When are Kids Too Old to Sleep with Mom and Dad?

Oh Boy! Co-sleeping, often referred to as bed sharing, is one of those hot button issues that receives as much hostility from those defending their position as breastfeeding does. And for most parents, even those who swore up and down that they WOULD NOT allow their child to sleep with them, it happens almost accidentally. Sometimes its just easier to nurse a baby when they are in bed with you. Or a young child has fears at night so you lie down with them. Or maybe, you enjoy the extra snuggle time with your little one. Even more common, whether parents admit it or not is that allowing your children to sleep with you can be downright easier than fighting with a fussy toddler at bedtime night after night after night.

And for the record, ALL parents should know that everyone from the American Academy of Pediatrics to the Mayo Clinic are against co-sleeping due to the hazards that it can pose to your child. The question here is not for against bed sharing but when it becomes unnatural, wrong, or just plain weird. Is there an age where a child should not sleep with mom or dad? Does the gender of the child matter? Regardless of how it starts, and how you feel about it you know that at some point it has to end, right? But when? When are kids simply too old to sleep with mom and dad?

Let’s see what the experts have to say about allowing children to sleep with mom and dad.

In March of 2007, the New York Times published a research article on this very subject. The article believes that an older child sleeping with parents does not do enough to maintain a healthy separation between adults and children. And obviously, a 10 year old in the bed is quite a hindrance to martial intimacy. In the study, it suggested that children sleeping with parents can be responsible for destroying a marriage and even confusing children about their sexual identity.

Should a pubescent boy who wakes up every morning with an erection, be sleeping next to his mother? Should a young girl, perhaps one that is budding breasts or entering menstruation sleep next to her father? Most people would agree that allowing a 10 or 11-year-old child to sleep with a parent of the opposite sex is wrong or somehow taboo in today’s world. And outwardly, those who disagree with co-sleeping would likely be freaked out by such behavior. But to the family sharing the bed, all might seem cozy and completely non-sexual. However, it is slightly disturbing to understand WHY an older child would still WANT to sleep with their parents.

A study out of the University of Michigan showed that children who slept with their parents beyond the age of 2 many into the preteen years, were developmentally stunted and even faced years and years of sleep issues later in life. A poll conducted by Mothering dot come also showed that 40% of moms believe co-sleeping should end between the ages of 3 and 5, while 34% believed kids between 6 and 8 should be given the red light to the parental bedroom door. Around 24% believed that co sleeping shouldn’t occur to begin with.

According to the Family Law Association, differences in belief on co-sleeping especially as older, opposite sex parents are concerned is often a point of contention. And since there are no laws surrounding an age when children shouldn’t sleep in a parent’s bed, this becomes grey area. Normally, when it is brought to the attention of a family law attorney psychological evaluations of the child are ordered to see if there are any issues of foul play involved. And subsequently, it turns bonding moments and co-sleeping into an issue of sexuality. Which for most people, it is not.

Bottom line is that at some point your child will NOT sleep with you any longer. Every family has a different arrangement and set up in place. There are tons of families who fall asleep in the same bed watching television every night. There are other families who keep the marital or parental door completely locked and off limits. What needs to be addressed are the issues that surround the co sleeping. If they are developmental in nature as it pertains to older children, then something needs to be done. If they are matters of convenience based on house size or bed availability then there might not be a lot of options. What is most important is being cognizant of how ALL the parties’ involved parent, spouse, and child feel about the matter.

Still. And obviously, there comes a point in a parent child relationship when privacy should be respected and separation should begin. There also comes a time in a marriage where co-sleeping will greatly, if not gravely affect the marital relationship. So deciding when a child is too old to sleep with mom and dad becomes a judgment call.

From the outside, it might seem creepy for mother and son, or father and daughter or even daughter and mother and father and son to be sharing a bed into the pre-teen or teenage years. It’s certainly not ‘normal,’ at least as far as statistics show. But the closeness and ways that each and every family bond with one another are different, and every family has its own definition of what is right and what is wrong.

What do you think? Is there a certain age when children should no longer sleep with their parents?



186 Responses

  1. I have a 10 yr. old daughter who loves to sleep with my husband and I when we let her. We are a “snuggle” family. Even if we’re watching t.v., depending on the day, you might find all three of us piled up beside each other. My husband works out of town every once and a while and my daughter and I like the comfort of each other through the night. She has told us before, that it’s not fair that mom and dad always get to sleep by each other and she’s got to sleep alone. Hmmm… She’s got a point there, I guess. But, I don’t think as she gets older, she will want to share her space. So, I think this May last at the most till she’s around 13.
    But, when I was growing up, my best friends dad would occasionally let his younger daughter sleep with him and as a kid, I thought that was strange because my relationship with my father wasn’t healthy. So, I had a hard time understanding that bond between them. But, I only knew my friends father to be a very good man, so I trusted it was not a bad thing.
    So, I think it depends on so many veriables, the child, the parents, the back grounds, reasons…
    But, I do think it’s best to let family’s bond in ways that are natural to them.

    1. I agree with you. My almost 10 year old has been sharing a bed with me since birth. He had a crib but it was never used. My husband, (his father) wound up sleeping in my sons bed. This has been the norm since. To my family, this is ok because it’s all they know, but to any outsiders, they look at it as if it were child abuse.To me they have a guilty conscience. After my nephew was born, he was cosleeper until about 11, I always said there’s no way I would do that! lol
      Anyway, We are in the process of buying a house and I think there he will want his own bed. But if not, that’s ok with me. He is an only child. This bed we sleep in has been “his” too, and I feel when he is ready to move on, he will. I somehow don’t see him sleeping with Mommy in high school. (He is in 5th grade now.) I am all for co sleeping. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

      1. My son is 10 and he has slept w my husband and I since birth. Last yesr3i bought a bed w trundle and he and i fall asleep in his room. He is ok if i leave or dont sleep in there but we laugh and have our best talks the last hour before bed. Living busy lives, every family bonds differently. Gor his 11 th bday in August, his Daddy is redoing our upstairs loft so he has a space thats always been his. Ill then feel safe that he’s not on a floor alone (forgot to mention thats a huge reason) and ill go back to my marital bed. To each family, their own.

      2. In my strongest conviction, allowing this to continue, you replace the connection that should be growing with your spouse with your child. As a parent we should teach a child the way they should grow. The Bible says marriage is honerable and the bed undefined… it is for married husbands and wives. Children are conceived in this sacred place of marriage. We are not to let our children be that dividing line between our spouses. Men are frowned on to co-sleep with their daughters and likewise should be for women with sons, at this age.

        1. I agree with your statement. I have an 11 year old stepson who still sleeps with his mom in her bed when she has him and he wants to sleep in our bed with us (my husband) when he is at our house. I said no. I told my husband if he wants to somehow fulfill a feeling of guilt by sleeping with his son he can go lay in his bed with him. Not exactly where you want to sleep, a stinky 11 year old boys bed!

          1. You are just the step mother you shouldn’t even open your mouth or tell ur husband to fullfill his guilt by co sleeping ..it should be completely up to his father and the son not you to get in the middle of their relationship. You should go sleep in another room and let them bond if that’s what the son and father want. And what kind of step mother are you to call the 11 year olds bed stinky??? I have a 12 year old and wouldn’t say shit like that. Shame on you.

