You can swirl, sniff, and sip them from a mile away. You may even have a few friends you consider semi-snobs—the type who start talking about how they only drink Pinot Noir and wouldn’t be caught dead with a Chardonnay. They talk the talk and walk the walk, but when it comes down to it, they might just have to drink what you have.
These individuals are very picky with their wines. They swirl the wine until you feel dizzy and parched, while all you want is something to drink with your lasagna. They’re on their third bottle trying to find the best wine to complement their manicotti. They may be great people until you set a bottle of wine down in front of them. Wine can bring out the worst in people, and for the wine snob, it begins before the bottle is even open. They throw around wine lingo, talking about “flannel-like” tannins and “flat-chested” wines.
These friends may feel compelled to send at least one bottle back whenever you go out to eat. You’ve never had the guts to send a bottle back, even though you may have wanted to a few times. You hate to put extra work on your server, but your friend could care less. They seem smug when ordering wine, leaving you wondering, “Where did this person come from?”
Your friends may disagree with you completely. They’ll argue that just because they seek out good value for wine and aren’t afraid to spend $50 on a bottle doesn’t mean they’re snobs. So perhaps we’re looking at the scenario all wrong—maybe you’re slightly a wine snob yourself. After all, you enjoy a good vintage, especially if somebody else is buying.
Sure, the true wine snobs are those who attend $2,500 wine tastings, but you can also be a wine snob on a smaller budget. If you find yourself researching and attending tastings, you might be becoming a wine snob. If you go to the wine store intent on finding the best deal and, when you get home, place your wine in the darkest, vibration-free area, you might be on your way to being a wine snob.
Levels of Wine Snobbery
When you uncork a bottle and pour a small amount into a glass for a swirl, sniff, and sip, what are you thinking? Are you a wine snob? You might reason that a little swirling never hurt anyone, and you like to get the full bouquet before drinking. But then thoughts like “oaky,” “austere,” “soft tannins,” and “a hint of chocolate” begin to enter your head. You realize it: you have hit rock bottom—you are a wine snob!
So, what’s a wine snob to do? There are several levels of wine snobbery. Even if you don’t buy the most expensive vintages, if you care for your wines properly and love the gas preservation system your spouse got you for Christmas, or if the Rabbit wine opener your sister gave you is your pride and joy, then maybe you’re only a semi-snob—and that’s okay.
The next level is the upper-level snob, the type that searches the Internet for great buys and may hit a wine auction now and then. Perhaps they buy wines by the case and routinely spend $50 on a bottle for dinner. These people might be saving up for that ultimate wine tasting in Napa Valley that costs a couple grand. They enjoy the idea of being an elite snob and have plans for the wine cellar they’ll build in their basement.
Then we have the ultimate wine snob. These individuals make educated decisions and aren’t afraid to drop a couple grand on a wine tasting in California. They feel they aren’t living life to the fullest if they aren’t continually seeking that $2,000 Merlot. You could name any wine, and they could provide a full flavor profile so vividly that your mouth will water. This is the ultimate snob.
No matter what level of snob you are, embrace it. It’s knowledge that not everyone has. Use it to your advantage by treating your friends and family to good wine and sharing your wealth of wine information in a friendly way. Don’t force it on them; they’ll come around one of these days.
