Since Elizabeth Taylor married several times, does that mean she believes in the institution of marriage but not in the words “till death do us part”? We’ve heard of serial lovers, but we read about “serial marriers” for the first time on a Canadian government website. The phrase seemed odd to us. An article published online by Statistics Canada stated, “serial marriers are significantly less likely to claim that being married is important or very important to their happiness, at 69% versus 82% of people who married only once (including those divorced or widowed, as well as those still married).”
So, if people earn the title of “serial marriers,” does that make them believers or non-believers in marriage? At first glance, people who marry frequently may be announcing to the world that they’re the marrying type and thus have a deep respect for the institution of marriage, regardless of whether it’s floundering. However, if we look closer, getting married often also indicates that the idea of “till death do us part” is losing its hold in the collective psyche.
Till Death Do Us Part: Realistic or Idealistic?
Looking at divorce rates in North America, the answer is obvious. “Till death do us part” is more idealistic than realistic and does not seem to hold water these days. If we seriously analyze the situation, it even looks like marriage itself is going out of fashion. An increasing number of North Americans prefer to live together so that when things no longer look rosy, they can pack their bags and say “hasta la vista.”
Then you have the factor of childbearing. These days, men and women have children within relationships without the benefit of marriage. Additionally, women are bearing and raising children on their own or adopting a baby even when there’s no father around to share the responsibility.
Everything has changed. Traditions are not as strong. People are approaching life in a more “loosey-goosey” fashion. “Relax, baby—don’t want to get married? Then don’t.”
It’s rare for individuals to stay in a bad, undignified marriage until the death of one spouse, because frankly speaking, “till death do us part” is a tall order. It’s like signing a future jail sentence you don’t deserve.
If you are being physically and verbally abused by your husband, or if your wife repeatedly cheats and makes a mockery of your marriage, is “till death do us part” a realistic concept? Are we supposed to continue in a loveless union and become unwilling victims of a crumbling institution that insists one of you must die before the other can find happiness and start anew?
You could be very religious and strict about vows, but when extenuating circumstances threaten your sanity, we say forget the “till death do us part” commitment; get out and start living. Why even include death in the equation?
“In sickness and in health” is a belief we can embrace wholeheartedly, but “till death do us part” is a more difficult buy-in—even when children are involved.
Till Death Do Us Part: When Does It Become a Voodoo Phrase?
We’ll list the following circumstances where “till death do us part” is no longer viable, and a radical change is called for:
- Physical and verbal abuse
- Mental torture
- Infidelity (the repetitive kind)
- Alcohol and drug dependence
- Not providing sufficient material support for the children
- A criminal record that was not previously disclosed
- Contagious and terminal illness
- Abandonment
- Uncontrollable debt due to an overspending spouse
These are extenuating circumstances. When a husband and wife cannot resolve their differences, it’s time to throw “till death do us part” out the window. We only have one life to live; for some, that life is too short.
Before you misunderstand us, let’s be clear: if a husband and wife have even an ounce of doubt about their desire to divorce, and if children are involved, then each must muster Herculean efforts to remain in the marriage. If a spouse’s or the children’s safety is jeopardized, they should check out. Plain common sense, right?
If the couple’s differences have the potential to be reconciled, then the marriage should be saved at all costs. We tend to value the old-fashioned notion of “commitment.” We think it’s a beautiful word, and it’s even more beautiful when practiced. It connotes responsibility, determination, and courage. Not everyone can deliver on a commitment. You are a rare and admirable breed if you can fulfill your commitments.
Marriage and Till Death Do Us Part: Still in Vogue
We talk of personal fulfillment as though we are entitled to it. We are. All human beings have the inherent right to personal fulfillment. However, when you walk down the aisle and recite your vows, you must accept the reality that achieving it will not always be possible. By agreeing to marry the person you love and promising to cherish them, you’ll need to master the art of compromise (another beautiful word). And if compromising means postponing your personal fulfillment goals, then so be it.
That’s why people still march down the aisle. They are willing to set aside their egos to accommodate the demands of married life. Marriage retains its aura for many in love, transforming hedonists into responsible citizens and selfish individuals into generous souls who have a lot of love to share.
The Canadian government states that the majority of Canadians marry once, while less than 1% marry twice. Statistics also show that married couples enjoy a higher quality of relationships and are significantly more committed than men and women in common-law unions.
Sociologists observe that people who marry in their 30s, did not live with their partner prior to marriage, actively practice a religion, and have a university education are those who tend to regard marriage as an essential ingredient for personal happiness.
So yes, “till death do us part” is still very much in vogue. It carries a noble essence and reflects the willingness of two people to declare their love for each other in a proper ceremony with witnesses, reciting their vows with the fervent hope that those vows never have to be broken. Ever.