          2. Guilt? You actually sound jealous. And cold..for not realizing the Dad misses his child as a fulltime parent, and the boy misses him.
            Be THE WIFE…but do it with more compassion!!
            U should actually sleep in the boys bed….learn your place an give them quality time.
            Damn stepmothers

          3. U can’t really say that just because the step mother she say wat she said that doesn’t mean that she a bad step mother I just thinking that every kids that are 10-13 they should learn how to sleep in there own bed or sleep with the siblings they can sleep in the same bedroom but not in the same bed with there parent

          4. I agree with you. And the people on here saying you’re jealous or “just a damn step mother” sound like crunchy, crazy bitter ex wives….it’s not fair to you to have an adolescent boy in your bed, it’s weird. If your husband wants the time with his son then yes he should go to the sons bed with him. Don’t feel like you’re asking too much or being “mean” because you’re not.

          5. To Everly;
            My husband constantly says his and his ex’s relationship fell to shit because they got NO private time at all due to cosleeping. Yet, here I am, feeling pissed and upset because because I brought it to my husband’s attention that I needed alone time with him in the bed. We had a baby two months ago and the baby doesn’t sleep with us; neither should the other child. It isn’t fair to me or his other kid for that kid to be sleeping with us. It isn’t fair to his other child because I shouldn’t have to be pissed off at him for sleeping with us, and it isn’t fair to me because I need privacy and intimacy. Absolutely not. My feelings will not be shoved down because his ex was an idiot. I shouldn’t have to be pissed off at a child because his mom’s dumb and started a terrible habit with him. Kids need their OWN beds. Kindly go away with your stupid shit.

          6. How Dare Everly bitter baby mamas ass and the other one say “ ITS BONDING” your weird selves end up with co-defendant little Jeffrey Dahmers and pretty sure your single mothers. You’ll stay that way too, shame on YOU !!

        2. Wow! I was starting to get nervous there, reading these other comments. Finally, a logical and sensible comment. Our job as parents should be to rear and raise our children to be responsible, contributing members of society. Also, to go forth and build their own lives and families. Not to be our co-dependent life partners. That includes initiating boundaries early when needed. A couple needs to build their own bond as lovers and life partners. The couples bed and bedroom should be limited to the couple.

          1. Exactly ! There’s all kinds of reasons why children shouldn’t be sleeping with their parents. Especially a boy with his mother and a daughter with her father. Even the idea of there being jealousy tells you it shouldn’t be happening in the first place. And what is the child learning about independence?? You’re teaching the child that they’re going to need you, or someone else, to feel safe. It’s a very selfish act for a parent who wants their child to cling to them. Stop mothering or fathering the child and teach him or her that they are capable, safe, and trusted to grow into secure healthy happy adults. You should start teaching your child that by age 3 or four. Stop trying to keep them tied to your apron strings because you are needy.

          2. Exactly ! There’s all kinds of reasons why children shouldn’t be sleeping with their parents, when they are no longer toddlers. Especially a boy with his mother and a daughter with her father. Even the idea of there being any jealousy tells you it shouldn’t be happening.
            You’re teaching the child that they’re going to need you, or someone else, to feel safe, which can affect them throughout their life. Teach them they are capable, safe, and trusted to grow into secure healthy happy adults. You should start teaching your child that throughout their childhood.
            Perhaps the reason for allowing your child to sleep in your bed has more to do with your insecurity than the child’s.

        3. I agree, my daughter in law sleeps in next to nothing and barely covers herself, she lets my 10 yr old grandson sleep with her while my son sleeps on the couch, and the boy has his OWN room complete with tv on all night, I walked down the hall tonite and at 1:30 am he is in bed with her, both sitting up watching TV … tomorrow being a school day. There just seems to be an un natural relationship goin on there, she calls him ” my love” ..the 3 yr old autistic baby girl is made to sleep in her toddler bed though…?

        4. Hi I am dating a guy who has 2 daughters, 12 and 7 year old

          Before I moved in they all slept together in his bed every night.
          He cut it off once I moved in, but his youngest starting throwing fits she couldn’t sleep with him. A red flag went up for me

          On weekends they are here we all have to sleep downstairs, she has to hold his hand All night.
          We tried to cut Saturday out and she wouldn’t have it. She is in my opinion unhealthy attached to him
          She constantly has to have his attention at all times.
          He’s now telling me we will all sleep together Wednesday nights too
          He says they’ve been through enough change with divorce
          I can understand that
          But i believe she has some serious attachment issues and she shares a room with her sister so she’s not sleeping alone.
          Kids at that age should be able to sleep alone.
          I truly feel like she rules the house and their relationship goes beyond a normal father/ daughter relationship

          Please help!!

          1. My boyfriend broke it off with me because, I wasn’t ok with her sleeping in the same bed with us. She came in right after we had sex. The following weekend she came in while we were in the middle of it. He would jump up and open the bedroom door. He would sleep in between us. My parents have been married 53 years… I never slept with my dad when I was preteen. I found it very odd and big lack of respect. I was left very confused.

        5. I agree. Husbands and wives should share their bed with each other, not be replaced by a child. That is so dysfunctional. I can’t even imagine having my husband sleep somewhere else because my son wanted to sleep in our bed. It’s no wonder so many married couples get divorced or end up estranged when their children grow up and leave home home. They have made their marriages so child-centric that they don’t even have a relationship with each other anymore.

        6. Thank god for your comment. I work with children that suffer from various forms of mental illness. Co-sleeping regularly at the age of 8 and up is actually selfish and detrimental to a child’s natural developmental process. Grown adults are able to differentiate between what’s acceptable behaviour and what isn’t. Most children don’t have that ability yet. It’s a parents job to raise independent and healthy minded humans. Sleeping with your 10 year old every night only contributes to a co-dependent and developmentally stunted individual. Not to mention, the union between caregivers must be pretty lacking of passion and substance. All these people are going to be miserable years from now when they have an adolescent who thinks they run the household and has difficulty standing on their own two feet out in the real world. They’ll have little respect for privacy and can even form unhealthy jealousies. Clearly some parents still fail to realize that their marriage sets the example for their children of what a relationship is supposed to look like. A youth I worked with last year was having sexual thoughts about her father. Shocker, she was an only child who grew up co-sleeping with dad on a regular basis. No sexual abuse ever took place but she grew to question her father’s innocent snuggles after puberty. She became manipulative and would constantly try to play each parent against the other. She had a warped sense of what a parent-child relationship should look like. Sure, co-sleeping has a large amount of pro’s for the adult (bonding with your child, not having to get up in the middle of the night to comfort, etc.) but the con’s, in regards to how it can negatively affect the child are endless.

        7. You lost me when you pulled the Bible into the mix. Then you continue with the mystical mumbo jumbo by way of explanation — these are just your random religious beliefs and have no bearing on the conversation.

      3. How has it turned out? Be honest. Is he able to leave the house without his hand being held? Does he have any friends? I know someone today who has an 10 year old going on 11 and he must sleep with her every night and have her full attention 24/7. She can not leave the room without him. He has no friends and doesn’t care to step out the door. Schooles have been closed for over 2 months and he loves the heck out of it. How will he survive in a world where you must meet and communicate with new people. This boys mother would rather appease him than deal with the fussing. I do consider it wrong. he is an only child and so was she. He has a room full of stuffed animals, I’d say 2000 or more of them, because every time they go anywhere, he has to have whatever the heck he wants, and will carry on and cry until he gets it, which is about 2 minutes. He doesn’t have to fake cry for long before he gets whatever he wants. I think she is setting him up for huge failure. He does no chores. And I mean none. If he wants something he demands it and she gets it for him. I have never seen anything like it and I call it piss poor parenting. She will find pout when she is bailing him out of jail etc.

        1. Thank you. Honestly, I understand how special the bonding experience can be between parent and child during co-sleeping now and then. But over a certain age, if it’s been routine, it can definitely cause codependency issues for the child later in life.

