Not being able to write well is no excuse to turn down an opportunity to deliver a wedding speech. If you are the best man, you definitely have to say those words that will captivate the audience. Well, perhaps not captivate, but at least hold their attention. And if you want to make them laugh by cracking a joke or two, that’s fine. There is, however, a fine line between funny and crude—don’t cross it. The wrong speech could ruin the entire ceremony. Embarrassing the bride, groom, or anyone at the reception is in poor taste.
Who’s Expected to Give a Speech?
Today, there’s no set rule as to who should give a speech at a wedding. Anyone can be asked to speak, but tradition dictates that these people are typically expected to offer a few kind words:
- Bride’s father
- Best man
- Groom
Speech by the Bride’s Father
If there’s any doubt that your speech might hurt someone’s feelings or make them uncomfortable, start over and rethink your approach. In their attempts to be funny, some fathers reveal details that don’t belong at a wedding ceremony.
For example, what was this father thinking when he said the following about his daughter?
“Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. I have to say how relieved my wife and I are that Sue has finally decided to marry such a fine young man. She was such a tomboy growing up and so terribly masculine that my wife and I swore we had a lesbian for a daughter. She didn’t go for all the feminine stuff young women typically like; she was always spending her allowance on sneakers, mountain bikes, and male clothing gear. We were afraid she might even go for a sex-change operation.”
Ladies and gentlemen, would you have squirmed in your seat, wishing someone would stop this old man?
If you heard this wedding speech at a reception, would you feel sorry for the bride? Would it make the groom uneasy knowing that his wife was once an all-out tomboy?
As the wise say, a joke can either produce a chuckle or leave a sting.
What Is the Bride’s Father Supposed to Say?
Think “terms of endearment.” A father who respects his daughter will show her in a positive light. His speech need not focus solely on the bride, however. He can include these elements:
- Words of welcome to everyone, with special mention to the groom’s parents and the bridal entourage. If there are people from out of town, he should thank them for making the special trip;
- Praise and compliments to the groom. He should express the family’s happiness and satisfaction with having him as part of the family;
- A quote or two would be nice. A popular one is about how parents should give children “roots and wings”—roots to symbolize the permanence of the family home and wings so they can lead their own lives. If you choose a quote, make sure it’s unique and hasn’t been overused. A woman once remarked that she had attended a hundred weddings, and she could always predict which quote would be spoken—and she was right 6 times out of 10. Be sure to mention the author of the quote;
- The conclusion of the speech should take the form of a toast, asking everyone to raise a glass to the bride and groom and wish them love and happiness.
Speech by the Best Man
The best man attracts a lot of attention at a wedding because he represents the groom and is expected to have intimate knowledge of him. Naturally, when he delivers his speech, guests will want to hear something light yet personal about the groom—how they met, how long they’ve known each other, his quirks, his delightful traits, and what he likes to eat. A humorous anecdote is appropriate, as long as it doesn’t create any tension between the best man and the groom.
The best man can also propose a toast to the bride and groom at the end of his speech.
Speech by the Groom
The groom should show his humorous side, as making people laugh will let everyone know he’s the type who can also make his wife laugh. Terms of endearment for his parents, the bride’s parents, his bride, the best man, and the wedding party are appropriate. He may also address any remarks made by the best man, but he should dedicate some time to talk about his bride. He could speak of her qualities and what first attracted him to her.
Essentially, the groom—the gentleman par excellence—should thank everyone present at the reception, starting with his new wife (“Thank you for choosing me, and not Jim, Roger, Pete, Henry, or Jack”), his parents (“Thank you, Mom and Dad, for the education, the guitar lessons, and the car keys whenever I needed to take off”), the bride’s parents (“Thank you for welcoming me into the family and for not objecting to the wedding”), his best man, the bridesmaids, and all the other people who helped make the ceremony and reception a success.
Wedding Speeches – Do’s and Don’ts
For anyone delivering a speech or toast during the reception, here are a few tips. Starting with the “do’s”:
- Do make it brief (five minutes for a speech, and one to two minutes for a toast);
- Do maintain eye contact. Engage your audience—not just speak at or to them. A sweeping glance of the hall from left to right, and back again, helps;
- Do pay attention to your body language. If you say, “How wonderful it is to be here today, I’m enjoying every minute of it,” your body has to show that you mean it. If your posture reflects nervousness and your hands are twitching, people won’t believe you;
- Do inject humor, but with finesse;
- Do thank everyone, and especially mention those who played a role in the wedding.
And the Don’ts:
- Don’t read your speech notes verbatim. This is where the groom “loses” it. Audience connection is key. The best way to connect with your guests is to NOT read your notes;
- Don’t neglect the advice to practice with a friend, in front of a mirror, or to record your speech and play it back for feedback;
- Don’t say anything that might embarrass someone;
- Don’t rush your speech. Take a few breaths, and use meaningful pauses;
- Don’t forget to smile (especially if you have a smile like John Travolta’s);
- And the BIG DON’T: don’t drink excessively before your turn to speak. Otherwise, you’ll make a fool of yourself, embarrass your party, and might even end up on a stretcher.
If you’re organizing your wedding reception, avoid asking too many people to speak or toast. You don’t want your guests to feel like they’re in a seminar or conference. After all, people come to weddings to have a good time—not to listen to long-winded praises and clichés!
