Do you remember the day you met your future mate? Maybe it was love at first sight, or perhaps you had to grow on each other. Maybe you married your childhood or high school sweetheart, or eloped with someone you met only a few months earlier. Your courtship, engagement, and wedding planning may have felt like they lasted forever, or you may have skipped all that. No matter how the two of you got together and decided to tie the knot, you ended up saying “I Do” to each other. But what exactly do those two small words mean?
“I Do.” I do what? Do you (name) take (name) to be your lawful wedded wife/husband? Do you promise to love, respect, and honor her/him throughout your years together? These are the questions asked, or a variation thereof, during the vow portion of the wedding ceremony. But do people really think about the meaning of these questions when they answer “I Do,” or are they simply reciting what they’ve been told to memorize? Thankfully, some couples take pre-marital classes that stress the importance of the commitment they are about to enter. Other people are simply cut out for marriage, and it comes naturally to both husband and wife. Still, some just never grasp it. So what does it all mean?
The term “lawful wedded wife/husband” is not hard to understand. You’re agreeing to the legal contract you are about to enter with your fiancé. This alone is a serious undertaking and one that should not be entered into lightly. As unromantic as it may be, marriage is, at its core, a binding contract. The second question, however, is complex, surreal, and possibly overwhelming to consider. Love, respect, and honor is a tall order!
Many people don’t have much trouble loving their mate. If they choose to get married for the right reasons—not out of lust, for money, or to get a green card—then love is usually one of the easier parts of marriage. Liking your mate all the time is another story, but love is generally not the problem. The respect and honor parts of the vow? Those take serious work.
Hopefully, a partner has a great deal of respect for his or her spouse, but unfortunately, respect can ebb and flow. Many factors can change one person’s level of respect for another, and marriages are not immune to this truth. A spouse who has let him or herself go physically or who becomes a deadbeat, preferring to play video games all day instead of getting a job, may not earn much respect from the other partner. Both parties need to work to maintain the respect they’ve earned before they even decided to tie the knot.
As for honor, many people probably don’t even understand what it means. While respect is a feeling, honor is respect in action. It involves showing reverence to the person you love and demonstrating your feelings and attitudes toward your spouse. Everyone needs love, and most must earn respect, but honor is the icing on the cake. It makes a person feel cherished and perhaps even placed on a proverbial pedestal. Honor gives someone a sense of being cared for.
The wonderful thing is that love, honor, and respect can grow deeper over time. If both partners stay true to the vows they took, their marriage will improve exponentially. Of course, this requires effort from both individuals. Partners must practice self-control and cultivate their feelings toward each other daily. Marriage is a big deal and requires a big commitment. Things become even more complicated with the addition of children. While some believe kids enrich a marriage, they undoubtedly make it more complex. Spouses must step up their game with each new family member.
What happens if love, respect, and honor don’t remain the same or improve in a marriage? Vows can dissolve because one or both partners are selfish and aren’t interested in fulfilling their promises. “I Do” gradually—and sometimes suddenly—becomes “I Don’t,” “I’d Rather Not,” or “I’d Rather Do for Someone Else.” Sadly, this happens far too often in our modern society. Many marriages fail because people either forget their vows or decide they simply aren’t worth sticking to.
Many people make the mistake of thinking that marital love is unconditional. It is not. Parental love is, but love between a man and a woman is a commitment. Some days, a husband or wife might not feel like being married. They may even feel that way for weeks, months, or years. But if their mindset is that divorce is not an option and if they believe in the power of commitment, the marriage will carry on…for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.
“I Do” are two of the most important words you’ll utter in your entire life. They are timeless, solemn, and life-changing. They form the foundation of the next fifty-plus years of your life with the person you love. They are sacred and monumental and should not be taken lightly. When you say them—or if you already have—think hard about what they mean. Commit to them, and love, respect, and honor them as much as you do your husband or wife. Live the words “I Do” for all the world to see…until death do you part.
One Response
love this