          My best friend had a broken marriage. They were basically roommates co-parenting their daughter who was an only child. After her daughter was born, her husband stopped sleeping in their martial bed. Instead, he slept in their daughters bed every night until she was about 12. I always thought is was weird but to each their own. As their daughter grew older she struggled with severe codependency – and still does. I think it’s also important for parents to remember that they’re setting an example for their children as to what a romantic relationship is supposed to look like. Choosing to sleep with your child rather than your spouse or partner (on a regular basis) is teaching them that is healthy and normal.

          My friends’ husband absolutely spoiled their daughter. If my friend tried to discipline her for bad behaviour, her husband would lash out causing an argument between parents. This taught her daughter not to respect her and undermine her authority. Sadly, her daughter became somewhat of an entitled spoiled brat. She also thought toxicity and argumentative behavior in relationships was acceptable.

          My friends’ daughter is now 25 years old and struggles with unhealthy relationships that don’t last, codependency, anxiety, selfishness, lack of maturity, and of course, entitlement. She got used to getting her way for so long that she grew up believing the world revolved around her. Eventually you get to an age where you realize that isn’t the case. That itself can be devestating for a young persons’ development. Not to mention, destroy their confidence.

          Her daughter doesn’t have many friends because she lacks empathy and consideration for others. She can’t stand being alone so she will jump into unhealthy relationships just to fill a void. It’s sad to watch her struggle through life as a result of her father’s obsessive and enabling behavior.

          My friends’ now ex-husband is battling cancer and she fears what might become of her daughter if or when he passes away. It will be beyond devestating for a young woman with attachment issues who lacks independence.

          So the choices you make as a parent, whether you think it’s a big deal or not, can certainly have lifelong effects on your children.

          1. I enjoyed your comment more than the article itself! Very well captured, thank you so much for sharing!

            I’m watching a similar unhealthy scenario develop between my Mother and Little brother. It saddens me and I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure he grows into a beautiful human being. 🙏

    2. I’m 13 and this may sound weird coming from a teenager but I haven’t been able to sleep lately, and then I go and wake up my mum and dad and see if I can sleep with them.

      I don’t think this is healthy personally but I can’t help it.

      But there is no need to judge other people parenting as everyone does it differently.
      There is no right or wrong way

      1. Being teenager is so hard these days..
        Snuggle with Mum an Dad..its NOT unhealthy. Ignore people that are y uptight..

    3. No it’s inbred back woods way of life. Poor kid. Read a book and get a degree. Already talked about your family drama so pushing it on a kid. CPS would be all over this.

      1. You need a degree DeeDee and I’m sure CPS has already been to your house several times.. Humorous that the intelligence level is sooooo loooowwww and nauseating. 😂

      2. My bfs 14 yr old sleeps with him and traces his tattoo with his fingers tips and scratches his head to fall asleep. This is TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE….. HE IS BACKWOODS AND I THINK THIS IS SICKENING.

    4. My step daughter allows her 3 youngest children to sleep with her. The oldest is 10 and when she spends the night with us (her grandparents) she insists on sleeping in our bed. I refuse to permit this but allow her to sleep on the floor of our bedroom. She’ll cry for her “mommy” and begs to go home but I will not give in. She is unable to spend the night with friends and has had to be picked up late at night because she is too anxious about not sleeping with her mom. Even when her other siblings and cousins spend the night she gets very anxious and cries to go home . She begs to stay and then begs to leave. I guess I’m a bad grandparent but I just will not agree to this. Our bed is our bed not a family bed.

      1. …now you see how this selfish/convenient behavior of parenting has mentally injured this child. How can the child move forward in life with independence. God forbid if this parent passes away…this child’s devastation would be maximized

      2. This might be weird coming from one of the people of interest in this post but, I just turned twelve and find my self co-sleeping with my mother (Don’t worry I’m a girl ). It’s not every night and I also like sleeping alone . I can go to sleepovers and camps just like “normal” . I have started to read articles like this one to get more information. I feel that I am independent to a degree and don’t find it a problem . I’m not quite sure exactly ~why~ I co-sleep with her but we have been through some stuff together and I feel safer sleeping in her bed . Can you guys not hate me for doing research or commenting on this article like some other people (I’m talking about you dee dee) . I am very close to my mother and it doesn’t effect our relationship at all . I will grow out of it In a couple months and I don’t get what’s a big deal about it . It doesn’t ruin the dynamic for she and I at all .-12 year old girl (P.S. If any of you try to come for me or be hateful and your spelling and grammar are not good I won’t pay you any mind )

          1. Exactly!!! Also screams of weirdness that she needed to post it.
            Kids need their own beds. Emotional incest is a thing.

      3. Wow…..that’s the memory she will have of you.
        Every child needs different things. Your treating her like she’s a sook, your old school an so tuff.
        Why not hug her in the time u have with her….you’ll be dead soon..

    5. My great grand daughter sleeps just with her dad. Mom & dad are not married or living together. He has her and her younger brother on weekends. She’s 3 & he’s 1 1/2. He doesn’t want his son in his bed at all! I think there is something wrong with this situation!
      He likes to close the door when they’re in there together. Unnatural to me! Don’t know what to do about this situation?
      Thank You,

