How can you tell if a woman is a mother? Is there a special look in her eyes? Is it in the jeans she is wearing? Can you tell she’s had children by the shape of her body or the twinkle in her eye? Is the sound of her voice forever changed, or is it the way she is constantly looking around a store as if she has lost something (her children) that clearly tips you off? Does pregnancy and childbirth change the aura, manipulate the eyes, or even become evident by a matronly pair of hips?
Truth is, its none of these things. The easiest way to tell if a woman has had children or not, despite the tired look on her face, is the size of her purse. Before women become mothers, they are often deeply connected to their purses. They have a different bag to match every outfit or occasion and season. These purses are often small, and fit little else besides the necessary glittery kiss friendly lipstick, a cell phone, car keys, and a wallet (that they have no intention on pulling out during a dinner date). And then, wham! A baby is born and suddenly they trade in their stylish, sleek, and sexy purses for the Mom Purse, which could pass as luggage – and likely would not make it through customs without a fuss.
What Does Your Purse Say About You?
The mom purse is perhaps the most defining statement silently made by a woman who has children. The mom purse starts off as a diaper bag, filled with enough diapers and wipes to keep an infant dry for days a time, plus Tylenol and a bulb syringe just in case the baby gets a surprise cold at the grocery store. It also stores freshly washed clothes that smell like baby powder, nail clippers (because you just never know) and some Benadryl and an epi-pen in case their baby gets stung by a bee. The smell good hand lotion of yesterday that used to fit into her purse has been replaced with some upscale butt paste ready to be applied at the first sign of a rash. And of course, there is hand sanitizer, some fancy ‘schmancy’ diapering pad and a host of other things that a real mama could simply never leave the house without!
As the baby grows, the mom purse grows as well, which means that the vinyl diaper bag of yesterday is traded in for a knapsack, backpack, or upscale bag. If it’s monogrammed, you can best your last dollar that the person holding it is a mother and that inside that bag holds the keys to meeting every single needs of a baby or toddler. You will find a soother or two, a favorite toy that helps to distract a child during checkout, and an extra pair of shoes in case one gets lost along the way. You might even find coloring books and crayons, stuffed animals and pajamas, as well as a tiny blow up toilet that can be used on the road during the all-important phase of potty training. Of course, there is still hand sanitizer, face wipes and likely even a personalized bowl, fork and spoon that a baby can use to eat with at a fancy restaurant.
Of course, no mom purse would be complete without books either. This way, even while mom is driving, pushing a cart through a grocery store, or waiting in line at the pediatrician’s office they can feel confident that they are using every opportunity to further their child’s education through a love of books. If you look really hard, you might find that somewhere in the middle of all those toddler books is a gossip magazine that is only pulled out during those random moments that the mom’s child is sleeping.
The worst thing about the mom purse, is that moms don’t leave home without it. Ever! This means that trying to go anywhere on time, is a combination of getting mom and baby dressed – as well as packing up the mom purse with enough protein enriched snacks and powdered milk to feed an army should the car break down during a blizzard on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. (Because you know, you never really know what could happen) And the mom purse becomes heavy over time. In fact, it probably isn’t holding the baby that makes a moms back hurt and ache the way it does, but the mom purse (that weighs as much as a tricycle) she slings around as her newfound security blanket.
The mom purse doesn’t contain lipstick anymore and instead is stocked with several different kinds of Chap Stick (all which contain sunscreen). Instead of an extra pair of thigh high panty hose, there are nursing pads and an ugly bra. Her portable bottle of perfume has been replaced by baby powder and the condoms she used to carry in the zippered part of her sexy single woman’s purse are gone. Forever. Replaced by quarters that she can use at the gumball machine to bribe her child through an afternoon of shopping.
So if you really want to know who the moms in this world are, simply take a look at the purses they are carrying. If the darn thing is big enough to fit an entire infant, chances are it’s filled with all the things that she ‘thinks she needs’ to take care of a baby, toddler, or child for one day. And if you ever run out of Kleenex, need some Motrin, or perhaps want to clip off that hang nail that has been driving you crazy all day – look no further than the mom carrying the mom purse.