Every once in a while, it’s soul-soothing and life-enriching to take a personal walk down memory lane. Find that old photo album in the attic, revisit a diary, or watch a video from your past, and you’ll realize that somewhere along the way, you likely got lost. Perhaps not terribly lost, but at least thrown off course. Life has a funny way of changing your plans without your permission. And although the walk backward can be bittersweet, it can also be the incentive you need to move forward with the passion and swagger you had “back in the day.” How so? Read on.
For most of us starting out as adults, we have a firm definition of what the next decade is supposed to hold. In fact, young people are subjected to so many preconceived notions of what will happen next that few question whether it is right or wrong for them. You are supposed to get married, and you are supposed to have kids. You are supposed to settle down, be responsible, and land a job that supports you. Truth is, most of high school is designed to prepare you for what you’re “supposed” to do. And with so many adults, teachers, and well-wishers pointing you in the “right” direction, it is difficult to question. And then off you go, as if you’re racing against some kind of alarm clock that’s going to beep in your ear at any minute.
While you’re busy going and doing, your dreams begin to shrivel. So, you wanted to be a rodeo queen, a scuba diver, or join the Coast Guard. Since these weren’t things you were “supposed” to do, you moved forward chasing what is considered everyone’s dream. And slowly but surely, growing up and all the so-called freedoms that come with it didn’t feel so liberating anymore. The more you do, the more you have, the more responsibilities you encounter, and the harder it is to get back to the old you— the one who would have been happy waitressing in the Florida Keys.
Rediscovering Yourself: The Power of Reflection
The problem, of course, is that the faster we run toward the future, the easier it is to forget about the past— at least for a little while. And so many middle-aged people realize 15 years too late that life isn’t about chasing something, but about allowing life to catch you. This is why so many of us, so much of the time, feel regret, remorse, guilt, and even longing for the person we used to be. This is exactly when you’ll find yourself wondering, “What happened to me?”
It’s easy to get lost behind a job, behind marriage, behind parenthood. Your identity, at least the one you had before, doesn’t seem to fit anymore… so like good and responsible adults, we give it up. Ironically, and perhaps luckily, it isn’t lost forever. One old picture of yourself— smiling or laughing in a way you haven’t done in years— can be all it takes to learn how to combine your dreams and attitude from yesterday with your responsibilities and experience of today. So, my friend, what are YOU waiting for?
Obviously, there’s no need to do anything rash. Most mid-life crises, which seem to tear families apart, are simply about a longing for one’s old self. Yet, by starting slowly and remembering the kinds of things you used to enjoy— what made you laugh and what you were most passionate about BEFORE you became so regimented and “boring”— you can easily get back to who you used to be. Start with one thing at a time. If you loved taking a yoga class or mountain biking, start doing that again. If you dreamed of being a painter or writing a book, then pick up those old habits. As you incorporate the “you” of yesterday into the “you” of today, you’ll find that you can also recreate the happy feelings that prove you’re living your abundant, authentic life. Chances are, the people around you will like you much better and appreciate this part of you rather than be intimidated by it.
If you’re wondering what happened to you, it’s time to start separating fact from fiction. Choose the things that make you happy in life— that make you feel satisfied. Spend your time wisely by choosing to live in the moment, not allowing each day to pass you by without doing something (anything) that you’re passionate about! Stop living by other people’s standards, and listen to your inner voice to help direct you in the ways you should go. Weed out feelings of “supposed to do” from “want to do.” Chances are, you won’t be recreating your life or yourself— just rediscovering who you truly are.
Perhaps the greatest thing about growing up, about moving forward, and about gaining life experience is that you finally have the tools necessary to make decisions in your own best interests. Wondering what happened to you is part of the process and a healthy, normal way to ensure that you are providing YOURSELF with the best life possible. Instead of feeling remorseful or even sad that part of you has disappeared, have the courage to dig deep inside and pull that person back out. You will be glad you did.
You aren’t lost… you’re simply changing course. And you have the ultimate decision about what course you want to take from this point forward.
