We have become a society of overachievers and multitaskers who can accomplish so many things in a day with the help of technology—so much so that few of us take time to be without it. The average household in the United States now has at least two televisions, with almost 47% of the population having one in every room, including the bedroom. But should there be TVs in the bedroom? Or should this be one room that busy couples reserve for complete tranquility and peace, free from the interruption of computers, televisions, and other technological devices?
Obviously, most of us watch too much TV already. For some, the constant noise of a television in the background is essential, while others find it to be a complete distraction. It seems that more people fall into the category of being comforted by the background noise, turning the TV on anytime they enter a room. Our children are watching as much as six hours of television per day, which likely reflects how many parents feel about the “boob tube.” But what about the bedroom?
The Bedroom: A Space for Peace or Distraction?
The choice is personal. For some couples, lying in bed at night and catching up on strictly adult television shows while the kids sleep gives them time to talk and unwind—without worrying about cartoons or children overhearing curse words. For these couples, who set a timer and fall asleep snuggling in front of the television, this may be a special time they look forward to every night. But not all couples are like this.
In fact, some couples argue over the television in the bedroom. When one spouse cannot fall asleep without it, and the other cannot fall asleep with it, trouble may arise. Snuggling may be nonexistent, and couples may be forced to look for separate rooms to accommodate their needs. This is never good for romantic connections or overall relationship satisfaction. In such cases, leaving the television outside the bedroom might lead to more intimacy in the room.
Many couples may mutually prefer the absence of a television in the bedroom. Or, they may work out a compromise by using headphones, setting timers, etc. What works for one couple may not work for another. As long as the bedroom setting is mutually inviting and doesn’t cause resentment, the television can be something the two of you bond over. Watching Seinfeld reruns night after night might be just what you need to unwind, potentially leading to intimacy before falling asleep. Or it might not.
So, what do the experts say about having a television in the bedroom? Some believe the bedroom should be reserved only for sleep and sex. Others suggest that watching television can be draining, leaving couples with no energy to make love and strengthening the emotional disconnect. The Better Sleep Foundation advises people and couples to use the bedroom only for sleep and sex, claiming that outside electronics diminish the natural rhythm of sleep. WebMD also advises couples to associate the bed with sleep or sexual activities only, and warns against having a television in the bedroom. In fact, they recommend not having “hot-button” conversations there and even advise against eating in bed. Even the rules of bedroom Feng Shui seem to discourage having a television in the bedroom. All in all, in an ideal world, giving up your TV in the bedroom may be beneficial. But would this really lead to more intimacy and sex in a relationship—or just more sleep?
In the book Two in a Bed by Paul Rosenblatt, which explores the role the bed plays in relationships, he suggests that the bedroom for couples is not just about sleep and sex. In fact, today, many couples—especially those with kids—use the bedroom as a safe haven: a place to be alone and reconnect with their spouse. Many parents don’t allow children in the bedroom but welcome the television as a shared item, without diminishing their sex drive or intimacy. In fact, the opposite is often true. The bedroom and the bed are seen as spaces where couples can talk privately, solve problems, make decisions, and feel comfortable sharing their feelings. This can lead to an increase in intimacy. While Rosenblatt acknowledges that television can be disruptive, his study found that this only occurs when mutual accommodations are not made.
Bottom Line
It’s a personal decision. Some people hate the idea of a television in the bedroom, while others love it. For those who look forward to waking up on Saturday mornings, flipping on the news, and making love to their spouse without leaving the bedroom, the television serves a purpose. For others, it is a distraction that may fuel resentment, diminishing both their sex drive and sleep. There isn’t a definitive right or wrong answer to whether televisions belong in the bedroom.
Certainly, there are many instances where a television in the bedroom can be stimulating to both sex and sleep. Just remember that if your partner doesn’t feel the same, you must be dedicated to finding a compromise that works for both of you. It’s important to get a good night’s sleep, and it’s also essential to maintain a personal and sexual relationship with your partner—whether the television is involved or not.
