Kids Are Not Normal People
Kids spend their lives doing some pretty ridiculous things. The worst part is that most of the time, they don’t do these things because they want attention from others—they do them because they are blissfully unaware that there are consequences for their actions. Maybe it’s the same curiosity for life that causes a kitten to dive headfirst into a window while chasing a bird, which leads kids to do crazy things. Or maybe the silly things kids do are simply a way for them to test the waters of life (and the patience of their parents). But for moms and dads, watching from afar, you begin to wonder if your child is truly okay when they do some of the ridiculous things that make kids tick. After all, if a child who should know better is going to play in their poop—how in the world are you EVER going to trust that your child can and will make good choices in life?
The following is a short list of some of the dumb things kids do. You know, those What Were You Thinking? moments that make up the content of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Common (and Hilarious) Things Kids Do
- Play with poop: Far too many kids end up playing with their poop. There have been millions of babies who turn their noses up at sweet potatoes, only to take off their diapers and smear poop on the walls near their cribs. Okay, so maybe a baby playing with poop is one thing, but what about a toddler? The bottom line is that poop stinks—regardless—and isn’t something normal people have the desire to touch. And this is one of those things that only kids do.
- Stick their hand in a potty: See above! But really, kids of all ages, even through middle school, will stick their hands in the potty or put things in it. In fact, the toilet seems to be a point of fascination for nearly all children. There’s a reason potty locks were invented—KIDS!
- Pick their nose and eat it: Really? Sure, sometimes a nose just has to be picked. Every person in this world has been in that situation, but is it really necessary to eat it? And this isn’t something that just little kids do. Eating boogers is something that all kids do—even through high school. Do they taste good? What *is* the appeal, and what are children thinking when they eat their boogers?
- Jump off things: Maybe, just maybe, kids aren’t born with an innate radar for heights. It seems like emergency rooms are always full of injured children who have decided to jump off, onto, or down from something that shouldn’t be used for jumping. Do kids think their Superman wings will appear the minute they’re airborne? Even teens, especially those crazy ones who skate and ride dirt bikes, are constantly trying to jump onto, over, or from things. Umm, hello, young people—let’s have a little common sense here. And thank goodness it’s impossible to open airplanes once they’re in flight!
- Covering up a mess: Kids can pee on the bed and simply cover it with a towel. They might puke in the sink and just throw some toilet paper on it. They might spill milk on the carpet in their room and make no attempt to clean it up. They even pee or poop in their pants and just continue on as if nothing happened. It’s hard to tell if they’re afraid of getting in trouble… or if they simply don’t care.
- Swallow their gum: Doesn’t matter if you tell a child a hundred times that gum is not digestible (which it is)—they still do it. And what about kids eating gum off the floor, or picking it from the undersides of desks, only to eat it?
- Put too much food in their mouth: Why do kids feel the need to shove so much food in their mouths at one time that they end up choking and then spitting it out? Then, most of them see nothing wrong with eating it again. Not only is it bad manners, but it’s just plain gross.
- Lick things: Kids will lick anything and everything. They aren’t opposed to tasting windows, eating pencils, or munching on paper. In fact, for a child, sticking things in their mouth is par for the course. Children will even lick their own shoes—and they do this of their own volition, not because of a dare. Obviously, the germaphobe gene isn’t something that’s passed down, but rather something that develops with age.
- Get naked: Hello, it’s not polite to pee on the bush outside a restaurant, nor is it okay to take your clothes off just because you’re hot.
- Sniff things: You can tell a child that their underarms stink, their feet are rank, or that the moldy piece of cheese that’s been a biology project in the fridge for five months is nasty—and THEY WILL STILL SNIFF IT. Is sniffing really necessary? Apparently, if you’re a child, it is!
- Stick things in electrical outlets: What’s so fascinating about electrical outlets? They seem like one of the most boring aspects of a home, yet children feel it’s completely necessary to meddle with them on a continuous basis. In fact, an entire baby safety industry has been born, and building codes have been updated simply because kids seem morbidly fascinated with electrical outlets. And as a side note, did you know that every year, hundreds of children are seriously injured from chomping on electrical cords? WTH?
- Manipulate their parents: What are kids thinking when they seem to happily pit mom and dad against one another? They know it’s going to start an argument, and they know it won’t end well for them. So, why bother? You’d think at some point kids would realize that there’s no reward for making mom and dad mad at each other.
And the list goes on and on! So, share with us—what are some of the dumbest things your kids have done that had you wondering, what in the world were they thinking?
