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The decision to have a baby is one that comes with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Not only are you thrilled about the possibility of having a child of your own, but you are also acutely aware that getting pregnant may not be as easy as you hoped. As the months pass without a positive pregnancy test, emotions can soar and plummet on a roller coaster ride that seems endless. For around 67% of couples, getting pregnant and having a baby is a joyous and celebratory experience from the start. Yet for the other 33%, it isn’t.
Statistics show that around one-third of all couples face significant fertility challenges. This doesn’t mean that conception problems are insurmountable, but rather that medical intervention is often necessary to overcome them. For the remaining two-thirds of couples who can get pregnant, it often takes about two years to do so. With something that is supposed to be natural and easy, what is a couple to do when getting pregnant becomes difficult?
Understanding the Struggle and What to Do Next
Generally speaking, in couples with no known medical issues that would suggest fertility problems, doctors typically won’t consider fertility options until the couple has been actively trying for around 12 months or more. During these twelve months, couples will have tried everything. They will know more about the female menstrual cycle than they ever thought possible, will have had countless routine “baby-making” sessions that may start to feel robotic, and may even be open to quirky holistic remedies, like tying garlic over the bed or rearranging bedroom furniture to conform to the laws of Feng Shui.
However, somewhere along the way, the excitement of having a baby can shift into stress over the process. Psychologists often point out that the lack of a confirmed pregnancy becomes the focal point of both the relationship and the couple’s life. It doesn’t take an expert to see that obsessing over the lack of a baby does very little to help the situation. In fact, it can cause you to lose sight of why you wanted a baby in the first place. Now, you just WANT THE BABY to prove that you can do it, leading to a disconnect from the deeper emotions that initially prompted the decision. Luckily, there is help.
The first thing couples should do is try to be patient. Deciding to have a baby doesn’t mean your entire life should revolve around it. There are still plenty of other important things happening in your life that you should maintain an interest in, including your partner, family, and friends. Avoid becoming consumed by the desire to have a baby, and instead approach the process with patience.
Next, if you haven’t already, take the time to learn about the physiological aspects of reproduction. Familiarize yourself with menstrual cycles and ovulation. Consider taking a nutrition course to better understand foods and lifestyles that promote fertility (for both men and women). In other words, get yourself healthy first. Both you and your partner should have a general physical exam, along with age-appropriate blood work. Why? In around half of all women who struggle with conception, the issue is linked to an overactive or underactive thyroid. This condition may not have obvious symptoms, but it can throw off your hormonal balance and hinder pregnancy efforts. The good news is that this disorder can often be corrected in just 30 days with medication. If you have a pre-pregnancy physical, your doctor will screen you for this and other conditions that could affect your ability to conceive.
Another major obstacle is stress. While you can’t completely eliminate stress from your life, it’s important to minimize it as much as possible. Stress is not only a contributor to illness but also to infertility. Consider how many couples conceive right after deciding to adopt or after stopping their efforts to get pregnant.
Once you and your partner are in optimal health and leading a relatively stress-free lifestyle, only then should you consult a doctor if pregnancy continues to elude you.
At this point, you should expect to be referred to a fertility specialist. Before you go, make sure to contact your insurance company, as some plans cover fertility treatments while others do not. If your doctor suggests In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), be prepared for the potential costs, which can range from $8,000 to $15,000 per treatment in the United States. On average, it takes three IVF attempts for couples to conceive, and additional specialized tests, such as genetic screening or sperm injections (ICSI), can add to the expense.
This can be overwhelming for many couples, but it doesn’t have to be. There are financial options available, and you should also discuss surgical corrections with your gynecologist, as they may offer a more affordable alternative to IVF treatments.
Another useful tip is to request a detailed explanation of benefits from your insurance provider. While many reproductive endocrinologists and fertility clinics don’t accept insurance, you may be able to receive reimbursement for certain procedures. Additionally, some clinics offer shared-risk IVF programs, allowing you to recoup payments if you don’t achieve a successful pregnancy.
Two well-known programs that may help with costs are Attain IVF and The ARC Affordable Payment Plan. While we at Professors House cannot endorse these programs, it’s important to be aware of options that offer discounted procedures. Be cautious, though, as some organizations may try to take advantage of your emotional state.
The best advice is to keep going. Your journey may take unexpected turns, and planning for a baby may not feel as joyous as you originally thought. However, with persistence and perseverance, you can rest assured that your efforts will eventually pay off, and your dreams of becoming parents will be realized.
Above all, remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Reach out to other couples and support groups for insider advice on how to cope and explore your options. And, by all means, try to stay as positive as possible.
