What Do Wives Want from Their Husbands?

A big house with all the amenities. Three kids. A nice, big SUV to drive the kids around in. Maybe a trip to the Bahamas or Disney World once a year. Free time to get a massage, a manicure, or a pedicure. Is that really what wives want from their husbands?

While those things may be nice to have, very few wives truly want them as a contingency for marital happiness. And if you find one who does, chances are you should ditch her as soon as possible. The reality is that women are pretty easy to please. Even though they are completely different from men, their wants, desires, and needs are pretty simple to meet. Most men don’t even have to set aside the infamous male ego to do so; they just need to pay attention.

So what do wives want from their husbands? Read on.

1. Stability. Maybe this is a tad cliché, but women WANT to feel safe and secure. They want to know that the man in their life is going to “take care of them.” This doesn’t mean that wives are helpless or shouldn’t be capable of filling up their gas tank or fixing a leaky faucet. They just want to feel protected. They want to know that their husband has their backs, that he will side with her (even if she is being dramatic), and that he will be there to provide for her as best he can. This has very little to do with money, but everything to do with him being a soft place to fall—a shoulder to cry on, a strong voice to tell her that everything is going to be all right. If a man does not or cannot provide this for his wife, someone else will at some point.
2. The ability to listen. Let’s be frank: men don’t listen. Hundreds (maybe millions) of women have conversations with their husbands that the husband never remembers. Listening is about hearing the vulnerability or the shriek of pain in her voice. It’s about not trying to rationalize her thinking or blame her reactions or emotions on her period, but rather embracing the fact that she is a woman and feels differently than a man.
3. Honesty. Lying to a woman, despite the fact that she may take you back time and time again, is not the way to her heart. Word to the wise: don’t tell her she is fat in an effort to be honest. Honesty is about being yourself, about being the same person when you are with her as you are when you are at work or around other people. It’s about not hiding your thoughts and feelings from her, not being afraid to tell her you are scared or worried. It’s also about telling her what you want and showing her who you are. Chances are, she will love you no matter what. When you are honest with a woman, she will be as loyal as they come.
4. The old stereotypes about women wanting foreplay and all that jazz aren’t necessarily true. Sure, her needs in the bedroom are different from yours. But so many women feel like once they get married, their husbands stop treating them like that crazy sex kitten. Just because she has had your kids or because you’ve made love to her a thousand times doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be turned on. Talk dirty to her, be forward sexually, try to please her, and by all means, make sure she has an orgasm too.
5. Be a dad! The keyword here is “dad.” Your wife doesn’t want you to be both mom and dad. She wants you to be the man in the house, allowing her to be the mommy. Women are protective and territorial when it comes to the mothering of their children. Sure, lots of men are more nurturing and compassionate than moms, but believe it or not, this isn’t what she wants.
6. Realize you are married and act accordingly. You no longer live in a frat house. It is not okay to leave your underwear, beer cans, dinner plates, or other things lying around. This is a direct statement to most women that you think she is a maid rather than an equal partner. It hurts her feelings and makes her feel unappreciated.
7. Make her feel pretty and sexy. Put your hand up her pants or down her shirt. Pay her a compliment. Stare at her sometimes. Notice when her hair is done. And don’t look at other women right in front of her. If you can make your wife feel like you are still attracted to her and think she is hot, you might be surprised at how loving, sexual, and compassionate she will be in return. A well-placed, honest compliment can turn around the worst of moods.
8. Fight fair. Look, all marriages have problems and arguments. Remember that a woman has the memory of an elephant, and what you say during an argument will linger in her mind forever. Men have a natural habit of trying to win fights and arguments. Try not to do this with your wife. You can speak your mind, but do it with compassion.
9. Get to know her. The odds are high that she is totally different when she is around her friends and having fun. You might even recognize that person as the woman you were dating long ago. Find out what makes her happy and what she is passionate about.
10. Make her laugh. How hard is that?
11. Tell her you love her. Women need to be loved, and they want to know they are loved. Either say the words or perform the actions that affirm she is loved. This can be as simple as making her coffee in the morning or remembering her favorite candy bar at the store.
12. Pay attention to the little things. Experts say that women think about their husbands every five minutes, whereas men think about sex every five minutes. There are probably a million things that your wife does for you every day. What little things do you do for your wife?
13. Have a good memory. Forgetting a birthday or an anniversary is heartbreaking. Even if she says it isn’t, it is!
14. Put her at the top of your priority list. Sure, raising a family and handling the responsibilities that come with it can be hectic. Even though you might want to come home and chill by watching the newest SportsCenter, that doesn’t mean you should. Take five minutes to devote to her every day. Just her!
15. Help out. Don’t engage in gender roles around the house. If you see trash on the floor, pick it up. If the dishes are dirty, wash them. Don’t talk about it, don’t ask about it—just do it. She doesn’t want to pat you on the back for helping keep up with the home that the two of you share, but if you do, she will appreciate it more than you know. And hey, don’t just prove you know how to do laundry on Mother’s Day or her birthday.

Rest assured, if you pay attention to these little things, you will end up with the best wife in the world. She will feel lucky to have you in her life and will treat you like a king. Women aren’t difficult, hard to figure out, flighty, or pretentious. All they really want from their husbands is to feel loved wholly, completely, and passionately!

“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” ~Simone Signoret