If we put as much consideration into choosing a husband as we do a car, chances are we would get many more miles out of them than expected. Sadly, being in love and finding the perfect partner often involves so much of the irrational heart that it’s difficult to separate the qualities we really want from the person we choose. Probably everyone—men and women alike—settle in some silent ways when it comes to marriage. Still, there are certain things that should be considered when wondering what to look for in a husband. Many of these qualities have nothing to do with the heart or soul and are simply common traits that will help (but not guarantee) that your husband-to-be will make a good life partner.
The first thing is stability. Any man who is moody or has an “on-again, off-again” attitude in various areas of his life will not make great husband material. If he likes golf for a week, then switches to tennis; gets obsessive about things and quickly loses interest—he will eventually do the same with you. Stability comes from being content with life and not needing constant stimulation or new scenarios to keep things interesting. At first, this sort of behavior may come across as adventurous and daring (both of which are good in small doses), but it should give you a clue to his probable ADD tendencies and his habit of becoming bored quickly.
It is often said that money and love don’t make good partners. But when it comes to marriage, they must! Financial steadiness should definitely be on your list of what to look for in a husband. Okay, so your boyfriend works at McDonald’s and is totally happy there, but in the long run, you want to be with someone who has drive, motivation, and the ability to hold down a steady job. If he is switching jobs every few months, is often unemployed (through no fault of his own), or doesn’t have the drive to show up for work and meet his responsibilities—life ahead and together will be hard, especially when things like children or a mortgage come into play. The ability to make money and sustain an income is vital to the success of a marriage. If you don’t believe it, take a look at the statistics, which indicate that 88% of marriages fail due to money issues. When you’re young and in love, it’s often noble and politically correct to think, “I love him anyway; it doesn’t matter that he makes $6 an hour.” But years down the road, you’ll feel completely different about it. There’s no shame in choosing a husband based on financial reliability—unless, of course, it’s the only reason you’re choosing him.
Dating a Mama’s Boy
Mama’s boys and men who’ve never lived on their own are not good husband material. The idea of taking care of your man and being a good wife may seem enticing at first. But after a few years, you will tire of a man who cannot do laundry, doesn’t know how to turn on the dishwasher, and leaves his stained tighty-whities all over the house. Marrying a man that you have to take care of domestically essentially means you’re becoming a maid or a replacement mother to an adult who should have learned life skills by now. If he’s a mama’s boy, you’re headed for a life of being despised by your mother-in-law, never feeling like a good enough wife or mother, and constantly being one-upped by an old lady who has made it her life’s mission to keep her little man dependent upon her. When grandkids come along, it only gets worse. In most situations, your husband will be unable and unwilling to stand up for you to his mother. This is quite simply a miserable situation to be in! The good news is, while you’re dating, there are plenty of clues about his relationship with his mother that should effectively tell you if he’s a mama’s boy. Remember: there are some things mama can’t do for her son that you can. If you “just love him anyway,” making this boundary (and ultimatum) clear in the beginning can save you heartache down the road.
There are also other things to consider when compiling your “what to look for in a husband” checklist. You want someone who is not completely selfish. He should be able to compromise with you and others in his life to maintain peace. Dramatic men are ten times worse than dramatic women! He should be able to cook—even if it’s just ramen noodles, he should be able to fix them well. He should like either kids or pets, or both. People who don’t like animals usually have something wrong with them. He should not say stupid things in the heat of the moment or be passive-aggressive to get his way with you on issues. Jealousy can be flattering in the beginning, but living with a man who sees you as property and is insecure whether you’re at the grocery store or signing for a package from your UPS man is not going to work in the long run. This usually never improves. A husband should also be someone who can talk to you and doesn’t immediately assume that you’re on your period just because you’re unhappy about something.
It can be said that what to look for in a husband is often very different from what you might look for in a boyfriend. The problem is, when we’re dating someone, we don’t realize that the years ahead will deflate the sails of passion and bring a tidal pool of new situations and scenarios that will make great sex and romance seem like insignificant aspects of love. As we grow older, we are always growing up. The way we change, as well as the changes we have to make to be truly effective adults, can be a decisive factor in how well we grow apart and back together over time. If marriage were just about love, or being with someone who made you feel good, there wouldn’t be so many divorces. But marriage is really about a friendship and partnership that is honest, open, flexible, and—more importantly—respectful. Certain qualities in people can never be changed, and marrying someone you think will evolve over time only sets you up for disappointment. If you know what to look for in a husband beyond good looks and chemistry, you’ll be better equipped to make an informed decision about the state of your future.
