Got toddlers? If so, welcome to the trials and tribulations of true parenthood. Up until toddlerhood—aside from colic and sleepless nights—you have to admit, things were relatively easy. Not only was your little bundle of joy the absolute epitome of cuteness, but they were also pretty easy to manage. You could hold them when they cried, they were content in a swing or playpen, and they drank their milk and ate their peas without much fuss. Life was good, right?
Then, suddenly, your child hit all those developmental milestones. They learned to talk, walk, complain, and whine and throw tantrums. Where there once stood a smiling, pudgy baby now stands a toddler equipped with enough willpower and self-importance to rival any adult on the planet.
When it comes to toddlers, they often fall into two categories—terrible or terrific. There’s rarely a middle ground. Reasoning with a toddler is about as effective as negotiating with a tornado. However, their behavior is largely a reflection of parenting. (Yes, that means it might be your fault!) What many parents forget as their children grow is that you have to parent. That means setting limits, creating boundaries, and teaching your toddler—the unfiltered, raw little human in your care—how the world works.
When a toddler has a meltdown in the grocery store, it doesn’t mean they’re a “bad” child. In fact, is there even such a thing as a “bad” toddler? More often than not, tantrums stem from confusion or a lack of control. When parents respond with frustration or embarrassment, the toddler simply mirrors those emotions. However, when firm boundaries are clearly and consistently set, the child learns that the behavior doesn’t work—and isn’t useful. Toddlers, especially, are quick to adapt and will find new ways to get what they want.
Understanding Toddlers: Information, Emotion, and the Power of Consistency
Think of toddlers as people operating with only half the information. Imagine an adult who’s heard a one-sided rumor and immediately starts forming opinions and making decisions based on it. That’s exactly how toddlers function. Because their cognitive development is still in progress, they are easily confused and upset when they don’t fully understand a situation. If your toddler seems more terrible than terrific, you may need to rethink how you communicate. Providing them with more context—in a way they can understand—often leads to better behavior.
The good news is that toddlers want to please, especially their parents. They thrive on praise, appreciation, and gentle love. Yes, it can be challenging to face off with a three-year-old who shouts “NO!” every time you mention brushing their teeth—but this is where your parenting style becomes crucial. Does your child respond better to an explanation about germs turning into “big germs” that require a dentist? Or do they need a clear consequence, like no dessert or TV if they skip brushing?
Every child is different. It’s your job to figure out the best way to communicate with your toddler.
If your toddler’s behavior fills you with dread each morning, it may be time to evaluate your parenting approach. Reflect on the moments when they are most terrific—what were you doing? How were you feeling? These moments offer valuable clues. Most importantly, be persistent. If you follow through, stay consistent, and enforce boundaries—every single day, even when you’re exhausted—you will see progress. The result? A happier, better-adjusted, and sweeter toddler.
Fortunately, toddlers are still adorable enough to get away with being slightly terrible. These early years are jam-packed with learning and development. Many child psychologists believe that by age five, much of a child’s personality and worldview are firmly established. That makes these toddler years critically important for building self-esteem, teaching discipline, and shaping a positive outlook.
So—how’s your toddler? Terrible or terrific? Or maybe a little bit of both? More importantly, how do you think your parenting style is influencing their behavior?