      1. My 1st child resided with me; the mother @age 21 since she was born.( my first rental ever, 2br). Age 20! AStarting newborn to Four months, she wouldn’t sleep in bassinet only on my chest or she wouldn’t sleep. My mother was welcome to be my roomate I got the place myself. The father to child I decided to let live with me were (8 yrs apart) he was 28. I still felt like I was single, least to say looked at like bait knowing all I do now. I was reasonable an allowed physical an mental abuse by being caring an trying to build a family. My sunshine started turning into clouds. Deep down should of said bye while pregnant with her. But I left my place to my mom thinking that the home he bought with the hero is his mother was really for us. Made it a cozy home it was 2br as well. An we each had our own dogs his female an mine male. We needed Boundaries an allergies -team work as we were freshly new at this hole parenting process. Daughter going on 1 years. Had her own br, we had our br. It came down to putting another mattress in my child’s room. There was us on same bed an even then I was left dealing with complete opposite of team work. Control, manipulation, physical abuse, mental abuse, i was looked at like a maid, affection was never Givin from him to me, I was yelled at constantly an put down. Belittled an spit on, held down from trying to step out the door with our child. Stopped by him putting me in body holds, cloths ripped off an choked. Right in front of my little girl. The control escalated, I worked part time, only on the days he had off. He worked “full time” I still payed for every thing we needed. While paying him back for any money he gave me. I ended up losing a battle that I never intended for or wanting. On my 4 hrs shifts,( 4 different times) & situations. I come home to him saying our daughter killed the kitten. One the times I told him specifically that kitty needs kept in laundry room no windows or doors left open. Told him why had my reasons; from what I saw my toddler try to do that day with the kitty while watching her an cleaning up the house, an how to prevent this one from death. He agreed! Come home, windows open every door open an kitty gone. His dog on the bran new couch I bought, kids bed, “our bed’ you name it. He would treat the dog with tongue smoochs, never played fetch or took her on walks, he called her his princess, cuddled her all the time. Claimed she had a home vet an never did turns out n he hated cats an hated boy dogs,
        an abused my dog. My dog was never a furniture dog. He didn’t like to be on my bed he wanted his own or the floor. My dog was very loved an cared for by me, pampered, reg.vet check ups, shots up to date, flea treated, bathed, walked, played fetch, he was my best friend. New manners, respectful, protective, hated violence or physical harm, he tried his best too. He ended up with 4 broken ribs trying to keep me safe. I wok up to the father of my child in our room that not only was my daughters but shared with me now, separate beds, going on another year, miserable an gaslighted, you name it, pushed out of the home when it came to questioning a behavior, the facts, the situation that lead him to became abusively defensive over everything, it was a nightmare. First time mom, actual first relationship in thought an never loved at by him, or supported. I still felt alone. He changed the locks to house. I couldn’t get in when I got off my closing shifts. The garage worked to all sudden the next day it was dismantled. I couldn’t get in. He never gave me a back door key. He started closing the doggy door an shutting the laundry room door as for also locking it. When I got “home” after 11 sometimes 12am. I had to knock. Couldn’t freely or comfortably get into “our house” myself (happily). Or feel like this was a 👪(family home.) Nor ever did I feel like his girlfriend, mother of his child, or any form of commitment from him, every thing was on his own terms. I believed lies, so i was hopeful trying to stay strong. Do it for the child an try to go about a normal life. His parents struggled with abuse before they departed. My mother an father were very equal an understanding I never seen them be abusive. Point is, when i wok up that day early in the am around 6 in the morning, I thought he was late for work. Still made his lunch after all he done an been like, but he was sitting on our 2 yr Olds bed an his hand on her, caressing her face to feet, slowly over an over again. I finally said what are you doing? He said she was up walking around an I’m putting her back to sleep. After so long an getting frustrated, I said she never got up, she has been asleep. He said her eyes were open, I got out of bed started to record it an he shoved me so hard I flew back, tripping while slamming in to the wall. In fear, crying, he then grabbed her up an tried to leave with her. At 630 am, I’m wondering wtf by this point. Cause weeks prior before this incident my little girl was on the couch one day an was shoving a market in an out motion in her private part. I stopped her of course an asked her were she learn that? She told me “daddy”. I personally was astonished, never seen a little person behave in this manner. I did bring it to his attention, an said we may need to seek professional advice an get help being first time parents to understand if this was normal behavior. He instantly got all defensive an replied back saying (what do you think ppl will think) you an I are the only ones that watch her. No one else. I said I’m not sure, but I need reassurance this is normal behavior. He said “so what are you accusing me of raping our daughter? I said absolutely not, but he refuse to seek help I recommended we do. He took her random places trying to avoid me, after so many days going into weeks struggling with concerns that became very questionable in his behalf an hers. He told me to research molestation an none molestation facts. Said she had seen his porn. FYI I’ve never had any sexual activity or any for that matter that my daughter could of witnessed between us. I never seen him watch porn or watch it with him. He told me while i was at work he an him would bath an maybe she is mimicking his boy part. I never new he bathed with her. He didn’t even shower with me or kiss me or hold my hand. He cuddled his dog in bed. I had all kinds of thoughts an worries that I wanted answers to. I Said if he is bathing with her then wear boxers. Then right in front of me while I was about to head to work, he starts a bath like it’s for her. First I’ve seen him do in front of me, then puts her in an then proceeds even after our condo day before to wear boxers he slips them off. I said (did you bump your fn head) we literally just talked About this. It started a huge argument with him getting defensive about it. I then said to myself I obviously need to get advice or support threw my family members my mom an two sisters were with me in the parking lot waiting for him to bring our daughter to seek a professional docs thoughts he told me he was with his mom. I called her an I said nate said he is with you with my daughter an I don’t appreciatethe patent alienationthat is happening. She interrupted me an said did you go all coocoo? I haven’t spoke to my son today an even if he did want me in town I couldn’t be there I’m out of town. Ib looked at my family in fear called him back said I some to your mom she is outof town were are you? He said in the woods! I said this is a serious matter after all an now lieing about who an where your at? ( all of what I explained above started taking place after this situation.) No one helped me. My evidence was earned an I was never able to press assault charges on my own behalf. Or keep my daughter for immediate danger that I filed with the court. My evidence was taken in by authoritys an a file look was put on my phone with all the bruises on my body done by him. I was mistreated an told if I wanted to know right then an there then you wouldn’t have prolonged the concerns or safety of the well being for my child an since I ended up leaving the (home)I was considered the neglectful parent being accused of using drugs. I volunteered to pee several times an no one acknowledged me. No one did any thing to help me. It was there hear say. Not even my proof of evidence behind closed doors helped me seek justice for the mental abuse an violence around the child did me no good, not even him running my dog over in reverse while driving on a main rd with me in the back of the truck going 40 mph in a 25 mph trying to harm me at the same time. My daughter crying screaming stop daddy. Mommy. Over an over. No one took my report. No one in my town who I thought by law; would investigate or helped me. My daughter dealt with symptoms her own ped.doc that was mine as a kid never took seriously. The day my relative an I made app. An seen with about my concerns after all this ignored every red flag that could been severe an the reasons why my daughter had claimed of her for head always hurting, stinging while peeing, crossing her legs every where she went moving them back an forth. At age 3 she was caught an seen with another Ovid down there an playing with her self as if she was literally masterbating. He stopped bathing with her at age 6 years old an she recalls daddy recently asking her if she wanted to bath with him, but he would wear boxers. She said daddy makes her feel uncomfortable. Now he baths with her brother, closes the br doors an she asked him what is taking so long. He told her soaking up the warm bath water with bub will be out shortly. Sleeps with our son. Slept in his bed with dog feeces an urine from its dog who ended up getting antaxia. To then keeping that mattress still a year later to the same day of the day she died, keeping clean laundry on itwith the door closed sleeping in her room. As for having her sister over 4 years apart from my 1st an he was sleeping on couch with her, bathing with her keeping a secret about it, to her sister getting a firm of a virus that ppl consider abstract all over her private area as for also her telling me daddy touches her an showed me. I looked up at God an said why is this happening again. My research done was waist time, my kids medical concerns went ignored for 2weeks, an I tried to seek more help for this being a repeative behavior, same way different child same age all over again. I never wanted to think the worse or what ifs ….this was the case for real. until it took another child saying an doing it again. It was questionable long time ago, but now i truly believe 🙏in prayer an God watching over an the signs I can’t ignore like every one else. Nothing was recorded or put on file an I was then accused of teaching the 2nd child this to frame the father. This is the worse thing any parent could go threw. Cps worker said I can seek justice or have it investigated do to my child being 2 years old an not old enough to testify. I’m looked at as proverty, single mom, working 2 jobs an still don’t make enough to not get off of benefits that help me get by. It’s come to letting go of a job in order to be there for my children. Left An right I been falsely slandered on an unheard. Judged an belittled. An incredibly screwed over with the system in this town. Every parent should be mutual an respect each other when it comes to there children Sadly for some parents it is not this way. 😔 I fear for my children while no evidence beside his hear say over rules my detailed an brief explanations an events that taken place was looked at, but objected to an said it could of been made up, even with witness present, videos of hostility or violence or pictures still did me any good in this town. This isn’t even all of it. But hurts deep down inside to even think about it. How can you protect our child if you can’t protect them from it then or now when no one will help you?

        1. I have a friend of 16 years now from elementary school. She recently just now told me that 3 men in her family touched her an molested her. But she loved them an didn’t know any different really veggie it been happening to her since she was a toddler tell age 11. She never told any one. She never told me tell years years years down the road. She was very insecure an dressed Gothic her parents were both addicts didn’t work jobs. But she didn’t know any life beside this. She then told me( knowing my situation that I’m struggling with ) that daddy’s can touch there little girls however they want too. It broke me too hear that from her. No one really knows what’s happening with there children or who with our for how long. Every one should wake up. ⏰ screw the grammars an spelling in English, there is bigger things that need taken seriously that the so called law doesn’t bother to help investigate the people an children who really needed it that never got acknowledged. Or half yall voted for someone who sniffs an inappropriately touches kids an no one sees that as wrong? Wake up America sexualizing on kids is disgusting an disturbing an 2 year Olds deserve to testify. Upon all my research it’s all been byote . The actions it says to take to protect an prevent an who to reach out to is false.

