Things Husbands do to Drive Their Wives Insane

From the title, you’re probably thinking this article will be filled with male-bashing jargon straight out of Married with Children. In fact, considering how poorly the male and female brains coexist, it raises questions about the very institution of marriage. Wouldn’t it almost be better if we got married, lived in homes next door to each other, and only reunited for moments that bring us happiness and bliss? Ha! That’s one of the things that makes marriage so fun. Learning to live with a person and navigating their wacky idiosyncrasies is part of the journey. Still, when certain traits or actions of one person drive the other crazy, wouldn’t it be respectful to avoid them? So, here’s a collective list of some of the top ten things men do to drive their wives insane:

1. Whether you share a sink, share a bathroom, or are lucky enough to have your own, those tiny razor shavings are annoying, to say the least. Even if men rinse them down the sink a little, most will likely leave a ring around the basin laden with hair. The tap-tap of the razor sends these tiny hairs flying, meaning you’ll be cleaning them up forever—off the counter, off the floor, off the toilet, off the hairbrush. Mix it with a little hairspray, and these hairs become a substance that could rival mortar. Come on, guys, rinse down the hair already. It’s gross and does nothing but clog the pipes. Better yet, shave in the shower. Plus, many women enjoy a little peach fuzz on their face, so why not skip the blade for a day or two?
2. Gather a bunch of guys to watch a football game at your house, or leave your husband in the living room for 15 minutes unattended, and you’ll likely see a trail of trash left behind. One beer can turn into three in a few minutes, and an empty bag of chips will sit happily on the coffee table until you throw it away. Trust me, you aren’t the first wife to let it sit just to see how long it takes before your lovely husband realizes the living room smells. Let’s also point out that the trash can is conveniently located right next to the fridge, and he has to pass it to collect another cold beer. So why not bring the trash with you instead of letting it build up? It’s a clear sign of the efficiency (or lack thereof) of the male mind. Truth is, you’re married (or at least in a relationship) now, not in a frat house trying to build a monument out of junk food boxes and cans. Throw your trash away—without being asked or reminded—and you might find your wife is more interested in sex.
3. If you’re a wife, you’ve probably asked your husband to do something and learned that it will most likely not get done. It doesn’t matter if you ask in the midst of sex when life is good, or when your hubby is in the best of moods. The very moment you ask him to take out the trash, caulk the sink, repair the bathroom door, or mow the grass, it’s a sure sign that it won’t get done. Apparently, asking someone to do something translates to telling them what to do, and men just don’t like that. Your best bet, if you want something done, is to ask them not to do it or ask them to do something else that you really don’t want done.
4. Is it really that hard to find a laundry basket? Apparently! Men will leave their clothes on the bathroom floor, next to the washing machine, or anywhere else except in the laundry basket. Even if you have multiple baskets, you’ll still find their dirty, stinky clothes lying around elsewhere. How many men would pick up their wives’ dirty underwear with their bare hands? So, why do women do it for men? This is a question destined to remain unanswered.
5. Snore. Yeah, right, you can’t help it. But you do it anyway. Go to a doctor, wear a nasal strip, sleep on your side, or better yet, have some respect for the sleeping woman (who will be in a much better mood the next day) and sleep elsewhere.
6. Another question that’s hard to answer: How can a man sit around watching *SportsCenter* reruns for hours while his wife is cleaning, doing laundry, tending to the kids, etc.? Really? You would think that the vacuuming and clanging dishes would be enough of a signal that chores need to be done. If you ask them for help, refer back to number 3.
7. Men can be great cooks, no doubt about it. Yet, a woman can throw together a meal for 20 or a family dinner and still have a semi-decently clean kitchen when she’s done. She does the dishes as she goes, wipes up messes when they occur, and stays on top of the mess. Yet, when men cook, the kitchen looks like a hurricane hit it. Do they just not notice the ketchup on the floor, the fact that the sink can’t hold another dish, or do they think that cooking the meal expels enough domestic energy? Who knows?
8. Look at other women and then pretend they didn’t. You can spot any married couple by the fact that the man cannot allow an attractive (okay, big-breasted) woman to walk by without craning his neck to look. While most try to be discreet, few actually are. If women were prone to checking out every man who passed them, few would remain married.
9. This one’s cliché but true. If you’re lost, better hope you’re not with a man, because he’d prefer to drive around in circles rather than ask someone for directions. And should his female counterpart choose to drive…well, he won’t like the way she does it either. Perhaps this is a remnant from the old days when women weren’t allowed to get their driver’s license.
10. Last, but certainly not least: Many men have totally forgotten that foreplay is not simply walking up behind their wife with an erection while she’s doing the dishes. Yeah, it’s nice, but it certainly isn’t the key to incredible sex.