The sweet innocence of a child is fleeting. As parents, we are aware of this when our children are born. What we often don’t expect, however, is just how short-lived this blissful innocence is for our second and third-born children, especially compared to our first. The reality is that maintaining the magic of childhood—keeping the secrets and fairy tales alive—becomes especially challenging when older children in the house have already been “shattered” with the straight facts about everything from Santa Claus to the Tooth Fairy, and even the fact that mom doesn’t really have eyes in the back of her head!
There is a part of every child that wants to believe in the magic of life. They want to believe that mermaids truly exist, and that somewhere in a faraway land is a forest that hosts unicorns and talking owls. Children want to believe that an imaginary, tiny fairy will magically and silently enter their room when they are sleeping, remove their baby tooth, and leave in its place a shiny coin or dollar bill. They want to believe. However, as they get older and come to understand, through common sense, the sheer impossibility of these things, it can be a painful part of growing up. It’s a moment where they have to let go of childhood whims.
This is precisely why older siblings often “kill” the Tooth Fairy, or “shoot” Rudolph, or “innocently” destroy these fairy tales for their younger siblings. While it’s often a mistake that they let the metaphorical cat out of the bag, it can also be a passive-aggressive move to level the playing field between them and their younger siblings.
Keeping the Magic Alive for Younger Siblings
The first Christmas without Santa is definitely a letdown—not just for the kids, but for parents too. Having a young believer in the house can be a magical way to keep the dreams and fairy tales of youth alive. The hard part is convincing older siblings that their younger brothers and sisters deserve to believe in these things for as long as possible.
Research shows that most children believe in things like the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny, elf magic, and other childhood fancies until around the age of nine. Even so, many children won’t admit they don’t believe but will instead start asking questions. Chances are high that some classmate—whose belief was shattered much too early—will start taunting and teasing them about these “childish” things. This is typically what prompts the questions.
If your child starts asking about the authenticity of the Tooth Fairy (or anything else), the best approach is to find out why they are asking. Ask them if someone said something to them, or if they overheard something. This way, you can creatively deflect some of the doubt they may be having. Additionally, reaffirm to your children that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, and those beliefs may differ from person to person. Since their desire to believe is so high, they will likely be swayed back in the direction of belief.
By the age of 11, most kids—whether they have siblings or not—have stopped truly “believing,” but will still play along with the facades. They either fear that they won’t reap the benefits (money for a tooth or gifts on Christmas) if they tell their parents they know the truth, or they still have a lingering desire to believe in the magic.
The trick, of course, when you have older siblings in the house, is to enlist their help in keeping the secrets from the younger children. First, have a sit-down conversation so they understand that you expect them to keep their “big mouths” shut. Remind them how much fun it is for small children to believe in wonder and magic, and be sincere in your request to keep their “newfound” knowledge to themselves. Second, empower your older children to help keep the magic alive!
Older siblings can experience the magic of childhood for a longer period if they are asked to help maintain it. They can have fun taking over some of the parental roles involved in making fairy tales come to life. For example, let them write notes from the Tooth Fairy, or be in charge of the elf mischief if your family has a holiday elf. Encourage your older children to tell stories about the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, or even mermaids and princesses, so that the magic of childhood isn’t stolen from your youngest children.
Even if you’re very clear with your older children that they cannot tell their younger siblings “the truth,” there’s still a good chance they might slip up. Your younger kids might not hold onto the magic for as long as your older ones did, and childhood fairy tales could be ruined much earlier than you’d like. Cherish the time when your children do believe. No matter how difficult it is to play along with the rituals and fairy tales of childhood, you won’t regret doing so for as long as possible. Children grow up way too fast as it is.
Some of the most wonderful aspects of having children in the home are the simple joys of belief. Through your youngest child’s eyes, not only do your older kids get to participate in magic for longer—but you do as well!
