The month of romance is fast approaching, but some may not be looking forward to February 14th rearing its ugly head. Valentine’s Day, or the “hallmark holiday,” is embraced by couples who exchange love letters and candy hearts, and by singletons who profess their anonymous affections for those they secretly admire via cards and flowers. It’s not uncommon for friends, family, and co-workers to give each other Valentine’s Day gifts as well. It seems everybody deserves a heart-shaped box of chocolates at least once a year. Still, others scorn Valentine’s Day as a corporate holiday that simply reminds them of past heartbreaks and feelings of loneliness.
Funny enough, Valentine’s Day was originally dedicated to two Christians named Valentine, who tragically died in AD 197 and AD 269. What’s romantic about that? And yet, every year around February 14th, people make the same simple request: “Will you be my Valentine?” Why would anyone want to be someone’s Christian martyr?
It wasn’t until the 1300s that February 14th became associated with romance. In 1382, Geoffrey Chaucer composed the poem Parliament of Foules to honor the engagement of the 13-year-old King of England, Richard II, to the 14-year-old Anne of Bohemia. So, what may seem illegal now was once quite romantic in the 1300s.
By the Middle Ages, lovers were engaging in an annual ritual of exchanging notes, referring to each other as “valentines.” Many of the legends about the original Valentine martyrs, including one where one of the two St. Valentines gave his jailer’s daughter a note that said “From your Valentine” before his execution, were likely invented during this period. Everyone can appreciate a good love story!
By the 1800s, Valentine’s Day had spread to the United States. Today, the Greeting Card Association approximates that one billion Valentine cards are sent every year. (Women are mostly to blame for this, as they make up 85% of Valentine’s Day card purchasers.)
This year, more than ever, people will be exchanging valentines over the World Wide Web, likely in the form of “e-cards.” In fact, many people will even meet each other on the internet, whether by their own initiative or through an online dating website. Some of these people may even get married. The world of dating has drastically changed, but aren’t the rules still pretty much the same?
Whether you’re looking at the 1300s or the new millennium, courtship and dating are simple concepts. But they have always caused anguish for those searching for love or those who are already deep in it. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, let’s take a look at some modern-day dating issues that keep coming up year after year. (And every one of them has probably had an episode of HBO’s Sex and the City dedicated to it.)
First Date Jitters
Whether you’re a newly divorced 40-year-old man, a barely adolescent girl, or a college frat boy, a first date will probably make you nervous!
First, you have to decide on the setting. Should you go to a movie, go out to eat, or go bowling? Do you want to keep it casual, or do you want to try to make it the most romantic evening ever? There really is no right or wrong answer to these questions.
(Except for the whole movie idea—how are you supposed to get to know your date while chomping on popcorn and staring at a big cinema screen? In fact, if you even try to engage in conversation, you’ll likely get shushed by other moviegoers. A movie can be part of the date, but it shouldn’t be the main event. Instead, consider going out to eat first. It just may make it easier to get cozy with your date when you settle down in those theater seats.)
It’s important to determine from the start what kind of mood you want to set. If you’d like to keep it light and conversation-oriented, why not go out for coffee one afternoon? If you’re looking for a more steamy get-together, take your date out for fine cuisine and dancing.
But the number one rule of a first date is (drum roll)… to be yourself. This may seem counter-intuitive, but while you want to make a good first impression, it makes little sense to try on a new personality or pretend to be interested in subjects you’re not familiar with. There are only two outcomes here: either your date will immediately see through the act and you won’t get a second date, or your date will fall for your facade, and you’ll have to keep it up. But for what purpose? It’s better to have a bad first date and move on to the next love interest than to turn your dating life into a TV show or movie, where you’re constantly hiding your true identity. Unless you’re Superman or Cinderella, that doesn’t work in the long run.
Another question that might pop up on your first date is: “To kiss or not to kiss?” This is another tough question to answer with a blanket statement. It really depends on you and your date. It’s best not to force anything; instead, gauge how the night is going and react accordingly. Keep in mind, though, that sometimes it’s best to leave them wanting more. But not everyone has such self-control, and it’s hard not to respond when pure chemistry is knocking on the door!
Online Dating
With each passing year, the idea of meeting a love interest over the internet becomes less and less, well, strange! As Americans continue to pursue time-consuming careers and find it easier to socialize online (often through social networking sites like MySpace), it seems natural to interact over the web. After all, the same people you’d meet online are probably the same ones you’d meet at the grocery store!
But is online dating for you? Just as you’d be cautious about a stranger you meet in a bar, you should be skeptical of a stranger you meet on the Internet, maybe even more so. Fortunately, many legitimate dating websites exist today—like Match.com—that gather extensive profiles of aspiring daters and pair them to see if sparks fly. While this may seem more scientific than romantic, considering that matchmakers have been popular for hundreds of years (sometimes in the form of the parents of a single person), online dating doesn’t seem that odd. So, if you’re too busy to find the love of your life the conventional way, why not give online dating a try?
The Secret to Love
Dating can be exciting and fun, but it can also be a total nightmare if you go into it with too many expectations. This year, don’t prepare for your most impassioned, romantic Valentine’s Day yet. Most couples don’t look back on that Valentine’s Day dinner as the happiest memory of their relationship. Instead, they may fondly recall that time they were on their way to the opera, got lost, and ended up going to McDonald’s instead. So, the best way to approach love is not to expect it to unfold like it does in a movie. He or she won’t always say the right thing, and there certainly won’t be a lovely musical score to tell you when to make the first move.
After all is said and done, it’s likely that Cupid’s one wish for lovers, friends, and family everywhere is that the thoughtful, affectionate words exchanged on Valentine’s Day are exchanged every other day of the year, too. As it’s been said a trillion times, in a variety of ways: you’ve got to give love to get it.
