When people talk about the joys and sorrows of marriage, they could be speaking from a strictly romantic perspective or a more practical viewpoint. This distinction should give us insight into the kind of marriage they have—whether it’s one filled with happiness despite the endless challenges threatening its stability. Happily, there are resilient and committed couples who weather the storms together, believing that using temporary downturns as an excuse to give up is a sign of weakness or lack of commitment. Instead of feeling threatened or disillusioned, these couples choose to see these downturns as opportunities to make marriage work as a revered institution. This is truly commendable!
Another question we might ask is whether the joys of marriage outweigh the sorrows. A true romantic might say, “Of course!” As long as honesty exists in marriage, how could the joys not surpass the sorrows? Respect also plays a crucial role, as honesty and respect are the two fundamental ingredients for a successful union. These qualities go hand-in-hand because they are interdependent: without honesty, there is no respect, and without respect, there can be no honesty.
Efforts and Dialogue Go a Long Way
We strongly believe that marriage is one of the channels through which we can turn sorrows into joys. Some may be baffled and ask, “But if there’s cheating in marriage, how can that be turned into joy?” It’s true—finding out about a cheating spouse is enough to make us consider divorce or separation. However, if we want to save our marriage, this issue will likely be one of the questions for a marriage counselor.
After all, marriage counselors have a specific purpose—they know how to handle situations involving a cheating partner. Help is available. The key question is: are both spouses willing to accept guidance from an independent third party?
When we rely on our efforts and engage in open dialogue, we demonstrate to our spouse that we are committed to making changes and adjustments to ensure the marriage does not become a situation where couples remain together only for the sake of their children or financial stability. Sure, staying married for these reasons can be justified—children are valuable assets, and when other assets (homes, boats, retirement funds) grow substantially, staying married for these reasons alone may seem practical.
Still, it would be nice to have a marriage made in heaven, complete with unconditional guarantees and the little things that make our hearts flutter every now and then—like sugar, spice, and everything nice.
There are several concerns that arise during marriage, and millions of couples recognize them as surefire ways to provoke anger, resentment, or mild disappointment. We all know, however, that when these mild disappointments accumulate, they can be like volcanic lava waiting to erupt.
Let’s take a look at some of these issues and consider steps we can take to restore diplomacy and romantic love to an ailing marriage.
Concerns that Trigger the Sorrows of Marriage
- You remember the first time you met him—he had a six-pack of abs that were as tough as steel and the nicest biceps you’d ever seen. Fast forward 10 years. The six-pack you married now looks like he’s carrying six dozen apples around his waist. He used to sprint around you, begging you to marry him. Now, when you ask him to do his share of the chores, he’s dragging his feet. The extra weight is making you excessively obsessed. Talk to him. Just as millions are seeking help for obesity, he can too.
- Lately, you’ve noticed that you’re paying the bills from your own salary, even though her salary is now double what she was making when you first married her. She’s had one promotion after another, and you know her income closely matches yours. Yet, she hasn’t reached for her checkbook in a long time. Gently tell her (when you’re calm, not when you’re frustrated) that since marriage is a partnership, paying the bills should be a shared responsibility.
- Speaking of bills, we don’t understand why a wife wouldn’t tell her husband how much she spends on shoes and spa treatments, or why a husband wouldn’t disclose how much he spends on car and motorcycle accessories. There should be transparency about financial matters in marriage. Hiding bills from your spouse can escalate into a more serious issue, especially when both of you struggle to meet day-to-day expenses. When spending habits become a source of irritation, couples should consider talking openly about their finances.
- Dealing with the in-laws can feel like pulling teeth. Many couples experience a complicated love-hate relationship with their in-laws. Apart from financial issues, in-laws often become a point of contention between spouses. Just check the etiquette section of your newspaper or the Miss Manners column, and you’ll see that in-laws are a common source of marital strife. Talking about ways to come to a truce is a worthwhile effort. Why should your in-laws add to the sorrows of marriage?
And Now the Joys of Marriage
If there’s one thing that causes profound regret, it’s seeing a once-loving relationship turn into a disaster. When love fades, a certain sadness creeps in, and a loveless marriage can slowly drain our spirits.
Oscar Wilde might need to be reprimanded. He was known for his witty quotes. Here’s one that doesn’t quite fit with this topic, but we’ll include it anyway to lighten the mood:
He said, “One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
We don’t know if he faced severe criticism for saying this, and while there might be a grain of truth in his words, he failed to recognize that genuine love can actually thrive within marriage. The fleeting kind of love, which stems from non-committed relationships, doesn’t have a place in respectable society. Call it prudish, but marriage and its joys are still very much alive and well.
In the beginning, when two people are starting to build a life together, buying a house together is one of the greatest joys a marriage can offer. It reinforces the commitment of two people who vow to stay together, for better or for worse. That house will witness the joys and sorrows of marriage and will hold many cherished memories of a strong relationship, built upon the willingness and openness of two people.
We often wonder how to keep marriages exciting. Date nights play a huge role in this. Even after forty years, a couple can still act like the lovebirds they once were. What’s wrong with the old reliable routine of flowers and chocolates on ordinary days, or an occasional erotic email sent from the office? Or simply taking a walk in the park, holding hands?
Have you ever seen an older couple holding hands and giggling like young lovers on a warm summer day? It’s an endearing sight. Love has a way of erasing the wrinkles of time. When we see seniors in love, we don’t focus on their leathery skin, wrinkled hands, or unsteady gait. What we see is the true joy of marriage.
‘I know a girl who says the way to drive a man wild is to nibble on his ears for hours and hours. I think it’s bollocks.’ (Jimmy Carr)
