Raising kids is hard. It takes a lot of things—one of the most important being flexibility. When you first start out, you never imagine things the way they are really going to be. You picture the love, the giggles, the adorable little smiles. You dwell in moments of holding a newborn, searching their eyes for glimpses of yourself. You imagine sharing this love with a significant other and believe wholeheartedly (hopefully) that this little creature will bind you together in such a profound way that nothing—ever—will come between you. You envision first steps, first loves, graduations, wedding bells, and becoming a grandparent as far-off milestones on the horizon of your imagination. But you never truly see the trials, troubles, heartbreaks, and struggles that finish off this package as perfectly as a red ribbon on a Christmas gift. Perhaps, that’s a good thing.
There’s a saying, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.” Once you become a parent, no phrase better captures the experience. Not every aspect of raising children is difficult, and while parents everywhere complain about the demands and pressures, the truth is—this is something sewn into the fabric of humanity. Like rain or snow. You complain when you get it and complain when you don’t. But with children, your heart becomes so tightly woven into the process that unraveling it is impossible. Every decision now has the power to deeply affect another person—someone you love more than words can express. And nothing can happen to them without affecting you, too.
A wandering mind—or one blessed with the experience of raising children—can spend a lot of time reflecting on what the hardest part of parenting really is. Depending on where you are in the journey, the answer will vary. The best way to approach the question is to start at the beginning.
The Early Years
At the beginning, the hardest part is simply figuring out what to do. The crying, the exhaustion, the constant 24/7 duty—it can feel like a college hazing into the world of parenting. Not only are you tired, but you’re also clueless. And God forbid your baby gets sick. When they do, it will feel like the hardest part of parenting. Watching someone you love run a fever, struggle to breathe, or cry in pain while you stand helpless—unable to fix it—is excruciating. On those horrible days when you have to watch a doctor stick them with needles or make them bleed from their tiny fingers, you’ll feel guilty and broken. They’ll reach for you, scream for help, and you’ll have to allow this “bad thing” to happen. That can feel like one of the worst moments in parenting.
Then they start walking, bumping heads on coffee tables, climbing out of cribs. Your days are filled with chasing, cleaning, serving. Some days they eat, others they don’t. Some nights they sleep, others they cry. Some days are joyful, others are draining. You question whether it’s all worth it—until they do something that melts your heart completely. And that’s when another hard part reveals itself: letting go of all the expectations you once had about parenting. All those firm beliefs and ideas about how life would be—gone. You realize life isn’t what you imagined, and that’s okay. You begin to learn the art of being flexible.
Then comes the day you walk your child through the front doors of school. With one step, they walk away from you in a profound way, and the illusion of control is shattered. Suddenly, they’re out in the world—surrounded by its dangers, challenges, and influences. And you realize, painfully, that the hardest part of parenting may be knowing you can’t always protect them. It’s time to let go, once again.
The Next Decade (or So)
The next decade brings even more change. Your children grow—developing opinions, personalities, and independence. You rush through your days, constantly on the move, and slowly realize that you’ve turned into your own parents. You once hurried to get them out of diapers to save money, only to run headfirst into financial chaos as they grow. Bills pile up. You try to give them everything they need. You work long hours at home and away. You lose touch with your partner. You feel angry, resentful, lonely. But you push through it—rationalizing everything and wondering all along if you’re doing any of it right.
Then your child makes a mistake—or several. They say hurtful things, rebel, struggle in school. They become emotional, distant, and difficult. They choose friends, music, and screens over family. You remember similar conversations with your own parents. You nag, you hope, you reach for them only to have them pull away. They slam doors, roll their eyes, and tell you they hate you. You smile through heartbreak because showing weakness isn’t an option. Unconditional love becomes your shield. And once again, this feels like the hardest part of parenting. Looking back, the tantrum in the grocery store seems minor—you’d gladly go back if you could.
Worry becomes a permanent fixture in your life. Not casual concern—real, heavy, aging worry. Worry about their future. Worry about their choices. Worry if you’re good enough. Worry about money, college, marriage. Worry about whether they’re happy, whether they feel loved. Worry about whether they’re safe when they don’t come home on time. Worry because you know they are slipping further away from you with each passing day.
The Last Chapter
And then they do. While you’re lost reminiscing about the journey, they’re already looking ahead. You can almost feel the threads of your soul being untangled from theirs—and it hurts more than you ever imagined. Then it hits you: this is the hardest part of raising children.
It wasn’t the money. It wasn’t the sleepless nights or the sibling rivalry. It wasn’t the fights, the discipline, or the stress of being the “perfect” parent. It wasn’t the playground bully, or the bad influence in high school. It wasn’t staying married, or the sacrifices you made. It was this moment—the one you knew was coming all along. The hardest part is letting go, and accepting that from the very first day, your job was to prepare for this.
Raising children is hard. There will be days—even for the best moms and dads—when walking away seems tempting, and you wonder if it’s all worth it. That’s human nature. Like complaining about the rain or cursing the drought. But while there may be a million hard parts along the way, none compare to the moment you have to let them go.
