As parents, we trust that the educational system entrusted with our children is doing its best to teach the basics of math, science, reading, writing, and literature. We monitor report cards and progress reports, meet with educators to ensure that our kids are on the right path, and work diligently to help them become well-educated adults. From a young age, today’s parents begin finding ways to fund secondary education and encourage their children to pursue career paths that will lead to a successful life.
Suffice it to say, the schools are doing an adequate job of educating our children. Yet, one critical aspect of education—the largest influence on kids today—is often overlooked: the parents. What are you teaching your children? What traits, characteristics, life lessons, beliefs, responsibilities, and morals are you passing down through your behavior? After all, it is you they have been watching since childhood. It is your actions they are soaking up like a sponge, and experts agree they have the largest influence on their future.
The Role of Parental Influence
If, as a parent, you are constantly late, doesn’t it make sense that your child will inherit the same tardiness without regret? If you are always yelling at your children or communicating with force, won’t your children learn to do the same? If you are unable to hold down a job or often speak of how oppressed you are in life, isn’t it natural that your child will feel the same way? If you sit around eating junk food all day, are 45 pounds overweight, and haven’t consumed a piece of fruit in the last five years, aren’t your children more likely to follow the same unhealthy patterns?
Have you ever wondered where your children learned their southern accent or acquired their mannerisms? Do you often see yourself in your child?
While some traits are inherently genetic, others—such as how we behave in public, treat others, and interact with authority—are learned from parents and guardians. Our attitudes toward others, our levels of respect for self and society, and our approach to life’s challenges are all crucial points of education that children absorb from their parents. Just as blue eyes can be passed down from mother to daughter, father to son, so too can bigotry, laziness, pessimism, and entitlement.
The world frequently discusses the quality of role models celebrities provide to our children. Every time a young star encounters trouble, they are criticized as bad role models teaching kids poor behavior. When Britney Spears—beloved by millions of young teenage girls—went through her struggles, mothers and teen advocacy groups were quick to judge her. Yet, are they as critical of themselves as role models as they are of perfect strangers? Are these mothers calling out a celebrity for teaching their daughters to respect themselves and stand up for themselves through her actions? Or are they leaving this vital educational task to strangers?
There are hundreds of quotes such as, “A chip off the old block,” “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” “Flip side of the same coin,” “Like father, like son,” “He/She lives up to the family name,” and many others that reinforce the idea that we, as parents, are the most important educators. Social scientists and genetic researchers confirm that parents often pass down behavioral patterns from one generation to the next. Parents who smoke tend to raise children who smoke. Parents who abuse often raise children who abuse. Parents with low self-esteem tend to raise children who share the same affliction. The list goes on.
So, what are you teaching your children? While it’s impossible to be vigilant and on your best behavior all the time, there will inevitably be missteps that your children witness. However, to be the best parent you can be, it’s essential to remain aware of just how much influence you have on your child’s future.
While many kids grow up saying they will not be like their parents, that they will be better people, the reality is that many repeat generational cycles despite their aversion to them. Role modeling is perhaps one of the most effective parenting tools we have. And despite what is taught in the classroom about arithmetic and reading, the real lessons come from the people children spend the majority of their time with—their parents and guardians.
The next time you notice behavior or attitudes from your child that make you uncomfortable, ask yourself if they’ve developed as a result of your influence. If so, that’s a good time to commit to making changes in yourself that will not only make your life more successful but also improve your children’s future!
