The Importance of Date Nights: Why Don’t We Rate That Importance?
If we asked you to rate date nights on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being the highest score, what would you give it?
If you answered 10, that’s great—you’re on the right track. But if you challenged our scale and said date nights deserve a 100 as the highest rating, well, you’re a genuine troubleshooter. Bravo! Kudos to you. You can troubleshoot your car’s hazard lights, but if you can troubleshoot your marriage just as cleverly, spouses will be lining up to beg you to counsel their erring partners. “Tell my husband to switch off the TV once in a while so he can pay attention to me.” Or, “Can you coach my wife on how to tone down her anger, so we can focus on our happiness together?”
Marriage counselors, buddies, and therapists sure have a tough job, but maybe all we need is a home-made repair. To troubleshoot a sagging marriage, you don’t need a sophisticated, high-tech toolkit. What you need is a focus on the importance of date nights and the effort to organize them regularly to keep the flame burning.
What are we driving at here? We’re honing in on the love equation—tweaking your love life to come up with the magic formula to stay interested in each other. One way to do this is by bringing romance back into your life. Remember those courtship days when neither of you could wait to kiss, hug, and say “I love you”?
Importance of Date Nights: Have a Budget?
Well, we’ve got the mortgage, the kids, and even summer camps, so date nights might have to take a backseat, right?
Who are you kidding?
Date nights don’t have to be extravagant adventures that cost an arm and a leg. In fact, a memorable date night could be just around the corner. All you need is a little creativity.
On a chilly spring evening, throw on a pair of old sneakers, a cotton tank top, and some shorts. Head to the park (wait until dusk or dark, after the kids are home and having dinner). Hold hands. Yes, we said hold hands. Keep walking, and if it’s really chilly, you’ll find yourselves inching closer for warmth.
“It sure is nippy tonight.”
“You cold?”
“A little bit.”
“What if I put my arms around you, like this? Feel a tad warmer?”
“That’s lovely, yes, thanks.”
Parks have all kinds of nooks and crannies. Find a secluded spot and act like you’re 15 and 16 again. Do you remember those days, or are you still thinking about the mortgage? Shame on you, sailor.
Here’s another idea for a low-budget date night: how about going to a pizza joint that lets you bring your own bottle of wine? Afterward, watch some classic films you both adored when you were younger. Clark Gable, Steve McQueen, Debbie Reynolds, and Shirley MacLaine are still as golden as ever. If your wife has always loved Paul Newman, you could rent Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid for her.
For sports enthusiasts, this never fails. Dig out your old badminton sets, basketball, or rollerblades, and have a friendly competition. Whoever misses a hit, falls down, or fails to make a basket has to say, “I love you.”
Another idea: fill up your tank and take a scenic drive out of town. If there’s a full moon, well, you know how it can enhance the mood. It might not be a bad idea to bring along a blanket so you can stop at a lookout, gaze at the stars, and reminisce about the early days of your relationship—how you first met, what you thought of her hair, or how you found out he had no sense of fashion. Yet, you loved him even more.
If the budget isn’t a concern, you could treat each other to a concert downtown, followed by a quiet meal at a cozy, elegant restaurant where the waiters have charming accents and make you feel like royalty.
Why Are Date Nights Important?
Date nights are important for a myriad of reasons:
- Taking Time Off from the Kids: Let’s face it—the arrival of children can take away the time you once spent together. Sleepless nights, chauffeuring them around, arguments with teenagers, doctor’s appointments, school activities, and curfew struggles all add up. With so much going on, it’s easy to forget that your marriage also needs care and attention.
- Injecting Excitement into a Stale Marriage: Once in a while, we all need to feel that excitement—do you remember the first time love hit you, and your entire being tingled with excitement? We need to feel that excitement many times over, no matter how long we’ve been married—five, ten, twenty-five years. There’s nothing wrong with breathing life into a stagnant relationship. Never let yourself believe that your marriage is just a “recycled” union of two tired, bored people.
- Getting Re-acquainted: After several years of marriage, some couples may feel like they know each other inside out. But others complain that despite being together for years, they still feel they don’t really know their spouse. “I’m married to a stranger,” is something often said in therapy sessions. By organizing date nights, you’ll rediscover what makes your spouse tick. During your dating days, you were curious about everything—what they ate, what they thought, their views on the environment, and even the roaring of lions. That curiosity is vital. Don’t let it fade—it’ll keep the passion alive.
- Confirming Love, Not Rejection: Imagine the emotional turmoil of treating your marriage like a routine activity. Marriage is fragile, and it’s easy to walk away from if you neglect it. One of the main reasons couples divorce is that they stopped making time for date nights—those moments when you can express your love. By prioritizing date nights, you’re delivering the message that rejection is not an option and that you’re committed to making your marriage work, no matter the odds.
Final Thoughts on the Importance of Date Nights
One last thing: don’t turn date nights into “I told you so” sessions, or use them as opportunities to discuss debts, renovation plans, or dental bills. Make them “I just wanted to tell you that” sessions instead. Those moments will grab their attention far more effectively than a “I told you so.”
Make date nights a habit!
