaying, and overlaying is not a significant risk in the family bed. Certainly, parents who are heavy sleepers or under the influence of drugs or alcohol should not sleep with their babies. Outside of these circumstances, it is rare for a parent to roll onto a baby who shares the bed. (That said, many families choose to place the baby between the mother and the wall or a protective rail on the bed, rather than between the parents.)

As parents, you must decide if the benefits of co-sleeping outweigh any downsides.

The most commonly cited benefits of co-sleeping are:

  • Babies sleep better. Babies’ sleep cycles cause them to wake frequently. According to pediatrician Dr. William Sears, having an “attachment person” nearby soothes the baby, resulting in better sleep for everyone.
  • Mothers sleep better. Mother and baby tend to develop synchronized sleep patterns: when the baby wakes, the mother is usually sleeping lightly and can help the baby and herself get back to sleep without getting out of bed.
  • For mothers who breastfeed, feeding during the night is easier when the baby shares the bed.
  • Skin-to-skin contact is crucial for a baby’s development, and sharing sleep increases this contact.

The reasons some parents choose not to co-sleep are:

  • Fear of dependency. Many parents worry that once the baby is in the bed, they won’t want to leave it as they grow into toddlers. While there is little evidence to support this belief, parents must be willing to accept that the baby may sleep in the bed for much of their first year or longer.
  • The other parent needs to sleep too. Life can be challenging if both parents are regularly woken by a restless infant.
  • Emotional space. Couples may understandably want space for themselves and time to be a couple.
  • Physical space. There may simply not be enough room for the baby in the bed.
  • Overlaying. As mentioned earlier, overlaying is extremely rare, but anyone truly concerned about this risk should consider using a bassinet or crib for the baby.

To make the right decision about co-sleeping, you must weigh the pros and cons and, above all, do what is best for your family’s situation.

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