What to do When You Can’t Afford a Divorce

couple upset with each other

According to statistics from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the dwindling economy has had a surprising effect on marriages. While money problems often force couples to divorce, in this case, a lack of financial security is keeping people unhappily committed to marriage. One thing many people don’t realize is that while marriage can be costly, divorce is downright expensive in more ways than one.

Many individuals are mutually deciding to endure an unhappy marriage because they can’t afford a divorce. With one in five homes worth significantly less today than they were just four years ago, even financially comfortable couples may lack enough equity to afford living independently or acquiring new residences.

This raises the question: what can you do when you can’t afford a divorce? Should you stay? Should you revert to living like you did in college, subsisting on ramen noodles and beer? Is the pursuit of personal happiness worth taking a deep dive into a lesser financial class?

This question has even stumped the experts.

One thing is certain: if the end of the relationship is due to physical or emotional abuse, staying together for financial reasons is NOT an option. In such cases, you should explore ALL available options. Financial woes tend to worsen abusive situations over time, and relationships marked by violence rarely improve. If this resonates with you, understand that you will be better off once removed from the situation. Talk to friends or family members about temporary support.

If violence is NOT the problem, and you both have mutually reached the end of your marital journey, you might consider waiting out the economic downturn. For couples who can still communicate without anger or resentment, it’s possible to establish mutually beneficial cohabitation arrangements in the short term. The key is to sit down together and hammer out the details and ground rules, without pretending that the marriage is thriving. Acknowledge the eventual outcome and create temporary living arrangements that work for both of you and your family. For many facing dwindling home values and declines in savings, this is a pragmatic approach to marriage. However, it is not free of emotional struggles—especially if one partner is surprised by the idea of divorce. When discussing this type of arrangement, aim to remain level-headed and keep personal emotions out of the conversation (easier said than done!).

Money Magazine also recommends that couples begin developing a financial plan. This includes opening separate bank accounts, dividing bills and household expenses, and using the time to build credit and reduce debt. The less debt you have going into a divorce, the better off both parties will be. If one person is a stay-at-home parent, this also allows them time to find a job and build a resume, which can improve their financial situation when the time for a legal divorce arrives. If you work together wisely during this time, you can emerge from the divorce more prepared and financially stable. This approach demonstrates respect for one another and a mature handling of the end of a legally binding agreement. Consider this: if your employer or landlord requires a 30-day notice, it is only reasonable to treat your partner with at least as much respect.

On average, a divorce costs around $15,000 out of pocket. For most people, this is a significant amount in legal expenses. The divorce rates advertised on television and billboards—offering minimal fees such as $249.00 for an uncontested divorce—will NOT help you divide retirement assets or address property division, mediation, or child custody issues. For many, there are essential safeguards to consider after investing so many years in a marriage.

The cost also depends on the number of disputes between you and whether custody is an issue. Custody battles can be financially and emotionally exhausting. This is another major reason many people feel stuck and see divorce as an unattainable option.

In 2012, The Huffington Post reported that for many, divorce is simply a luxury. According to their statistics, about 15% of people in unhappy marriages will separate but take nearly ten years to follow through on legal divorce paperwork due to financial constraints. The vast majority wait nearly three years to legally divorce after a separation, citing financial reasons as the primary barrier to a speedy divorce. Even though this extra time encourages 5% of couples to attempt reconciliation, the actual number of couples who get back together and stay married is extremely low. Among couples with children, approximately 35% admit they are staying in an unhappy marriage due to the catastrophic effects divorce could have on their children.

All you can do when faced with the uncertainty of a divorce is your best. Just remember that no matter what, you aren’t alone—and you DO have options. They may not be perfect, but they might be amicable enough to help you navigate this significant life transition.

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One Response

  1. Why not just separate and live your own lives? Happiness costs money, so play around it. Never get the official divorce and just explain to future partners you can’t remarry because you can’t afford it.

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