Break-ups are difficult. Most people get so stuck in the realization that they have reached an ending point in their life, that they fail to see that they have also started anew. When one thing ends, another always begins. The more quickly you can help your friend or loved realize that the relationship is over and they need to move on, the more quickly this person can find some semblance of happiness again.
The following is an open letter from a friend trying to help you get through a break-up.
The relationship is OVER. You need to move on. I know that right now you would rather sit in your apartment all day and think about what could have been, or the things you did wrong, but the truth is there is nothing that you can change now. Mistakes happened and the two of you just were not a right fit.
I know you really, really well and I know that there is someone out there in this world who is waiting for you. Who will be lucky to find you. The problem is you cannot find him or her if you stay holed up in your apartment or confined to your cubicle at work all day. If you don’t put yourself out there, the right person for you is never going to materialize. Plus, you are such an awesome person that you don’t need to be shadowed by a lover all the time.
It has been several weeks now, and the truth is that your ex is NOT coming back. They have already moved on. They have already made their decision about their future and it didn’t include you. If they are still calling you, it’s only because they want to make sure that they are keeping you on ‘stand-by,’ hanging on by the threads of your heart. it’s not fair, and I cannot stand for someone to treat you this way.
I know it probably hurts to hear this from me, your friend. The only reason that I tell you this is because I know you deserve better. You deserve someone who will see all the amazing gifts you have to offer and appreciate you. You deserve someone who will ‘get’ your humor, and who will have just as much energy for life as you do. You deserve someone who will share all your passions in life, and who will allow you to just be you rather than be something or someone that you are not.
It’s awful to see you this way. I promise, if you would just get up off the couch and come watch the game with the gang you would feel better. I know you think you would rather be alone. But, I promise if you start getting up and out again, things will feel better. Sure, you will run into a memory of your ex from time to time, but that is just part of life. A part of life that the sooner you master, the sooner you will thrive again.
Deep down in your heart, you have to know that your ex wasn’t good for you. I knew it the first time I saw the two of you together. Two years later, it turns out I was right. And the truth is, I think that your ex wasn’t good enough for you. I think that you are by far one of the most noble and thoughtful human beings on the planet. Sure, you aren’t perfect and you messed up from time to time. But so did they. The end of relationship is not just one persons fault.
The sun will rise again. No matter how bad you feel right now, life goes on. Life continually moves forward whether we want it to or not. My wish for you is that you would embrace this forward motion and at least start pretending that you are moving on. At first, it will be hard. But each and every day in which you accept the truth that the relationship is over, and you continue to put one foot in front of the other the easier it will get. And I will always be here to help you. Whether you want to cry, laugh, complain or heck’, even talk badly about your ex, I am the friend for the job.
The time has come to erase their phone number from your cell phone. Unfriend them on Facebook, because it is not necessary to keep tabs on them any longer. Do not answer any late night emails that they send you intended to keep you hanging on to the hope that the two of you will get back together. Stop going by their house, looking for their car in the parking lot of your favorite diner. Learn from your mistakes, and do your best to put the past behind you. This is the only way you can live in your present and future.
I am your friend. And I will do everything to stand by your side during this time of heartbreak. If you need me, you know I am just a phone call away, and you can reach me 24 hours a day. Please, let me help you move on so that the smile can return to your face, and the laughter to your heart.