Wedding Vows – Ideas for Writing your Own Vows

bride with her arms on her husbands shoulders

“Promises are made to be broken,” so the saying goes. Aren’t vows akin to promises?

Doesn’t the North American divorce rate provide proof that vows do get broken? And let’s not forget the other divorcing couples around the world who seem to have forgotten that the “’til death do us part” vow was something they said not too long ago.

Still, even if vows are broken, they remain an integral part of marriage. It’s comforting to know that when vows are exchanged during a wedding ceremony, the couple was sincere at that moment and considered marriage an enduring, fixed part of their future. If the world occasionally goes haywire, why shouldn’t couples face challenges too?

Divorces and separations happen every day. Nevertheless, vows are at the heart of a couple’s love for one another. They serve as the words that seal a marriage contract, an essential part of the wedding ritual. After all, when you attend a wedding and listen to the vows, that’s when the tears often start to flow. When the groom speaks his words of love and commitment with a shaky, emotional voice, something pierces your heart, and you feel a warmth spreading inside you, like watching a deeply romantic movie unfold. It’s at that moment, when silence fills the church, that everyone stops talking to absorb the words, the tone, and the look in the couple’s eyes.

Vows are the most emotional part of a wedding ceremony. And Cupid’s not laughing about it.

It would be refreshing if we could step away from tradition and simply “walk the talk” when expressing vows. Imagine hearing the bride say:

“Hey dude, I dig ‘ya. I promise to love you, iron your shirts, cook you a hot meal, and not nag you to take out the garbage, in exchange for a credit card with no spending limits, half the house, and 85% of your stock options. We can discuss your company pension later, subject to confirmation.”

Would that kind of vow bring a tear to your eye? Probably not. It’s a stark truth, isn’t it? But let’s not stray too far. A wedding vow is a wedding vow—respect for tradition reigns!

If a modern, 21st-century vow hasn’t found its place in today’s ceremonies, how do we craft and personalize our vows?

Writing Your Vows

Writing your vows takes work. You’ll need to think carefully and choose your words with precision. You may go through several drafts before you’re sure that the final version truly reflects the real you. But take heart—vows are traditionally brief, and it’s their brevity that gives them such eloquence and power.
If you’re at a loss for words, turn to the internet for inspiration. Your vow can be a straightforward pledge, a romantic poem, or even a prayer. Some couples choose an appropriate quote to express their feelings.

Wedding vows often share common elements. For example, in Catholic and Jewish wedding vows, the couple acknowledges each other (“I take you as my lawful wife/husband”). Another common component is the promise to love and cherish each other. And of course, there’s the “forever and ever” part, equivalent to the “’til death do us part” vow.

As long as you include these three essential components in your vow, you can word it however you like. However, bear in mind that no matter how modern our society becomes, the “dude” vow we mentioned earlier hasn’t quite earned its place—especially in a church.

If you happen to be Quaker, your vow will be similar to the Catholic or Jewish version: God and friends as witnesses, a promise to cherish, and the “as long as we both shall live” part are key components of a Quaker wedding vow.

Before you sit down to write your vow, consider these tips. It might help to play some soft, meditative music to ease your mind away from work pressures and allow your inner poet to emerge.

  • Pick a central theme: avoid the overused, clichéd notion of romantic love. Instead, consider focusing on the turning point—when you realized you couldn’t live without her.
  • Take a few moments to daydream: close your eyes and imagine you’re surrounded by angels blowing trumpets and smiling down on you for finding the love of your life.
  • Narrow down your central idea. While love is the predominant theme, think about why you chose your partner. Was it her sense of humor, her sense of justice, or something else?
  • Write down your thoughts as though you’re speaking directly to your spouse. Let the words flow naturally and effortlessly.
  • Read the vow aloud. Does it sound like you? Does it accurately represent your love? You may want to practice in front of a friend. If he giggles, don’t worry—it’s probably because he never imagined you as the marrying type, and now it’s making him nervous.

Once you’re satisfied, show your vow to the officiant, who will determine if it’s appropriate. Nine times out of ten, personalized vows are acceptable, as long as they don’t stray too far from tradition.

Wedding Vows – Use Action Verbs!

Whether you choose a traditional, non-traditional, or religious vow, you can replace some common phrases with more dynamic action verbs to make your vow feel fresh and personal.
Here are some verbs that can add a little extra zing to your vow…

Endeavor / ponder / take over / attend to your needs / fulfill your desires / motivate / encourage / refresh / inspire / laugh / face the challenge / drive / plan our future / participate / be your ally / nurture / respect / color (our lives) / take responsibility for / be your hero and true partner / support

You probably wouldn’t want to sound like Shakespeare unless you’re a huge fan, but keep in mind that very old English can be difficult for younger guests to understand. And, of course, you don’t want to sound like an intellectual snob either!

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