You and your boyfriend (or husband/wife) have broken up. Symbolically, you move the shiny diamond engagement or wedding ring from your left hand to the lonely ring finger on your right. After all, it’s still a pretty awesome ring, and after putting up with “him” for so long, you deserve to take something away from the relationship, right? Or wrong?
Give Back or Get Rid of the Jewelry
According to a controversial website called Ex-Boyfriend Jewelry.com, where broken-hearted (or maybe not) girlfriends can sell the jeweled goods received from their exes to the highest bidder, getting rid of jewelry after a breakup is “the right thing” to do. This site sees no reason why women shouldn’t at least make a profit from the relationship or breakup. However, considering that not all jewelry-giving situations are the same, it seems logical to think that some pieces should be returned to the ex.
For instance, what if the sapphire and diamond ring he gave you two Valentine’s Days ago was his great-grandmother’s antique ring, which has been passed down for many years? Or what if the engagement ring or wedding ring he gave you belonged to his mother? Shouldn’t gifts like these be respectfully returned to the family from which they derived their original heirloom status? Most people, based on morality, would likely say yes.
Unfortunately, considering what to do with jewelry from an ex requires more thought than the breakup emotions often allow. Certainly, you are disappointed—maybe even completely pissed off that he cheated on you—and feel justified in keeping or selling a $5,000 engagement ring. But the question is, is it the right thing to do?
Since the Ex Boyfriend Jewelry.com site opened in 2008, it has had over 400,000 users. One of the perks of selling ex-boyfriend jewelry through this site is not only the chance to capitalize on the jewelry itself but also the opportunity to connect with other women who have been scorned and are seeking some sort of payback or a chance to vent about their relationship woes. Since jewelry and gifts from an ex often become symbolic of the relationship itself, getting rid of these items can be a significant step in the healing process. (It probably doesn’t hurt that these women can get some retribution in the process.)
Many women who don’t readily give back the jewelry to an ex, or dispose of it by other means, hold on to it for various reasons. Some admit they like to reminisce about the good times or simply feel that the gift gives them something solid to cling to, lessening the emotional blows of the split. In the long run, however, moving forward by getting rid of these items is in your best interest. Not only is it a complete turn-off to potential new partners to still wear an engagement ring given to you by an ex, but it also serves as a daily, physical reminder of the past.
This is obviously a confusing issue for many people. Across the United States, there have been numerous court filings from exes requesting the return of jewelry, such as wedding or engagement rings, from the women they were given to. Many of these cases have resulted in rulings in favor of the males. Courts often rule that the engagement ring is a gift contingent upon an implied situation—marriage. If the marriage doesn’t happen, then the conditional gift theory comes into play, and the ring must be returned. Most courts do not take into account why the breakup occurred or whose fault it was that the marriage didn’t take place. Still, many states, such as Montana, do not intervene in these matters at all and have a strict policy that an engagement ring is an “unconditional, completed gift.”
You have to wonder, however, if the issue of returning the ring is one worthy of going to court!
In a Cosmopolitan poll, 74% of women said they would return the engagement ring if they were the ones to call off the wedding. This contrasts with the 32% who said they would give it back if the groom-to-be interrupted the marital plans.
If you peruse the internet’s wide array of relationship and engagement sites, you will see that men feel strongly that she should return the ring—not based on morality, but on principle alone. After all, what in the world is she going to do with it? Most men also simply hope that in the heated argument ending the relationship, she will perform the coveted theatrical act of throwing it at him, hitting him square in the nose, so he won’t ever be forced to ask for it back. The truth is, tough economy or not, he paid a lot of money for that thing.
When it comes to marriage and the jewelry exchanged, the answers become more blurred. Courts often decide who gets to keep what when dividing assets, and jewelry gifts are typically seen as “completed gifts” by the courts, with no implied consent. Yet many couples still argue over jewelry that has significant familial meaning.
In the end, what to do with jewelry from an ex is a personal decision you have to live with. Your best bet for making a karma-friendly decision is to give yourself some time to think it over, so you can do the right thing in the end. Whether that means pawning it, selling it, or giving it back—so be it. However, it’s important to realize that holding on to past sentiments from an ex is never a great way to walk into your future.