Traditional Marriage Vows – What to Say to your Loved One

Opting for traditional marriage vows? Bravo! You show respect for tradition, believe in century-old words spoken by millions, and are probably old-fashioned more than you care to admit.

Traditional marriage vows symbolize your love and commitment, and the belief that marriage is a sacred institution that deserves to be revered by the human population. Forever and ever. And despite the divorce rate being pegged at 50%, the sentiment remains.

People who are bold, daring, and want to deviate from the standard and classical choose to write their own marriage vows—a certainly accepted practice in contemporary society. Some people, however, for lack of time, decide to go with traditional marriage vows because the words, having been spoken for generations, feel close to home and offer warm comfort. There’s also a tendency not to want to rock the boat. Imagine reciting a wedding vow you’ve written yourself in front of hundreds. We’ve known soon-to-be-wed grooms and brides who have ditched their “poem” at the last minute for fear of sounding unorthodox. So, with a heavy heart, they reach for traditional marriage vows. Despite their nerves of steel, this is one moment in their life they don’t dare bring out the poet in them.

Traditional Marriage Vows – Examples

If you’re getting married in a church and there’s a generous sprinkling of spiritualism, it’s usually best not to deviate too radically from the traditional wording. If a church is out of the question and you choose a botanical garden but still want traditional vows, then deviation from the usual words will be tolerated—though not to the point where you sound like a lewd, oversexed maniac. Leave any references to pornography, even innocent ones, out. Wait until you’re alone with your beloved in the intimacy of your “boudoir.”

Here’s an example of one of the most common traditional marriage vows, recited by men and women for decades:

For the future spouse:

“I, (Sarah/James), take you (Sarah/James), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.”

A variation of the above vow might be:

“I, (state your name), take you, (state the name of your husband/wife), to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner, and my love from this day forward.”

For some reason, however, some couples prefer not to include the phrase “lawfully wedded.” That’s perfectly acceptable.

Or you can say something more personal, like:

“As God unites us in the presence of our family and friends, I give you my firm commitment to be faithful and loyal to you, in sickness and in health, good times or bad, in sadness and in joy. I promise to love you unconditionally, help you make your dreams come true, and to respect and honor you. I cherish you, my dear (name), for as long as we both shall live.”

After the bride and groom have recited their individual vows, they can also recite another vow together, or a variation of it:

“I commit to never leave you, to follow you. For where you go, I shall go, and where you remain, I shall remain. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Where you die, I shall die and be buried beside you.”

In traditional marriage vows, let’s not forget the recitation by the officiant. The officiant may say something like:

(Addressing the groom): “Will you take (Bride’s name) to be your lawful wife, love her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep only unto her so long as you both shall live?”

To which the groom responds, “I do.” The bride will be asked the same question.

Traditional Marriage Vows – Writing Them

Wedding consultants say that people about to get married not only request assistance with wedding planning—such as catering, décor, flowers, music, photographer, and videographer—but also on how to write their wedding vows with a touch of the personal.

This is why most wedding planners will have some samples of vows and poems in their drawers or briefcases, so marrying men and women can look them over. Since writing vows often triggers many questions from clients, wedding planners and consultants make sure to have sufficient samples available to give the groom and bride as many ideas as possible.

Here’s a checklist of what to do if you decide to write your own vows:

• Brevity is a noble virtue. Don’t bore the crowd, officiant, or possibly your own loved one by being long-winded. Brevity must be accompanied by profound meaning. Avoid light banter and focus on the essentials.
• No PowerPoint presentations—even if this is your forte because you’re the corporate presenter. Don’t let inspirational love make you go into overdrive. Someone might walk out in embarrassment.
• Have an “editor” look at it. We don’t mean a professional book editor; comments from a friend or two should suffice for feedback.
• You can include a passage from a song or a verse from a poem. While an invited guest is usually asked to sing or recite the poem, it’s not unusual for the bride and groom to say the passages. There are hundreds of wedding poems available on the internet and in books.
• Choose the right words to express your most sincere feelings. Select words that will make you remember your wedding ceremony fondly.

Traditional Marriage Vows – Personal Reservations

We’re old-fashioned in many ways. We don’t rush out to buy the latest Blackberry or the most recent version of anything, but when we hear the phrase “till death do us part,” the philosophical bug in us wakes up and starts questioning how a promise like that can be so effortlessly pronounced in front of hundreds of people.

In wanting to love and commit till death do us part, shouldn’t there be a “proviso” (some legalese here, bear with us) that says something like, “We’ll stay together provided our marriage is in perfect running condition?” We’re Catholic, and we’ve been told that your chosen lifetime partner is just that—a lifetime commitment no matter the odds. But we struggle with the “till death do us part” segment.

What if, five years after the marriage, one of us meets a tragic accident and needs to be on life support indefinitely? Or what if your chosen favorite person turns out to be a secret abuser? Or maybe he didn’t tell you about his mounting bills and his poor credit score, making it impossible to sign mortgage and loan documents?

If we were to get married and wanted to omit the “till death do us part” portion, we’d seek counseling with a priest immediately to see if there would be any consequences for not reciting these famous words.

If the priest insists that they be included, we’d have two possible courses of action:

• Opt out of traditional marriage vows.
• Opt out of the wedding and remain friends.

That wouldn’t reflect well on our ability to love and commit, but at least no children would be hurt by the rupture. Or, perhaps, we wouldn’t have made a promise we couldn’t keep.