Phew… trying to get pregnant can become hard work. There is very little else in life that makes sex more predictable, routine, and boring. I can remember trying to get pregnant, lying on the bed for 15 minutes afterward with my legs up in the air, feeling at best, ridiculous. Suddenly, sex goes from being sexy to having a distinct and proper purpose. Long gone are the days when spontaneity prompted some afternoon loving, because suddenly you are living by waiting on the ovulation test to turn purple. When it does, you’re on—whether you want to be or not!
Some couples (let’s just say women) have opted to figure out exactly when they are ovulating by taking their temperature every day. We probably look like pathetic flu patients sitting in a recliner, taking our morning and evening temperatures just to make sure that we are not “ripe.” It seems like it would be much easier to be an animal, like a cow or horse, who conclusively knows when they are fertile. “How to Get Pregnant” books even go so far as to describe and explain the vaginal discharge that is optimum for conception, and if you’re really in-depth, you can even take steps to help have a boy or girl. That’s just too much information for me. It’s bad enough being a female, but having to be acutely aware of every little drip is over the top. Seems to me that long before all this information was available, people were figuring out just fine how to get pregnant.
The Irony of Trying to Conceive
With all this trouble trying to get pregnant, it makes you wonder why so many teenagers in this world have figured it out. Really, it should be easy. We spend years avoiding a broken condom or relying on our partner to ‘pull out’ at just the right time, and we make it through unscathed. Then suddenly, we are married and want a baby, and we turn it into a huge ordeal involving drama and stress that sucks the fun right out of the whole thing. Supposedly, all this stress we feel about getting pregnant keeps us from conceiving. It must be true because tons of couples try for years, and as soon as they quit or decide to adopt, the wife ends up pregnant. How about that?
I am sure other women out there have bought enough pregnancy tests to own stock in the companies that sell them. Those things aren’t cheap! You stand there in the bathroom several days before your period because you swear you feel something, waiting for the line to turn pink, blue, purple, or into a plus sign. If you’re not pregnant, you won’t get your period until you’ve bought at least four or five of the pregnancy tests on the market. Then when you do, you realize that all that stress, worry, and boring sex weren’t worth a damn thing. But you start all over again. This is when men first begin to decide that perhaps sex isn’t as great as they once thought it was.
After a few months of that, we begin to think there is something wrong with us and head to the doctor. Then fertility. Then hubby-poo has to produce some sperm for examination (he might act like he’s dying), and the woman goes through God only knows how many painful and invasive procedures. Half the time, we find out that everything is okay. If we are still having trouble, we get referred to one doctor after another. Weeks or months down the road, we are tired, worn out, upset, stressed, and can’t even remember why we are having so much sex or when our next doctor’s appointment is. The mind begins to be so focused on getting pregnant that we don’t seem to give thought to much else. ‘Ughh.’
Trying to get pregnant is definitely not for the weary or weak at heart. Trying to get pregnant is unlike trying to get anything else. Perhaps the trick is to keep the same blissful attitude we all have when we are not trying to get pregnant. We are happy, in love, and completely unaware that there is any consequence to sex. We have sex when we want to and certainly don’t lie around afterward with our legs in the air or try ridiculous and unnatural positions to increase the fun. We go with the flow.
Trying to get pregnant is also one of those things that seems to consume our entire life. When we want to start a family or add to the one we’ve got, it feels like suddenly time is working against us. Terms like “biological clock” serve to push us and make us feel like we are going to miss a sale if we don’t show up on time. Even worse than trying to get pregnant is getting pregnant when you weren’t trying. Trust me, after three kids happily made it to school, I somehow, secretly and mysteriously ended up pregnant again. Talk about a shock!
The truth is that if you are trying to get pregnant, amidst the pregnancy tests, ovulation detectors, doctor visits, folic acid, orange juice, and prenatal vitamins, we have already accomplished the first fundamental life lesson of motherhood: sacrifice, determination, and love.
