There are few things that compare to the first year of being a mom. Although this year is filled with more love and pride than ever before, it’s also a time when many women begin to question their maternal abilities. They reflect on their relationships with their own mothers and adjust to a life completely devoted to supporting someone else’s needs. Even though that someone else is their own child, it can be a difficult year of transition—one that is full of hilarious changes that could turn any woman into a poster child for Family Circle.
From the moment we become pregnant, we become mothers. The first real glimpse into motherhood comes when our bodies are taken over by a little person we’ve never met. It can be wonderful and frustrating all at once, bringing tears of joy or anxiety. We might find ourselves crying without really knowing why (a trend that will last through the teen years), simply because we’re overwhelmed with “mom-like” emotions.
When the baby arrives, there’s no doubt that a lot of hoopla surrounds the birth. Especially with a first child, it seems like few people understand or respect the need for boundaries, allowing the mother, father, and child to adjust and become a family. At this point, most of us learn that families are made, not just born. We hear about the deep, immediate bond of adoration and love that sweeps over new mothers after giving birth—but many of us struggle to feel that right away. Let’s be realistic: you’ve just delivered a bowling ball, you’re exhausted, nurses are poking and prodding you every few hours, and the baby is being wrapped so tightly that you think circulation is being cut off. And then there’s the breast-feeding, which can bring guilt if you choose formula, along with shots and tests galore. At this point, all you really want to do is sleep.
Take heart. This little child in your arms will take some getting used to, and as time passes, you’ll only love them more and more. Bonding doesn’t always happen overnight or in a single instant, and certainly not in the confines of a hospital room. It can almost feel like a letdown when a new mother experiences her newborn for the first time. After all, the baby doesn’t care who is holding them yet—except for the sound of your voice, they have no clue who you are. In that first year of motherhood, you’ll form a bond with your child that will surpass all others. But don’t expect it to happen instantaneously. If it does, great for you! But if it doesn’t, it is no reflection of your maternal instinct. It might be that too many people are hovering around, or maybe you’re not being compassionate enough with yourself. If your birth experience was difficult, disappointing, or not what you expected, bonding may not occur until those initial feelings are dealt with. Don’t worry—you’ve got plenty of time.
The Joy and Chaos of the First Year
Once you come home and begin adjusting to life with a baby, the joy of motherhood can truly begin. You’ll realize that you walk around without makeup on more than ever before, and you’ll have happily traded your favorite fragrance for the smell of spit-up. Most of your clothes will become stained, and you’ll start getting excited about things like diaper sales or baby conventions. You’ll probably go to bed earlier than you did at age 8 (but not for long). Everywhere you go, you’ll smell like Dreft, and your beloved Vera Bradley bag will be packed with everything from Desitin to Baby Motrin, just in case. This is how you know things are really getting good.
In the first year of motherhood, your living room and car will transform into playrooms that resemble daycare centers. You’ll suddenly become hyper-aware of every little hazard in your home. If you had pets before baby arrived, you probably don’t even remember their names anymore, and you’ll spend more money than you ever imagined on photo paper, ink, portrait sittings, and ridiculous clothes that make babies look… well, ridiculous. Your fridge, wallet, and keychain will be void of food (for you, at least), and will be jam-packed with pictures you feel the need to show everyone.
Another interesting thing that happens in the first year of being a mom is you’ll realize just how many “ugly” babies there are in the world. This isn’t because you’re being facetious, but because your baby is just so darn cute compared to everyone else’s. You and your partner (or your mom) might secretly talk about other kids, wondering if their parents know how smooshed-in and alien-like their faces appear. You might even pray for them, hoping they’ll turn into cute toddlers. After all, not every baby can look like yours!
The first year of motherhood will also make you dislike sex and question why you chose your husband. You’ll suddenly develop the ability to multi-task better than any man ever could—soothing a fussy baby while handling a conference call and loading the dishwasher. Your schedule will become so tight it’s almost distracting. You’ll make playdates for a child who doesn’t care who’s around them and will attend shows like Disney on Ice or Barney long before your baby will enjoy them. And let’s be honest—you’ll spend much of this first year stocking up on items that won’t be useful until your baby is at least two.
We also spend this first year of being a mom walking around as the target of criticism from every grandmother who’s ever walked the earth. They’ll chastise you for not putting hats on your baby, for dressing them too warmly, and for offering unsolicited advice on every decision you make. If one happens to be behind you in the checkout line, it’s probably best to let them go first rather than reveal the contents of your cart! Although well-meaning, these interactions are just practice for when teachers, friends’ parents, principals, coaches, and everyone else will want to tell you how to raise your child. So relax!
One truly remarkable and surprising thing about the first year of motherhood is that it is, by far, the easiest. Yes, you may be sleep-deprived and have no sense of self left, but once they start walking and talking, life gets significantly more difficult. By the time they turn 11, you’ll be questioning why people have babies in the first place. The advice is simple: Enjoy the first year, and take the time to love your child exactly how you see fit. Hold them as much as possible, rock them to sleep, lie on the floor and read books, build blocks—do whatever feels right and don’t worry about making mistakes or whether or not you’re a good mom. You are! Time will fly, and in a decade or so, you’ll be blamed for every problem they have, no matter what you did in this first year. So enjoy it as much as you can—and sleep when you can.
