Apparently, since half of married people will eventually divorce, discussing the pros and cons of divorce is an important issue. According to various reports scattered across the internet and highlighted in mainstream media, the vast majority of marital bliss is a myth. Many marriages are only perpetuated by the inability to make a decision one way or the other. “Should I stay or should I go?” seems to be the recurring question that married people wrestle with for years.
So here it is! The ‘ultimate guide’ (and yes, the term ‘ultimate’ is used lightly here) to the pros and cons of divorce. In the interest of positive thinking, let’s start with the pros!
Pros of Divorce
- It definitely has fewer ramifications than murder. If you’ve ever fantasized about multiple ways to get rid of your spouse, consider filing for a divorce instead. After all, living in poverty in a one-bedroom apartment is definitely a better alternative than a jail cell.
- You can finally act on those illicit feelings you’ve had for that special someone by asking them out. You can even re-enter the dating field (with the slight baggage of 20 extra pounds and 2 kids, of course) and make up for those sexless nights in your marriage. Good luck with that!
- You’ll never have anyone telling you how to do the simple things in life, like how to put away the dishes, when to mow the lawn, or chastising you for leaving the toilet seat up (or down, depending on your gender). You can live like you did in college with roaches crawling over empty pizza boxes—or for the Type A folks, alphabetize everything in your home.
- You can eat anything you want, whenever you want, without considering anyone else’s nutritional needs or desires.
- You can finally pawn or sell your wedding jewelry to get that special thing you’ve been wanting for yourself.
- You never have to listen to music or watch TV shows that you hate for the sake of your spouse. In fact, you can watch marathons of *Dancing with the Stars* or the Super Bowl over and over again without regard to what your partner thinks. Booyah!
- You can do whatever you want with your money, without needing permission or ‘discussions’ with your partner.
- No one will interrupt you while you’re using the bathroom or taking a shower.
- You can take all the covers, all the pillows, and fart in bed as much as necessary—without any backlash.
- You’ll never have to worry about your spouse killing you in your sleep (as long as the doors to your new home are kept locked).
- No one will be lurking around asking you, “What are you doing?” all the time.
- You won’t have to remember all-important dates like birthdays or anniversaries ever again. In fact, you can forget them completely!
- You’ll finally have the incentive to work out, lose weight, and get healthy—because you certainly won’t attract anyone of the opposite sex in your current state, right?
- Boys’ and girls’ nights out—without worrying about when you come home (that is, if you know any other single people your age to go with).
Cons of Divorce
- You’ll feel compelled to work out, lose weight, and get healthy in order to have any chance of attracting someone of the opposite sex again.
- You’ll be broke as heck, which makes crazy nights out on the town an oxymoron.
- You won’t have anyone to clean up after you. Suddenly, you’ll realize how distracting your makeup or razor clippings in the sink really are.
- There will be no one to grab a roll of toilet paper from the hall closet after you take a dump and realize the roll is empty. You might also wonder if your spouse was right all along about your inability to change the roll being a personality disorder.
- You’ll likely have to pawn or sell your wedding jewelry just to make rent.
- Cooking for one might sound like a dream, but truthfully, it’s a waste of effort. Your diet will likely consist of cereal, toast, ramen noodles, or fast food.
- It could be years before you find someone to have sex with again, and when you do, you (and they) might realize just how bad you’ve become at it after years of complacency in the bedroom.
- You’ll re-enter the dating scene, 20 pounds heavier, with 2 kids waiting for you at home.
- You’ll lose at least half your friends and family with a single signature.
- You won’t have anyone to remind you to load the dishwasher, mow the lawn, or take out the trash—things you’ll realize were pretty convenient, in hindsight.
- If you have kids, you’ll still have to deal with your spouse, and somehow, it’ll feel even more irritating than before.
- All your friends are married.
- You’ll have the freedom to watch whatever you want on TV, but that means you’re alone all the time. Then, you’ll remember important dates like birthdays and anniversaries and realize just how much you’re missing out on. Let’s not even discuss being alone on holidays.
Funny. But after re-reading the list, it becomes clear that the pros and cons of divorce are often a double-edged sword. While fantasies of ending your spouse’s life because of their quirks may make you feel like you’re rushing toward the edge of a cliff, at least you have a purpose in life—and someone to share it with. And as expected, the question returns: Should I stay or should I go?
