The wedding picture sits on the mantel: you and your partner in beautiful clothes, with engaging smiles and the giddiness that suggests your life is perfect. You look like you belong in a bridal magazine, and you can’t imagine that life will ever be different. At this moment, you’re so happy, blinded by love, hope, and dreams, that you never consider the small things that might challenge your perfect future. One of those things, though shallow it may seem, is the possibility that your spouse may one day gain weight.
Whether due to pregnancy or the shift to a more settled lifestyle with starchy foods and snacks, weight gain can be a hard reality. It can leave you feeling disappointed. The truth is, statistics show one thing for sure: marriage often makes people gain weight, both men and women. What you see on your wedding day is not necessarily a realistic expectation for the next decade.
In the first year of marriage, it is common for both partners to gain between 5 to 12 pounds. This is often due to more time spent eating together than ever before. Where Cheerios may have once been dinner, there is now more cooking happening, and you might find yourself using the stove more frequently. Additionally, the “honeymoon phase” fades, and there’s no longer a need to keep up appearances. As responsibilities, possibly children, come into play, you might neglect self-care and skip the gym. Unfortunately, this can create a negative pattern in the marriage, leaving one or both partners feeling dissatisfied with each other’s appearance. Many people have unrealistic expectations about their spouse’s body and fail to adjust when life changes. Aging brings differences in appearance, including weight gain, and if you can’t accept this, you’re probably not quite ready for marriage.
Addressing Weight Gain Together
Studies suggest that within the first five years of marriage, women gain an average of 20 pounds, while men gain around 12 pounds. This can be attributed to lifestyle changes, including having children or simply adapting to married life. It’s common for women to lose weight before their wedding in order to fit into the perfect dress, only to gain it back afterward, often because the weight loss was achieved through unhealthy means. What you see a few years after the wedding might simply be their natural weight.
But it’s not just women who experience weight gain—men may also stop “impressing” their wives both physically and emotionally. When a partner gains weight, especially suddenly, it’s important to address it. This change might indicate unhappiness, illness, or, in some cases, a sign of contentment and love, with the partner feeling that their spouse will love them no matter what. If weight gain is bothering you, the best approach is to work on your health together by exercising or changing your lifestyle as a team. This can help both partners feel better and strengthen the relationship.
For women, pregnancy often leads to weight gain that doesn’t disappear as quickly as their partner might expect. With patience, support, and around 18 months, most women return to a healthy weight. However, if the “mom syndrome” sets in and the weight continues to climb, it’s important for the husband to step in supportively, without criticism. A woman’s body changes after pregnancy, and with age, it becomes harder to lose weight. If your wife is struggling to shed the pounds, consider stepping up to help with the children, so she has time and energy to exercise. Remember, marriage is a partnership, through both the good and the challenging times.
While weight gain may seem like a shallow issue, it’s one many couples face. It tests the depth of love and commitment in a marriage. In the end, we love our spouses for their personalities, not their appearance, right? However, physical attraction is still important for intimacy. No one wants to make love to someone who doesn’t appeal to them physically. This doesn’t justify cheating, but it does mean that couples should take thoughtful, supportive steps to address the issue.
It’s unfortunate that women are often judged more harshly for weight gain, while men can gain weight without facing much criticism. Ultimately, when a spouse gains weight, it’s time to remember that marriage is about more than just physical appearance. True love and strong marriages endure far beyond superficial concerns like weight gain.
