How to Get Your Kids to Listen the First Time: Effective Strategies for Parents

mom and daughter with long hair

3 Ninja Mom Tricks for Reducing Yelling and Getting Your Kids to Listen the First Time!

Most parents I know feel like their kids don’t listen to them—at least not the first, second, or third time they ask. Our children are mirrors of both the good and the bad, so this is a perfect opportunity to reflect on whether we, as parents, are modeling good listening skills for our kids. By doing so, we show them the way we want them to listen to us. Are we making eye contact with our kids when we talk to them and maintaining our presence? Are we letting them finish their sentences without interrupting, and ensuring they feel heard?

When you “listen with love,” also known as active listening, you are fully present to what the other person is saying. You’re not half-listening while simultaneously formulating your response in your head. Truly listening allows you to connect to the speaker’s emotions and understand where they’re coming from. I wonder how often we listen to our kids in this way?

Here are a few things that have really worked for my own family and my clients to help get our kids to listen. I now call them my ninja mom tricks:

  1. Make eye contact when you ask your kids to do something.

Yelling at your kids from the kitchen that it’s time to get their shoes on while their eyes are glued to the television simply won’t work! Taking that extra step to get in front of your kids and make eye contact when you speak to them really pays off and reduces frustration on both sides.

  1. Have them repeat back the request.

This has been a game changer for me and my kids. It eliminates the excuse they often give: “I didn’t hear you.”

When I ask my kids to do something, I have them repeat it back to me. For example, if I say, “We are leaving in two minutes, please get your shoes on,” they must respond with, “We are leaving in two minutes and we have to get our shoes on.” If I can tell they’re not fully engaged, I ask, “What is happening in two minutes?” They say, “We are leaving.” Then I ask, “What do you need to do?” They answer, “Put our shoes on.”

It may sound a bit juvenile and excessive at first, but it works like magic. I’m crystal clear, and they know exactly what my expectations are and what their responsibilities are.

Yelling doesn’t get my kids to do what I want, and it makes me feel like a bad mom. Instead, I whisper when I really want to get their attention.

For some reason, when I whisper or speak very quietly, my kids hang on my every word. Speaking quietly also helps me stay calm. Yelling only makes me feel horrible and never accomplishes what I want, so I end up wishing for a do-over.

Become a ninja mom in your home and notice how much easier things flow when you take these simple extra steps to be heard, so your kids can listen the first time.

Ali Katz is the best-selling author of “Hot Mess to Mindful Mom: 40 Ways to Find Balance and Joy in Your Every Day,” and “Get the Most Out of Motherhood: a Hot Mess to Mindful Mom Parenting Guide.” She is a motivational speaker, meditation expert, and has been featured on ABC News, Fox News, MindBodyGreen, and Style Magazine. Ali’s ability to make self-care, meditation, and mindfulness feel relatable and downright fun truly sets her apart from the traditional self-help crowd. Get Ali’s “Sunday Prep,” her 6 best tips for preparing for a stress-free week, as a free gift at https://www.hotmesstomindfulmom.com/

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