We’ve all heard the statistic: nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. This isn’t new. In fact, nearly half of all marriages have ended in divorce since the 1970s. In other words, many couples have been, are going through, or are currently divorced.
Deciding to divorce is a difficult decision. In addition to the obvious bad times, there’s usually a history of good times too—moments neither spouse wants to let go of. There’s also the impact on children, in-laws, family, and friends to consider. Not to mention practical things like name changes, changes in living arrangements, schools, shared holidays, and more. Many people lament that if they had known how hard divorce would be, they might not have gone through with it in the first place. So when couples decide to divorce, there’s often a lot of anger, embarrassment, and resentment involved.
So, What Now?
Whenever I’m working with an individual who is recently divorced or going through the divorce process, I often get asked the same question: What now? What am I supposed to do with my life now that I’m divorced? I usually respond by saying something like this: “What can’t you do with your life after you’re divorced?”
Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean your life is suddenly meaningless. You still have hobbies, friends, relatives, children, and work (just to name a few) to enjoy. These relationships and activities are important pieces of you, and they help define who you are. You can actively work on these aspects of your life to make them stronger and more fulfilling.
A lot of old friendships and pastimes often fall by the wayside in marriage. There just isn’t as much time for them. And we sacrifice some of them so our spouse can enjoy some of theirs. After a divorce is a perfect time to reconnect with those old friends and revisit those hobbies you haven’t done in a while. These old friends and activities will also help you transition from being married to single.
Get in Touch with Yourself
Perhaps the best thing you can do after a divorce is use the time to get in touch with yourself. Let’s face it: when we’re married, we sacrifice a lot of ourselves—our time, our hobbies, friendships, etc. for the sake of the marriage. This is good. It’s what you’re supposed to do in a marriage. But now that you’re divorced, all that time you sacrificed for your spouse can now be spent on you.
Being divorced is a great opportunity to reclaim that time and invest it in yourself. Explore new interests. Read books you’ve always wanted to read. Try out hobbies you’ve never had time for. Go to that new restaurant with the exotic cuisine your ex-spouse didn’t want to try. Do new things you’ve always wanted to experience but just didn’t have the chance to before. This will help you discover new skills, hobbies, pastimes, and even friends you never knew you had. Most importantly, it will help you learn more about yourself.
The best part about trying new things and exploring who you are is that it makes you a better version of yourself. You become more well-rounded, grounded, and interesting. This strengthens who you are as a person and makes you more appealing to others. And before you know it, voila! You’ll find yourself in a new, improved relationship with someone who finds you absolutely fascinating (they should—after all, you’ve worked hard to improve yourself). This is a great way to start a relationship, and it ensures that it starts off on the right track.
Guest Article By: Aaron Anderson
Aaron Anderson is a therapist and owner of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, Colorado. In addition to his private practice, he is a speaker, presenter, adjunct faculty, and a regular contributor to various blogs and websites all related to marriage and families. He is also on the Board of Directors for the Colorado Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.