    6. My 17 year old son has lived with his Dad since he was 11. He would visit me on the weekend and it was more like a “sleepover”. He missed me and my cuddles and would fall asleep in my bed watching TV until 13. Now he’s 17, every time he visits he likes to cuddle for a few minutes in the morning and he gets up. I think he knows it’s strange to him after a few minutes and be gets up and goes to his own bed. But it’s nice for us to get a little time for me to hug him close. Soon I’m sure he won’t ever really do this again.

    7. As an educator I feel it’s very important for 11 year old children to have their own bed , space and sleep in it , to enabling their social and emotional development. But when my 11 year son went for a sleepover his friends mother co sleeps and she did when my son was there in the bed . Unfortunately I feel this isn’t morally correct and won’t allow my son to sleep over there

    8. Yup, it will last until she is 13, at which point she will be sleeping in bed with every 14 year old boy that she comes across. She is used to sleeping with someone and doesn’t feel that it is fair that you get to sleep with someone while she sleeps alone. You agreed with her. So don’t scold her when she comes up pregnant at 13 years old. It will be your fault as you failed to be a parent. It has been 5 years. How many grandchildren do you have?

    9. Sorry but for all you parents out there if you have not bonded with your young boy or girl by the time they are 9 10 11 or 12 you have issues not them…..more problems to come…..

    10. These situations are so wierd I mean the reason you have a room and they have their room is because yall are the parents and they are the kids you have a marital bed that is also where you are or should be being intimate at. If before a certain age like 5 or 6 OK but when they really start getting used to the world and gaining their own identity they should not be in your bed especially if one of the parents has to leave then it’s like they are taking the place of the other parent and creating a type of bond that should be more so between husband and wife there is no way I or anyone in my entire family have allowed this even if someone tired the older generation would have stepped in immediately a child needs to learn independence this seems like it’s more for the condoning parent than the child son/daughter neice/nephew cousins after a certain age you not in the same bed as the parents especially if you have your own bedroom I mean your the parent you supposed to set boundaries it’s not about being fun or cool that’s not what life is about and only going to do harm in the long run I can’t believe it’s so many people condoning this behavior I literally come from a place where it was less of a choice and arrangements still were made even if we was in the same room at one point personally Im the oldest of 3 my sis is 2 years younger we had our own room we shared at a point but I couldn’t wait for the day where I had my own room and only wanted to sleep in my parents room if I had a nightmare or something and even then I remember waking up in my own bed so for people to have a choice and continue to have their kids sleep in the bed with them especially as a couple and have the option of them having their own room is just so off to me I would think it would hinder a lot with them developing as well rounded and adjusted adults you couldn’t go to any school and let someone know you still sleep in your parents bed they would get bullied and made fun of so bad if they can talk and use the bathroom on their own they too old to be in your bed I dated a girl who would let her daughter just barge in the room and unlock the door when it was lo ked and sleep in our bed if I wasn’t there and sometimes tried when I was and it was so weird and off-putting made me not want to be around the child although I kept it cordial to the kid as best as possible but ultimately completely turned me off mentally emotionally and physically with the mother it was almost like it was the kids room and they was a couple kind of like a codependency they definitely shouldn’t be in your bed hitting their preteens either you just making them a target for all types of things that once they leave the false safety of that bed and house that you’re giving them is going to make it hard for them in so many ways I actually feel bad for these kids cause it’s not really their fault it’s bad training from a young age and just not how the family dynamics work to create the most positive and productive outcome

    11. I am a 59 year old Southern gal. I grew up with a lot of love and affection from my parents and I knew with all my heart they loved me. My parents were hard workers and we were disciplined at a very young age to help out around the house , as needed, where it was needed. We just KNEW to sleep in OUR own room and OUR own beds and that was perfectly fine with us and we was content with that. My precious Mother always came in our bedroom and hugged us and kissed us and tucked us in bed and said our prayers with us… until we left home. I just don’t agree with parents or grandparents allowing their children/grandchildren sleeping with them. To me, it’s unfair to the hard working parents/grandparents trying to rest and it’s unfair to the children/grandchildren in the long run.. because in there minds they MUST sleep in YOUR bed in order to sleep and that could go on for years and I don’t think it’s good for a marriage. I absolutely love and adore my two sons and my seven grandchildren, but … I too was always a very hard worker having to get up at 3:30 am to get ready for work… so.. I NEVER allowed my children to sleep with me… I love snuggling up with my babies and cuddling with them.. but it’s not logical and it would not work and I would be like a zombie going to work with no sleep. I’m sure y’all are great parents. That’s my opinion.

  2. Ok then you are one weirdo! Some people don’t have a clue of what the word Structure for a child means! I bet when he does NT want o shower that’s ok to he will when he feels like it in his lifetime. Probably won’t want to take out the tray or Ave any responsibility either! Really?
    We wonder why our society is so messed up?

    1. Actually, he is a very well-behaved, independent child and he does do chores and has redponsibilities. I don’t need need to defend myself to you. lol

    2. Just give us a break…and no, my child doesnt sleep with me…but cant stand judgemental people …wondering if you guys are so perfect and yoyr lives are so perfect….

    3. I agree these kids don’t know any other way and they won’t change as they get older
      This is habit and routine
      When a child is young and they wake up afraid, then console them
      Teach them everything is ok
      Stay with them until they fall back asleep in their Bed

      Forming good habit or forming bad habits
      That is what this is

      1. I agree, it is learned behaviour and has become habitual. There are other ways to bond with your child.
        My daughter was 2 when her father and I split up. When we moved, I ordered a full size bed for her to be delivered to our new home.
        The bed was delayed by 3 weeks and I decided to let her sleep with me, instead of setting up the crib. Bad move. The 3 week delay, turned into 6 weeks and that took me almost 6 months to get her back into her own room!!
        I couldn’t imagine trying to change that routine after years!!
        My stepdaughter allows our 10 year old, grandson to sleep with her. My husband and I have tried to discourage this.
        We recently renovated one of our spare bedrooms for him to stay in when they visit.
        We find him in bed with his mom every morning.
        The only time he stays in his room when Mom is around, is if there is a sleepover with one of his cousins or a neighbourhood child.
        He will not sleep by himself.
        Those parents that think the behaviour will just change when the child is ready are fooling themselves.

    4. Well hopefully he will concentrate on grammar and spelling instead?
      You wonder why society is messed up?
      I wonder how we got to a stage where no-one has a grasp of the English language anymore.

    5. Learn something: Co-sleeping is the norm for most of the world, and was in “Western” countries until quite recently.

  3. I think passing judgement on someone else’s family dinamic is more disturbing than a child sleeping with their parent. Shame on you Connie for attacking her like that. Your delivery was just wrong!

    I personally have a almost 9yr old daughter & I am going back and forth with this situation as well. I have one child and as much as I love the extra room in my bed on the nights I put her in her room, I also find myself missing that snuggle time with her. How I see it, this “window” of time is going to grow smaller & smaller as she gets a little older & than I am going to be missing it that much more! I say….do what makes you & your family comfortable! There isn’t anything I enjoy more than snuggling with my daughter!

