Abraham Lincoln said, “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” With so many of us resolved to succeed in life, what is the measure of whether or not we are? What is success? Is it directly connected to the size of our house or the amount of money in the bank? Does lack in any area of our life mean we are not successful? Is it fair to set a goal and only allow ourselves to feel successful when we achieve it specifically?
As parents and adults, we are constantly in a position of pointing out success to our children. When they first learn to recognize their letters, we are proud and make them feel successful. When they can finally write the letters, form them into words, and make sentences, we again point to their achievement and mark it as a success. When they learn to play basketball and just stand on the court, we tell them they have succeeded. Then they make their first basket, commit their first foul, or years later make the All-Star team. In each of these situations, we are telling them and showing them that they are a success. Are they more successful now that they have made the All-Star Team, or is all their toil part of the bigger picture of their success?
This behavior continues when it comes to the success of others, but when it comes to ourselves, we are often so focused on the goal that we miss all the little baby steps of success along the way. Not only is this unfair, but it also leads to the breaking of our resolve to succeed at all. Remember, Lincoln believed we only had to want, plan, and intend to succeed to actually do it.
Defining Success
The definition of success is “the achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted.” The second definition reads “the attainment of wealth, honors, position, or the like.” Of course, the dictionary also states that the opposite of success is failure. When you read things like that, it immediately makes us feel as though we need to have a fancy education, be well-paid, have plenty of money, or ‘be’ something in order to call ourselves successful. It makes more sense to agree with old Lincoln’s take on the matter and see success as a matter of will. Sure, there are things we all want out of life, and there are things that we feel would make us happy, but our ideal of success and our own personal definition of what that means is what determines if we are truly successful people in life or not. Pinning our achievement on a goal that can take a lifetime to unravel commits us to living a life where we are often disappointed, paying attention to our lack rather than our abundance, and living an unrealistic version of what success really is. So, the question returns: “What is Success?”
Cliché phrases often link success to happiness, but in reality, they are not (or shouldn’t be) one and the same. If we are chasing the dream of wealth, then just because we get wealthy doesn’t mean we will be successful or happy, for that matter. Plenty of rich people are miserable. Plenty of happy people are poor. Many people, both poor and rich, are successful in their life; it’s just a matter of perception. Most unhappy miserable people are that way because of their thinking, and no amount of money can or will change that. So, perhaps success has more to do with how and what we think rather than what we do. Maybe what Lincoln means is that as soon as we decide to be successful, we will be!
What if we looked at success as a daily exercise to do our best? What if success was keeping the plan in mind but not dismissing our progress as we get closer to it? Especially while raising families, we should strive to cultivate a daily practice of seeing what we have accomplished, rather than what we have not. Simple things, like getting all the grass cut, paying all the bills on time, making our children laugh, cleaning the pantry (finally!), having the time to drink a cup of coffee or read a book, and not just washing clothes but putting them away, should all be looked at as minuscule successes in our walk through life. If our eyes are fixed too tightly on the prize we covet—the big job, nice car, fancy house, or college education—we develop tunnel vision that blinds us from feeling successful and being successful every day of our lives. It is normal and healthy to want more in life; this makes us responsible citizens and diligent workers. However, it is not healthy to not feel successful until we actually have more.
If we could learn to treat ourselves like we treat our children, we would systematically transform our lives from a constant struggle against the tide into a relaxing swim that takes note of and is proud of all the baby steps we take on our way to our goals. Perhaps success should be defined as a feeling. If we feel successful, we are. If we intend for success, we will achieve it. If we want success, it is waiting for us. Success is a conscious decision to have, do, or be something. That something should be happiness.
If our goals are fixated, then we are ultimately forced into living a life of failure. Let’s pretend you want the perfect job or a business venture to work out in a certain manner. Each day is not a struggle to achieve the goal; each day is one in which we have successfully worked toward our goal. Yes, some days are better than others, and we will hit bumps in the road and experience tough times, but picking ourselves up shows us that we are, in fact, a success. Lincoln also said, “All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.” Maybe it’s due time to start plucking the thistle in our own lives and planting seeds of thought that will grow into successful flowers. These flowers could remind us that each day, each breath, and each accomplishment we make—whether large or small—is a personal success. Pay attention to the things you are doing right now that will make your dreams come true, and they will come true even more quickly.
It can be surmised that real success, true success, takes a lifetime of unfolding. What is success? Success is looking at our lives from the spot we are in right now and measuring them with some more words from Abraham Lincoln: “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count; it’s the life in your years.” At the end of every day, do you sit down and think about all that you have accomplished that day, or do you remember everything you didn’t do? If the latter is true, then the time has come to free yourself from your own limitations and see yourself and your life for the success that it is. Lincoln never lied. He stated firmly that once we decide to be successful and make a commitment each day to seeing our success, we will find that success greets us at the door. Success is not solely the accomplishment of our big dreams and goals; rather, it is living a life that feels totally fulfilling and makes us happy by realizing the simple things that are important each day to our well-being and fulfillment. If we wake in the morning and intend to have a successful day, we will find many things in our routine that we can begin to look at as achievements. That is what success is!