When you think about unintended pregnancies, you probably picture a 17-year-old girl, just out of high school, with a promising future ahead of her who accidentally becomes pregnant. Few people imagine a couple married for a decade with three kids running around in the yard as the subject of unintended pregnancies. Yet, this may be a more common scenario than the teenage pregnancy, one that is rarely discussed openly, leaving parents to feel an array of emotions in silence. After all, they’re married, have the house and the minivan, and a few kids already—what’s wrong with just one more?
The fact is that around 50% of all pregnancies are unintended, and many of these people are married, with or without children. When a husband and wife, proud of their children and happy to have passed the diaper and bottle stages, unexpectedly become pregnant, it can cause a lot of stress on the marriage and the family. The truth is, for every couple that cannot wait to have kids, there is another couple who is either glad they don’t have any or who is looking forward to the time when the kids are grown. The latter couple, receiving congratulations and pats on the back when news of the pregnancy breaks, can feel overwhelmed with tremendous guilt for not truly wanting more children. This doesn’t mean they won’t love their unborn child or that they wish something bad would happen. It simply means they were content with life as they knew it and aren’t thrilled about starting over again.
Challenges of an Unintended Pregnancy for the Family
Unintended pregnancies can be difficult for the entire family. Imagine tween-aged kids having to welcome a new baby. They’re old enough to feel embarrassment from their friends and to realize that a whining toddler in the house will change things. Then there are the other situational circumstances that mom and dad have already worked out, such as becoming a dual-working household again. Now what? Just as they have started padding the college fund, they realize they will have one starting kindergarten the same year their oldest goes off to college.
Another thought that an unintended pregnancy brings to the surface is the feeling of relief that parents feel when their kids begin to have some autonomy. Now, suddenly, the “me” or “couple” time will once again be interrupted. Certainly, this can weigh heavily on a couple who didn’t intend to conceive. There are also plenty of couples who are content with not having any children. When they get pregnant unintentionally, it, too, can cause a wrinkle in the map of their life.
While news of becoming pregnant is usually cause for celebration, it doesn’t mean it is always the most welcome news. Perhaps this is why Mother Nature gives humans nine months to adjust to the idea before the newborn is thrust into their arms. It is difficult, if you’re the one who is pregnant, to play the part of the thrilled expectant mother. It’s common to be the butt of jokes that range from fertility to old age. All this joking, kidding, and well-wishing aside, the unintended pregnancy can take its toll.
The obvious solutions are to get either husband or wife, man or woman fixed! That, too, is an act of permanence that only each person can decide on individually. Many people with unintended pregnancies have already taken as many precautions as necessary to avoid pregnancy and didn’t feel it was necessary to undergo surgical procedures. Still, if you’re certain you don’t want any more children, taking the medical step to “fix” things can relieve some of the weight off your shoulders and reignite your sex life. It also helps avoid the possibility of being on the receiving end of an unintended pregnancy.
When a pregnancy is accidental, it’s vital for both the mom and dad to take time to work through their feelings. Obviously, there’s nothing they can do about it now, but they should not feel ashamed for being upset by the circumstance. It’s normal to feel slightly resentful at first and to have looming thoughts of regret, especially in the beginning. However, as time goes by, things get better, and they’ll adjust to the new member of their family. By the time labor and delivery are imminent, they will have grown fond of the idea and realize, in a moment of epiphany, that although life will be different, it will be forever enriched. It’s hopeful and important to think of this life-changing event, this unintended pregnancy, as something that was completely meant to be. A few years down the road, you will wonder how you lived without this little person in your life and be forever grateful for the pregnancy and the child who has graced your life.