    1. Love your comment Amy…well done you…i have got a little girl too and ocassionally we sleep together…i love being close to her, giving her hugs and feel her breath on my face. I know she grows up and i will never ever get the chance to hold this little human being in my arms the way i do it now.

    2. Learn how the word dynamic is spelled. When a daughter has reached puberty (age 13) and she is now having a period and yet it still is the “norm” for her to sleep in her dad’s bed, yet she doesn’t sleep in her mom’s bed when she’s at her mom’s house is not only odd but creepy. The father uses the excuse that the other bedroom (although it has two beds in it) is occupied by my 15 year old son who is well behaved and not interested in his daughter in the least. I could see if it was a one bedroom house and no other bed or bedroom existed, but at age 13 you can’t sleep on your own you will never be independent and mature. This is sad and creepy. Kids should be in their own beds by age 8 or 9. No wonder everyone cries out that this generation of kids are “coddled” too much and complete wusses. Seriously, grow up a bit.

      1. Why on Earth would anyone put a 13 year old girl and 15 year old boy in the same room?

        This dad is protecting both children/teens.

        What you are suggesting is not normal on any level.

        15 year old boy?

        If this dad is your boyfriend…..or husband you will not be dating much longer if you think or continue your thinking.

        It is not the same thing.

        15 year old boys! You are asking for trouble.

        Leave that man alone and his daughter.

        When families split up, blended families dating, it’s so much.

        Parents protect their children….you need to protect your son as well.
        Protect them from doing impulsive exploratory things.

        Get out of your feelings and thinking.

      2. Hallelujah! You are right, it is creepy. Kids need to learn how to comfort themselves and get to sleep on their own or they will always be dependent on someone else for those things – comfort and sleep. I would feel like a bad parent if I allowed that to happen.

  4. When there is a sleep-over, how does a co-sleeping middle school child (11,12?) explain to his/her friend that they will be going to sleep with mommy while their friend sleeps alone? Or does the other child get invited into the bed too, only to return home the next day & tell his/her parents??
    Or, on the flipside, how does a co-sleeper go to a friend’s for a sleepover? Or camp? Or on a trip with a friend? Do they ask to sleep withtge friend’s mimmy? Or the camp counselor?
    Ohhhhhhh, MAYBE they just don’t get to do those fun childhood things!!
    Why do none of the pro co-sleeping paents discuss developmental, psychological, emotional impacts (present & future) on the child? Privacy, independence, sexuality (exploring their bodies, realizing their parents need their private intimate alone time) being able to COPE with being alone.
    Do u cuddle, wake up wrapped around your 12 year old? 9, 8, 7 year old? How are they supposed to learn boundaries and also explore new & different things? Aren’t you afraid they’ll live with you forever because they know no other way? You are parents & your children’s brains aren’t fully develpied until their 21. Why are they chosing? Guide them, parent them, they are looking to you for that!!!!
    Wow, where does the line get drawn??

    1. I agree. I’m so tired of hearing parents say that their kid will decide, I’ve even heard this about potty training, after I told the mom we put my 6month old on a baby toilet once a day she scolded me. Her son was 3 and just “wasn’t” ready to try. I made it a fun experience where I would sing to him a cute song and after the song he would get off. He is almost 2 and dose great on the toilet. We have a ruitinee bed time. We read to him which he LOVES, then we sing him a song. After that we turn off his light and one of us stays with him 5-15 minutes depending on what we think he needs for that night. We’ve made it so he can’t close his door by accident so if he needs us he’ll get up and come to us. Which hardly ever happens. Children need love, nurturing, and structure. My son wakes up happy. And he knows hee loved Even with the rules.

      1. Honestly thank you ! I see my son every second weekend and he lives with his father and when he is with me he sleeps in the same bed. You have opened my eyes to see that its not healthy and your right if he needs me he will come to me. I guess I just feel like I am missing out so I cherish the time we have together but your absolutely correct. Hes not a baby any more and I cant keep treating him like one

      2. It took you a year and a half to get your child to potty and you think that’s successful? Those of us who listen to the actual experts on the subject know that waiting until your child is ready means essentially no “training” at all. They’re kids, not dogs FFS.

    2. As a father with a co-sleeping child in the house (not by my own choice and I strongly wish it were not true) I might have some insight.

      Our co-sleeper sleeps with other kids when they are around instead of with Mom. Camping or any overnight outside of the home is hard for him as he gets anxious about sleeping.

      Our son does have boundary issues in my opinion and is severely dependent on his mother. I’m not sure which came first: the dependency or the co-sleeping. He has a hard time in school both academically and socially due to lack of independence.

      By the way, he is eight years old now and not showing any signs of reversing any of the above mentioned trends.

          1. Unfortunately,it is the truth.

            The only “helpful” advice here, is it needs to stop.

            This trend cannot continue as a boy matures and hits puberty. Where is the line drawn.. when he starts waking up next to his co-sleep with an erection, or with semen in the bed from a wet dream?

            There is a reason every medical and pyscological organization in the world agrees co-sleeping should end by age 6.

            Parent claiming “I just love our snuggle time” need to wake up to reality. Snuggle time is not something your child should need at age 8, 9 or 10. They will be having sex in 4-6 years. Stop coddling their development, and act like a mature and intelligent person and understand that this indulgence needs to stop sooner or later. The longer you wait, the more difficult and damaging it is to your son or daughter.

            This thread is full of selfish parents that want their child to be their “baby” forever, and it is sad because it just decreases their childs chances at success in every way.

    3. I agree with you. Kids have their own room for a reason. I live with someone and his 9 yr old daughter sleeps in the bed with us on the other side of him. I don’t like it cause it’s ruining our time alone, I have told him this many times. He sees nothing wrong with it but I do. Her behavior is not like other kids. She thinks she rules the house and his disrespectful towards me.

      1. Same problem here!! 7months pregnant!! Boyfriend has a 8 yr old son and I have 7yrold daughter (who sleeps by herself, in her own bed) but my boyfriend think it’s okay to allow his 8yr old son to sleep with us!! So I’ve been sleeping on the couch for the past month!! And I spoke with him about it several times.. still nothing… I feel uncomfortable sleeping with someone else’s child!! Especially at that age… it’s not right

        1. I agree my boyfriend of 2 yrs 11 almost 12 yr old son when I am not there he sleeps with his Dad on the weekends and Holidays and often will say please do not come over tonight its our bonding time .. He go an ac for the bedroom and I said Your son will want one in his room and he said why he can sleep with me .. I find this not healthy for us as a couple so as important as his Son is Our relationship has had its time of strange allowances time for moving on .

          1. You’re uncomfortable with sleeping with someone’s child………….. so it’s not about the “co-sleeping” but that it’s not your own. Nice parenting, lots of love in that house. All I can say is I hope the boyfriend wises up and kicks you to the curb.

    4. OMG Melinda seriously !!! I sleep with my daughter too and she loves having sleepover and sleep in her with her friend … we can’t judge a situation and speaking about it like that without experiencing it !!!

  5. What if your child has or goes on sleep-over, goes to camp, or goes on a trip with a friend’s family??? When they stay at Grandma’s, does she let her pubescent grandson stay in bed with her???

  6. I have family member who sleeps with HER 15year old son. He can’t sleep over at people’s houses Cuz he needs to sleep with his mom. His sister Even feels uncomfortable ^& her marriage suffers. Their needs to be limits

    1. Wow…the reason I found this thread was because I wanted to know if my 10 yr old son was the only kid in the world that still wants to sleep with his Mom! He says he doesn’t like to be alone and he does love to hug and snuggle, but he will sleep in his own bed if I INSIST. But I have noticed that it is getting harder and harder to get him out of my bed (he reads books in it, watches TV in it, it is a very comfortable king size bed). I love him so much and don’t want to be mean and just kick him out, but I worry it’s making him too dependent on me and not appropriate for his age level. When his friends come over, he sleeps in his own bed and they sleep in the other bunkbed so he can def. sleep without me, but I do think he has anxiety that is part of the problem and that he is basically afraid to sleep alone. He does go to friend’s houses for occasional sleepovers and he can fall asleep in his own bed, but it’s still a nightly pleading that I am faced with.

