Understanding teenage behavior is a lot like trying to understand Sudoku without the instructions. There are simply too many blank spaces that you don’t know how to fill. Teenagers, for all their witty charm and endearing attempts at adulthood, are still, on many levels, just children in big bodies. They are trying to cope with an entire world of choices, frustration, and frightening prospects—all while enjoying what they’ve been told are the best years of their lives. Whoever told them that forgot about acne, first dates, mood swings, and social pressure.
During the years between the ages of 12 and 18, the body and mind go through more changes than could possibly be listed. Every experience is amplified by hormones and “split” thoughts. Teenagers often split their thoughts because they are, in the simplest explanation, half child and half grown-up. This phenomenon starts with a rational and reasonable thought process that becomes interrupted by frustration. Reason and ration take a hike, and suddenly your teenager sounds like they’ve returned to kindergarten as they ramble on about the subject in their suddenly juvenile fashion. Many experts relate it to having a tired brain. Teens spend a lot of time trying to grow up. When they hit a roadblock, their minds become literally fatigued from trying so hard, and thus, they resort to juvenile thought patterns because it is easier. It’s a frustrating scenario for all involved.
The Social Pressures and Struggles of Teenagers
In a world filled with social pressure and a societal obsession with youthful attractiveness, acne can be one of the most detrimental teenage syndromes. Many adults look at a teen with acne with great compassion, but we also know it’s just part of the deal. A teen looks at acne much like a social death sentence. It is very difficult to face the world with zits. Other kids can be relentless, and acne can create a social standing that may not necessarily be deserved. Chronic breakouts can often categorize kids straight into the “loser” zone, as other teens ostracize severe acne as though it were leprosy.
Kids with acne will often deny themselves activities that they love because they are so devastated by their facial condition. It’s important for parents to understand that acne is not just a passing phase that they will outgrow but a serious problem that can hinder their entire teenage experience. It can cause self-esteem issues, loss of social interest, and, ironically, adolescent obesity. Many teens with moderate to severe acne, who choose to stop engaging in activities, eventually start spending their free time in front of a video game, computer, or TV and comfort themselves with food. Parents who intervene with medication and trips to the dermatologist are doing their child a huge favor for their self-image.
Of course, we can’t forget the really big pressures. Sex, drugs, smoking, drinking, and physical stunts that put your child in danger are all part of the daily existence of a teen. Kids face all kinds of issues, and they respond to them differently depending on how they relate to the world. Kids who need to fit in, regardless of their own beliefs, are more likely to put their health and well-being in harm’s way for three minutes of popularity. Those with a strong sense of self are less likely to do what other kids pressure them to do, but are also less likely to engage in what you pressure them to do.
There is an escalated level of cruelty in today’s high schools. Kids have found ways to literally tear the lives of their classmates apart, often with what appears to be joy. In most cases, this joy is really just a feeling of power. Kids who exhibit cruelty toward others are often covering their own panic about not feeling like they have any power in their own life. Additionally, high school has become a dog-eat-dog playground. If you don’t want to be eaten, you better be one who eats those who are weaker than you.
We all want to think that we have good kids. And really, we do. But if you’re getting reports about your child’s bullying behavior, it’s time to step up and intervene. If we are trying to understand teenage behavior, we must also understand that our kids are far from perfect and do things that we don’t like. You can pretty much be guaranteed that your child will either be bullied or be a bully for at least one year of their high school career. Accepting this fact makes it easier to address these issues head-on and helps you limit the rate of incidents that occur.
School is certainly not the only place that teens tend to act up and trade in their charming primary school personalities. Home is where the heart is, but it’s also where the warfront often lies. There is a chronic struggle between parent and child from the moment children come into this world. They want to break away from you. They love you, need you, and want you to be their number one fan, but they also want you to go away and let them be their own person. From their first steps to their first apartment, they are trying to become autonomous. This is not an easy process, nor is it one that is free from fear and general angst. After all, you are their parent, which makes you the center of their world—even when it doesn’t seem like you exist to them.
Some kids go through a harder period of separating themselves and finding their autonomy than others. But they need to have their own thoughts, their own feelings about issues, and the right to disagree. This doesn’t mean they have the right to be disrespectful, but teaching them that disagreeing doesn’t have to be a negative hindrance is a lifelong gift they will use over and over again. Cutting daily battles down to relatively smooth communication techniques requires significant parental effort but pays tenfold in growth and peace.
While it can be hard to get the flow of conversation started with your teen, it’s not always as hard as we think it will be. Kids want to be respected for their thoughts, and asking them to share their opinions is a good way to start discussions on topics that frighten both of you. Sex, drugs, drinking, and violence can all be thoroughly discussed, usually by asking them their opinion of specific situations or elaborating on headline news stories with their perspective. The very first step to understanding teenage behavior is talking with genuine interest to your own teenager.
