Things Wives do that Drive their Husbands Crazy

Newsflash! Women pretty much think they are perfect. They honestly believe that the right negligee pulled out at the right time, and the fact that they wash dirty underwear and aren’t appalled at cleaning toilets, makes them the perfect wife. And women also like to complain a lot! Especially about their husbands. Catch a conversation between married female friends where they are talking about their ‘better halves’ and you will likely be surprised that they chose men to marry at all.

The question is, are women really that forgivable? Are their idiosyncrasies and annoying characteristics truly bothersome to men? Do men complain about their wives the way women complain about their husbands? Most married men would resoundingly agree that women have epitomized the word ‘irritating’ and that the list of things wives do that drive their husbands crazy, greatly surpasses the things that women do to drive men to drink. Don’t believe it; look at this awfully loaded list of the most annoying habits of women, and especially wives.

1. Being late. Wives don’t always understand what it means to be on time. And although women believe that they know exactly (down to the minute) how long it will take to get from point A to point B, they rarely allow time for traffic lights, small emergencies (like a broken heel), or traffic. Many women are habitually late, and drive the men in their lives to insanity. If the alarm clock (and all the other clocks) in your home are set 20-30 minutes ahead of time, chances are your husband is tired of being late.
2. Putting make-up on in the car. Truth is, it isn’t just a man’s wife, but rather any woman or wife, who drives men crazy with this unsafe, unpractical, and annoying art of aesthetics. Seeing a female put on mascara, or looking in the rear view mirror applying lipstick annoys men. Sure, they want you to look good – but isn’t there a safer place to do this. And if they weren’t always running late like number 1 suggests, they wouldn’t have to put makeup on in the car. Plus, does hair and make-up really have to be retouched every few minutes. It says 18 hours on the bottle.
3. Shoes. Really, men don’t care if you are wearing flip flops. Not every ‘event’ in life has to mean that it is necessary to purchase a new pair of shoes. And they are also tired of hearing you complain about how uncomfortable the shoes you are wearing are. Plus, deciding which shoes to wear (which makes you late) is something that can be done ahead of time.
4. The importance of cards. Many a men have got into trouble with this one. Not only do wives expect cards, with handwritten notes (as if you can think of something cleverer than Hallmark) but they also feel the need to waste money on cards for every occasion for everybody else. And of course, they normally decide they need a card when you are already 10 minutes behind schedule.
5. “Are you going to wear that?” Honestly, if a man asks you this, they don’t think that the outfit you picked out makes you look like a fat pig or is sleazy. They are just confirming that you are dressed, finally…and that they can go start the car!
6. Men cannot stand it when women suddenly become psychic and tries to tell their husbands what they are thinking. The truth is that no matter how hard a woman tries, she cannot read her husbands mind, and would likely be gravely disappointed should she find out what he is REALLY thinking, or knew just how much he doesn’t think at all.
7. Men tend to not be as fake as women are. Your husband doesn’t want to spend an entire car ride going to a birthday party hearing about how much you cannot stand your cousins wife…only to see you give her a great big hug when you arrive. If you don’t like someone, fine! But why pretend? This is beyond man comprehension. Worse, it drives your husband crazy that you insist on talking about and judging every other woman you meet.
8. The car is ALWAYS on empty. Men don’t understand why any women would risk running out of gas because they are simply too lazy to stop and put gas in the car. And worse, they have explained to you a million times over that running the fuel that low is bad for the car’s fuel injection system, yet the wife STILL does it.
9. Becoming the Volunteer of the year! Yes, your husband realizes you are busy. So why then, would you volunteer to be the room mother, the softball coach, the yearbook organizer, the church choir leader or anything else? If you can say NO to sex night after night, then certainly you can tell another woman you don’t even like that you aren’t interested in participating in her bake sale!
10. Speaking of sex, and headaches. Is there a woman alive who watches Dr. Oz? Even he admits that one of the best cures for a headache is sex!
11. Men don’t like their wives to ask them questions about other women. “Is she pretty?” Not only is the question loaded, but the wife already knows the answer. Yes, she is not just hot, but she is smoking hot and I wish for just one night you and her would trade places! Really, what do you expect him to say?
12. Hair spray! It’s gross, makes his hair shavings stick to the faucet, makes your hair sticky and stinky, and guess what….makes no difference in how YOU look. Hairspray annoys husbands.
13. Don’t bring your husband home clothes. He will hate them, and he is likely fully capable of picking out things for himself. And your husband has told you six thousand times that he doesn’t like red, yet you continue to pick him out red shirts. Plus, what man isn’t content wearing clean socks, comfortable shorts and a wife beater t-shirt?
14. “Finish this up, try this!” What is it with wives that instantly makes them food pushers? Bottom line is man knows when he is hungry, and if he wants to eat, he will. Way too many women are food pushers! It gets even worse when they become grammas’. “oh… come on have a bit more of my apple pie”, “I am sure you have a bit more room for my delicious sweet potatoes”… Just shut up already, please! It isn’t that the food you cooked is bad; it’s that I have already eaten way too much.
15. Whenever a wife comes home talking about a sale, it means she spent a lot of money. The whole, “I bought it because they were giving it away,” mentality of women is silly at best. The bottom line to a husband is, if they were ‘giving it away’… money would NOT have come out of our account.
16. Returning items, or not returning items. Sure, women impulse shop from time to time, But women have a bad habit of buying something then letting it sit around for a day or so, and then taking it back to the store. When you buy something, don’t come home and ask how it looks and then ‘take it back’ if you don’t like our reaction… Or don’t buy us something to see how it would look on us. Buying something means… buying it… using it. According to man/husband logic, the only time you ‘buy’ something and take it back is if the damn thing is defective, broken…etc. And worse, if you aren’t going to use it, don’t like it – then take it back and be done with it. Don’t shove it in the closet, or in the garage and then sell it at a yard sale for a $1 3 years later.
17. “I want to talk!” To a husband, this simply translates into I want to complain. This is the last thing a married man wants to hear at the end of the day, before bed or during dinner – or really anytime. Just say what you have to say, when you have to say it and be done with it. Not everything warrants a lengthy and teary-eyed conversation.
18. Crying. Yes, your husband hates when you cry. He might give in to whatever you want because he hates to see and hear you cry, not because he finally agrees with you. The truth is that husbands like wives who are self-sufficient, who aren’t an emotional mess, and who don’t resort to crying like a toddler each and every time something goes wrong.

And you know what, there’s more. Lots more. I think the jury is in; women are definitely more annoying than men. What do you think?