Absence makes the heart grow fonder. For a married couple, especially one with a family, a little absence can be just the thing to refuel and recharge the marital and familial batteries. Too many couples fear that spending time away from their partners or families means something is wrong in the relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. Once you’re married with children, life can settle into a routine that feels dull, to say the least. This lack of excitement can lead to feelings of resentment and cause you to lose sight of who you are. Instead of feeling threatened or guilty about wanting time away from your spouse and kids, realize how beneficial it can be—strengthening your love and giving you the energy to breathe new life into your daily existence. The importance of time apart is clear when you see how great you feel upon your return.
The Benefits of Taking Time Apart
So, what exactly is “time apart”? Essentially, it’s any time you spend away from your regular routine. It could be just a few hours by yourself or a weekend getaway with friends—anything that allows you to completely disconnect from home responsibilities. No children, no spouse, just time for yourself doing what you love. You could go fishing, go shopping, or spend the weekend at a seminar or retreat. In other words, the sky’s the limit. When planning time away, it’s important to make the most of it. This doesn’t mean you should engage in reckless behavior or do anything that could hurt your spouse or family. Instead, focus on activities that are difficult to do with your family—things you love that may have been put on hold due to the demands of married life and parenting.
If you plan a weekend getaway with friends, ensure your kids and spouse know that you don’t want to be disturbed. If they call you every hour or so, you’ll likely feel guilty and not enjoy yourself. Instead, set a specific time, perhaps at bedtime, to check in. And if your kids are with your spouse or a sitter, avoid asking too many questions or feeling uncomfortable if things are being handled differently than they would be if you were there. Who cares if the kids are staying up late or if the kitchen isn’t being cleaned twice a day? Trust that your family is doing just fine without you.
Chances are, you’ve never planned a girls’ or guys’ getaway before. When you do, it’s normal for your spouse to feel threatened by your sudden desire to escape. Many spouses immediately jump to conclusions, thinking their partner might be cheating or questioning their intentions. It’s important to communicate openly with your spouse and explain that you simply need a break. Being married to the same person for years can lead to them seeing you in the same light, and they may have forgotten how much you enjoyed certain activities—like dancing or taking a break from the stress of responsibilities. Additionally, it’s crucial for each partner to maintain their own friendships and independent lives. Try to ease their concerns and reassure them, but don’t give in to guilt. In a few years, you’ll likely regret not taking the opportunity to recharge, and you might even find yourself blaming your spouse for isolating you.
Maintaining friendships can be challenging, especially after marriage. Once kids are in the picture, friends often seem even farther out of reach. However, these relationships are important and should be nurtured. It’s easy to forget how vital friendships are when you get caught up in family life. Friendships are often simpler to manage than family dynamics, but they are crucial for recharging your batteries and boosting your confidence and independence. Sometimes, the value of time apart isn’t just about escaping from your family, but about reconnecting with other people who bring you joy.
Planning a getaway doesn’t have to be expensive either. You might be surprised at how simple and affordable a trip can be, especially without children. If you’re unsure about taking an entire weekend off, consider something smaller, like an inter-tubing trip down a local river. You could try cliff jumping or bungee jumping—something exciting you’ve always wanted to do. Remember, this time is all about you. You don’t have to worry about whether your spouse wants to join you. If group getaways aren’t your thing, sometimes the quiet solitude of being by yourself can be just what you need. Reading an entire book without interruption or eating cereal for dinner might be exactly what the doctor ordered. Or maybe there’s a big game coming on, and you’d like to watch it at your favorite sports bar without explaining the rules to your kids or spouse.
Great couples understand that time apart can literally save a marriage. When two people are constantly breathing down each other’s necks, marriage can start to feel more like a prison sentence than a partnership. By taking time for yourself, whether once a month or just a few times a year, you can return to your normal life feeling more appreciative and energized than before. Absence truly can make the heart grow stronger! Instead of thinking that your life isn’t perfect because you don’t feel blissfully happy all the time around your family, remember that it’s completely natural to want some space. When the urge hits and you feel like you’re merely a shadow of the person you used to be, take the plunge and carve out some time for yourself.
