Why is it that as soon as you get married or settle down with someone, people start asking about having children? They see the two of you together and automatically assume that you are planning to fill your home with the pitter-patter of little feet. These same people will poke and prod into your personal life, suddenly asking about your sex life just to see if little ones will be on the way soon. Talk about pressure (not to mention embarrassment)! Then, when you do decide it’s time, these same nosy Nellies will pat your belly every time they see you, their inquisitive looks making you want to slap them. “So, dear, are you pregnant yet?” Frustrating. The pressure to get pregnant for many women is absolutely real. Why would others who love you want to make it worse?
You would think that today’s couples wouldn’t feel pressured into having children. If they wanted to wait a decade before jumping aboard the baby-making wagon, then so be it. However, even if they don’t admit it, there is outside pressure to start a family. Even today, many people from all generations just cannot understand that some people may not want to be parents—right away or at all. Often, it’s mothers and fathers who unwittingly put pressure on their kids to “have me some grandchildren while I’m young enough to enjoy them.”
The Hidden Struggles of Conception
All this pressure can lead to other struggles as well. What if things don’t go exactly as planned? What if you don’t get pregnant right away—or even at all? What if you need to seek fertility help? Should you be forced to share such personal and emotional information with everyone you meet? Absolutely not. Moreover, the stress and pressure about whether and when to have children can actually hinder conception. It’s medically proven that excess stress can trigger hormonal responses that make conception difficult. There are plenty of women who tried for years to conceive, through hardships and turmoil, only to give up and then find themselves pregnant unexpectedly.
As a woman, the pressure is often worse. You can’t go to lunch with your sister-in-law and her herd of children without hearing the inevitable questions about when you’ll choose motherhood. Your neighbors and co-workers, all with children, will both curse and bless you for your non-child status. So many assume that the desire to have children is born in every woman, and that just because you’re reaching a “certain age” or have been married for five years, the urge should be hitting you as well. They forget that you may want to have children, but your spouse is the one holding things up. They may also not realize that the dream of having children is something you’ve been working on, unsuccessfully, for some time. It can be difficult to explain to others that you just aren’t ready for children—especially to your own mom, who probably doesn’t want to hear that.
Still, you have to wonder how many people have children just because they feel the pressure to get pregnant. It’s as if getting pregnant automatically earns you membership in some restrictive club. No matter what you’ve accomplished, others cannot seem to see you as successful until the little pink line appears. This societal pressure is inherent, passed down through generations, and very difficult to ignore. The truth is, however, that it shouldn’t force you into pregnancy and childbirth.
The worst thing is when you do decide the time is right, and suddenly everyone feels entitled to know everything about you. Many women bring this on themselves by posting on Facebook when they ovulate, with cute little winks afterwards. Others, however, are just bombarded by people invading their space. Suddenly, the pressure of getting pregnant becomes common knowledge, and everyone (including you) is counting the days or months that go by without success. You feel like a failure and want to conceive even more desperately, with the pressure mounting. Pregnancy, getting pregnant, and your feelings about having children (or not) are personal—and you are entitled to keep them that way.
One of the best pieces of advice you can follow when it comes to the pressures of getting pregnant is to keep the information on a need-to-know basis. This way, people won’t constantly ask you prying questions or put heavy pressure on you. Sure, they don’t mean it, but when it’s time for you to get pregnant, you need to feel as relaxed as possible, free from outside pressures and expectations. Whether things go as perfectly planned or not, your decision not to share your business with the world is a good one. There’s even an old wives’ tale that forbids telling people you’re pregnant until you reach the second trimester. Perhaps there’s good reason for that.
There is plenty of pressure to get pregnant. It comes from all around you, and sometimes even from within. What many people forget is that there is no magical formula for deciding when the time is right. Many people try to take things into their own hands, only to find a different plan exists for them. When it comes to getting pregnant, you should learn to let go, have faith, and keep your eyes open for all the signs that the time is right for you. The best response to those pressuring you is probably no response! Smile coyly, wink, and keep believing that when the time for you to become a mother is right, you will know! And it won’t be because people are pressuring you to do so.