Marriage! Rumor is it can turn even the coveted prom queen into Nanny McPhee and women are constantly accused of letting themselves go’ during the years following the vows. Perhaps men figure that good looks, hot bodies and primping long enough to be the trophy wife is something a woman wants to spend a lifetime doing. After all the kids could honestly care less whether she brushes her teeth or combs her hair; as long as she provides tasty snacks and lots of love – they take her as she is, graying roots and all! However, in women’s defense, has anyone taken a look at all the middle-aged husbands who too have ‘let themselves go!’ The difference is that women unlike their egotistical counterparts could care less about updating their husbands, so long as they bring home the paycheck and help with the kids every once in a while, a woman is able to look passed a lot!
Updating your husband is one of those things that you might consider after years of watching them sitting on the couch with their hand down their pants, eating chips and popping a beer during the game. When they no longer feel inclined to exercise and would rather spend the expanse of the day sleeping in until noon and rarely if ever take a shower on the weekend, a general push in the bum is warranted! Men have a tendency to burgeon through their pants, developing a belly that seems to overlap the button and while the rest of their body may remain unscathed; they quite simply have no excuse as women do. Women go through pregnancy and constant hormonal changes not to mention stress that men can’t begin to imagine and yet most are able to bounce back somewhat closely to how they were before. Why a man can see stretch marks that were born from the bearing of their own flesh and blood and wince is ridiculous; especially when woman can put up with the hilarious comb-overs and graying hair that seems to only get worse as time goes on!
Besides the beer bellies and laziness there is also the helplessness that men seem to crawl back to after marriage. Before you married them, they were a knight in shining armor and within a few months, they become helpless babies, unable to ask for directions or make an inquiring phone call to schedule their own doctor appointments. They leave their underwear on the floor and don’t bother to unravel their socks that smell like something pulled out of the bottom of the garbage can. Even worse, marriage unveils the true man inside that is more like a mixture of Shrek and Spongebob than Prince Charming. Again, few women say a thing; especially because they respect the fact that men need to feel sexy and attractive and that their ego is in constant need of reassurance. Wives everywhere simply tell their husbands they are still are as hot as chili, rather than dare breathe a word of the truth. And men wonder why their wives suddenly aren’t as interested in sex? If men knew that 90% of women dream about updating their husband, perhaps they wouldn’t be so brazen and self assured and would realize that they are just as guilty of :letting themselves go’ as any woman may be.
The sad part is that updating your husband or your wife rides the fence of double standards in our society. A woman is supposed to be fragile and coy, sexy and alluring, thin and fit, mother, wife and sex-kitten all rolled into one and a man; well a man can just continue being a man! While a woman takes on the roles of super heroes in order to provide for her family and hang on to a shred of the person she used to be, a man is allowed to just go downhill with age. It is acceptable for a man to get fat, to sit around in sweatpants all day, to not spend a moment exercising and to reveal habits that are grotesque and slobbish. It is acceptable for a man to age and wrinkle and of course to develop all sorts of erectile problems that are just a natural part of aging. Women, or wives rather put up with it all although on the inside, they are laughing and you can be assured they are talking about it with their girlfriends.
Certainly, you might wish every once in a while that he would have more manners or wear nicer clothes. You might even wish he would change some of his ways and think of you like a date rather than an extension of his own mother from time to time. Nevertheless, women, love their husbands anyways. What few men understand is that as long as they are kind, sweet and considerate of their wives, which may mean rubbing her shoulders or holding her hand, they will keep you forever like those vows said. Women will put up with the hairy backs, stretch marks and weird moles that begin to grow hairs and they will make love to their husbands with all the passion and fire that was there in the beginning because all they really want is for their husband to notice them and appreciate them. When they do, women’s character is such that they will remain hushed about all the weird things that happen to men as they age, because they worry about hurting their feelings. Still, you can be willing to bet if you see a group of women laughing over coffee while the kids are in school, they are talking about the sheer idiocracy of men and more specifically that of their husbands. They might even be talking about updating their husbands to the hot UPS man dressed in brown delivering the packages they seem to be getting more and more of every day! Who knows? Bottom line’ it’s the husbands who may need to watch just how far they let themselves go!