  7. I see this situation with my sister and her almost 13 year old son. The rest of us in the family think it’s totally weird and that my sister and her husband are doing major damage to my nephew. The kid has his own room, so they call it his room, but all his belongings are still in their room and he is afraid to sleep in his room. I think it’s just about the weirdest thing ever and I don’t understand. When he has friends over for a sleepover he sleeps in his room and pretends that that is his room the whole time. Which tells me that they know it’s weird and I don’t want the friends to find out. I mean come on what gives already? The teach my nephew zero responsibility, he has zero tours, he’s not an independent thinker, & I think it’s all because they don’t force him to grow up at all. They think it’s cute that he still wants to cuddle, but I think that baby part of life is over, and it’s time to prepare him for being a young adult already. You’re almost 13 years old, and it’s time to grow up a bit. And he hasn’t even learn to sleep in his own bed yet?! It’s crazy, and super weird, & I believe ultimately damaging to my nephews near future.

  8. I was FORCED to share a bedroom AND the bed with my mother for many years after my parents divorced. I am the daughter. I found it disgusting, morbid, humiliating and so horrendous that now, at almost age 49, I am still shocked I was forced to do so. My brother had his own bedroom with a door he kept closed and locked. I was forced to sleep with our mother for years and she chronically beat me, humiliated me and forced me to be the household slave, too. I was given meager food while my brother was fed like a king. If he even mowed the lawn once per year, that was all he did and you would have thought he’d painted the Sistine Chapel over how she raved over his efforts. Meanwhile, I cooked and cleaned every day from age nine onward and to this day, I resent all I was forced to do under complete tyranny, PLUS I couldn’t even have my own space. The very IDEA she thought it would be okay for me to share her bed and the bedroom with her instead of finding a rental with three bedrooms.

    1. It’s interesting you say this. My niece is in a similar situation as you were. I don’t know if her mother beats her (I assume not) but she’s excessively anxious and dependent on her mother. If someone had asked you as a child whether you wanted to sleep in the same bed as your mother, would you have said yes?

    2. Hi, I just had to weigh in and tell my story. I was a daughter forced to sleep with my mom for 17 years till I went to college (and then every time I came home for summers, holidays, etc.). They were married; my father slept on the pull out couch in the living room. I would ask for us to move so I could have my own room; maybe it was because they did not have enough money as we lived in NYC and there was rent control on the apartment. I repeatedly asked for my own bed and was put off or told things like “it would break up the furniture set,” which struck me as trivial and a bad reason to not change things. I asked if I could be the one to sleep on the pull-out couch and was told that my father needed the air conditioner (there was only one of those). I ALWAYS resented not having my own space. Even knowing as an adult that money issues are not so easily solved, they could easily have prioritized my needs and gotten two beds or at least slept together (like a married couple) and let me sleep on the couch. I think they just didn’t want to sleep with each other, which is fine, but I was the one who suffered for it because they didn’t want to change or get used to even a small thing for my benefit. I was an only child and thankfully did not experience the other abuse you described, but this seriously caused me ISSUES. For one, I felt I could not, WOULD not, have friends over because they would see the one bed and wonder where I slept. It stunted my social development and my sense of self-worth and identity. In addition, I knew from an early age that I was queer and sleeping with my mom was especially weird and slightly creepy in retrospect, even though there was no sexual abuse. So, though there are clearly some differences, you are not completely alone. That’s what I wanted to say, because I have felt pretty much alone with this particular problem in modern day US culture. I can’t even imagine what it was like to be in your situation; I fear I would have become violent.

  9. I would love some input on this situation. I had a boyfriend, who is 32, and has an 11 year old daughter. He also has a 9 year old son. But his daughter feels the need to sleep with her dad every time they are at his house. He has 50/50 custody of his children, so it’s not like he doesn’t get to see them. We have only been dating for 5 months, and when I would stay over there not to long after we got together, he would even let his daughter sleep with us. Just Because she wanted to. I even told him I felt uncomfortable, and yet he did nothing.. his son would try to sleep with us too, but he would tell him no, but never his daughter.
    There has been tines where he has taken off all his clothes to change, or just got out of the shower, and didn’t even ask his daughter to leave the room So he can change. He would be naked, showing it all in front of his 11 year old daughter.. it was so incredibly uncomfortable for me to be in there while she is in there and he is naked, and it was no big deal to either of them. she looked at him and then looked back at the TV like it was nothing.. I honestly find their relationship to be a little weird. It’s an unsettling feeling I have.. I mean, he was a great dad , and that’s why I liked him in the first place, because I also have 2 children. It was always weird, but I never said anything.. but one night, while me and my kids were over his place to stay the night, my 7 year old daughter started crying and not feeling good, and asked to sleep with us. This was the first time ever she even asked to lay in the same bed as us, so I didn’t care, but when he came in the rokm, he got upset she was still in the bed with me, and wasn’t going to sleep in the other room. When u said she is sleeping with is, he said no and that she needed to sleep elsewhere. I told him about her not feeling good, and that his kids, especially his 11 year old daughter had slept with us nemerous times, but my 7 year old daughter couldn’t!!!! I was baffled..
    Not only does she see him naked, sleep with him, but she also doesn’t have any chores at his house, because he makes his son do it all, and when he would talk about doing things, and going olaces, he would always say he needs to bring his daughter, but never his son..

    Is it me, or is this a little strange?? Advise, and/or comments would be great.. but please nothing rude!!!

    1. If leave his ass. Your kids matter too and clearly he doesn’t care about them. Sorry but if be pissed too. Sick kids are so hard to see when your a patent.

    2. His kids, both the daughter and son are going to cause you a lot of trouble. But make sure you tell him what’s wrong before you leave him.

    3. There is definitely some issues there, ive grew up doing foster care with worse of worse cases of abuse and seen many stages. Studied child psychology and there is going to be many issues with the son in that situation and daughter shpuld not be seeing her father naked under any circumstances. Once child knows difference between 2 sexes they shouldn’t see their parents naked at all. That is very unhealthy situation and should get away from that as soon as possible

  10. Sorry to add more, but I forgot to add this.. she is NOT able to sleep with her mom and her moms boyfriend because she is too old, and also has to do dishes, sweep, and do other chores at her mom’s, as well as her little brother… I just don’t get why her dad is this way?!?

    1. Hi Missy –
      It’s been a few years since you made this comment, so I don’t know if you will see this. However, I wanted to put this comment on here to help anyone else that might be going through this. What you are describing is clearly indicative that your boyfriend (hopefully former by now) is a narcissistic parent. He is doting on the daughter – she is the “golden child” – and putting everything bad on the son – he is the “scapegoat.” The way this dynamic works, your kids will end up being scapegoated as well – as you saw when your daughter tried to get in bed with you because she was not feeling good and he wasn’t having it. The only one that will be adored – and will get away with everything – will be his golden child daughter. There are many excellent sites talking about this dynamic that can help; one I particularly like is “Will I Ever Be Good Enough” .com (all together, without the quotes). However, the author Dr. Susan Forward has also done some excellent work around this topic. If you google “narcissist golden child scapegoat” you should come up with many great resources.

      I will say that it is also not healthy for you to be in that relationship. A narcissistic person will make you feel crazy, break your self-esteem, and continuously manipulate for their own ends. It’s important to get yourself and your kids out of there ASAP.

  11. This is abusive, period. Everything you described is inappropriate to the max. Many people talk about ‘people in other countries’ but last time I looked those same people lead very ‘American’ lives. This whole topic has me shaking my head. Get out of that relationship, from my outsider opinion, it couldnt be more clear that something is very wrong, additionally he does not show you, your requests, or your children the respect of a ‘bed mate’.

  12. I feel bad for the kids they should learn to sleep on there own. What if you want to have sex with the other parent? That is right you can’t because the kid is in your bed. This is what is wrong with the world today we let the kids do what they want an the parents are divorced quick because of this.

    1. Umm I’m 10 and I’m reading this because I don’t know if I will grow or not so that why there no reason to say that

    2. Really… Really? Doug, you must not have a lot experience with the world then, parents can have sex with each other outside of “bed time” and away from their child(ren) at the same time. We let children make their own decisions because we’re not narcissistic control freaks who lusts over the idea of creating a “mini-me”. So no, it’s not the cause of “what’s wrong with the world today” as there are too many other factors to list on why divorces happen more often nowadays. But aside from that, it’s an awful argument to your initial point(Which should’ve been completely left, in all honesty).

  13. when my son has sleep overs, they set up camp in the livingroom. He has no problem sleeping away from me. He also has no problem sleeping outside of our home. He is just used to and comfortable with going to sleep w Mommy while we are home. That’s all he’s known since birth. The reason he doesn’t tell his friends is because in reality, it is none of their business. (p.s. 9 out of 10 of his friends have or continue to cosleep. Parent’s talk.) Some kids still sleep with a stuffed toy or a blanket, they don’t let their friends know that either. Why not you ask? These are little things that children carry with them for security. None of these things hurt, beat, molest or abuse, so I really think you people who are so against it should use all your time and energy to find out who is causing real harm to their children and try to make a difference in that child’s life. And if it still bothers no, no-one said you have to accept it. But be respectable or keep your 2 cents to yourself.

    1. Can you spell denial? I don’t have my own child i need to worry for. I had a friend who was wondering if this was wrong or right, decided to surf the net and see what other parents and docs say. After reading everyone and the article…ummm i say be a parent not a friend. Teach your kids boundaries otherwise you’ll have hell to pay when they are a teen. Dealing with this early on can prevent future social problems. I have nephew who slept in his parents bed for years. He ditched school and was a bully when he went. Has major hatred for women. He is now 20 and cant keep a job. Just does what he wants when he wants and no respect for authority. Reading this article makes me wonder if his parents put their foot down then, maybe my nephew could wound up with a better outcome in life. Im baffled how some of these moms & dads are willing the play russian roulette with the future of their child.

  14. I am in a relationship with a man that still does the co sleep and shower thing. They always sit together, hold hands together, sleep, shower, when at restaurants, she makes sure her seat is touching, her body touching. Eating from his plate.
    On the flip side, he is a great dad and attentive to her every call. But as his partner, i am on the outside.
    I am lonely. I walk by myself, sleep in another room, sit by myself. They go on dates and eat out. From my side, i am heartbroken and alone, from their side, they dont even notice i there.
    Example: a family ski trip for five days
    He and his almost 12yr old share a bed and a room. My kids and i in another room. On the ski fields, them two can ski alone together for many hours before he realizes he hasnt seen me for over 3 hrs. Meanwhile, i skiing on my own. My kids older teenagers, doing their own thing. I do spend a little time with my kids, but they developing into independent adults in a couple yrs.
    Even meals they attached to each other. Did i mention we been in relationship nearly 2.5 yrs. Its upsetting, forgive me for wincing!

    1. Hi Belinda. Does your partner know how you feel? It may be that he doesn’t. (I am in no way taking sides.) However, I just feel that looking on the positive side, he may feel that because he is that way with his daughter, that you are that way with your kids, and not even realize that you feel like an outsider. He may also feel very secure in your relationship and may just assume you share the same feelings.
      I personally would try speaking with him about how you feel. If he is a good man that cares about your feelings, he will understand and try to make adjustments to make sure all those who are close to him, his partner (you) and his kids, feel loved and appreciated.
      I wish you much happiness.

    2. I have the same situation. She’s 11 his 56. They use to had showers together. He turns on the water get her pjs.I sleep in the other room because I toss and turn. He holds her hand.I walk behind them. Kisses her on the head softly 4 times. Touches her every time he goes past her. I just get the sex. Call him sexy when he gets dressed up. Lays on top of him on the lay back chair. He tell her for my ears only. I want you to stay in your bed tonight dads tied. Then tells her to come into bed 30 mins later when I have gone into the other room. He thinks this is OK. I think its sick. They act like boyfriend and girlfriend. Not dad and daughter. He has got her every second weekend. He sees her every second day.

    3. Leave. Sounds to me like he and his daughter are an Item. More than a father daughter relationship. If you are ok with it fine. Then do nothing. If you find that it bothers you and you want to find out if more is going on. Then go buy hidden cameras. Put them around the house out of site. Do not place these in the bathrooms or bedrooms. If you do. Do this at your own risk. It is an invasion of privacy. You can get in big trouble if one is found in private areas. Other wise any other room is safe.

  15. In our case the mother is a child therapist & during the divorce began sleeping with the oldest from 10 yrs to almost 13. Now that the oldest has been turned against her dad & his family she has begun sleeping with the youngest daughter who is now 11. Now the youngest is having sleep issues & gets up at all hrs of the night, sometimes refusing to go to slerp at all. It should be noted neither girl had problems prior to sleeping with their mom. It isn’t healthy &. Just another way to alienate them from their dad. PS: the mom has anger issues & was a spouse beater.

  16. My stepdaughter is going on 6.she comes on weekends still requesting to slept with her dad and I.sge states she’s afraid though she shares the bed with her sister in my son’s room where there’s 2 nightlight. To top it off my apt is railroad style,so it’s as if we all share a room.everytime it’s water work and begging. I strongly disagree on letting her.I think she’s to big and we won’t sleep well getting kicked by her all night.

  17. I was 10 years old when my mom Lolita Bronson from Fresno California that’s her name asked me to start sleeping with her my mom had just divorce my dad I suggest you don’t do it things start happening . It will be times when your mom thinks you’re asleep and she started masturbating and whether you realize it or not she is rubbing against you stuff like that happens my mom started to molest me I still actually attracted to her and I’m 50 now and I’m still sexually attracted to her

  18. My gf 9 year old son always wakes us up in the middle of the night as she goes in his room to sleep with him. Yes I do find it unusually unfortunately I can already see signs of anxiety for the kid maybe even insomnia. MY 9 year old daughter also sleeps at the house on the weekends and has no problem sleeping by herself and has never gotten up in the middle of the night. I know for a fact this is depriving the mother sleep which is NOT good at all

  19. my mom and dad still makes me sleep with them and I’m thirteen I keep hiding my erecting think.i tried my best explaining them still the want me to sleep with them.please somebody help

    please please please help help me

    1. Tell your parents you love them but you are growing up and need your space. Be assertive and consistent but not emotional. They need to get it. You’ll be OK. We were all screwed up by our parents and there us always therapy. But of course the earlier you set your boundaries the better off you will be. It’s too bad you have to be the grown up in this situation, it should be their job to set healthy boundaries but you have yourself and your life to think about so just do that. Best of luck.

  20. You people are sick. Like the article says. I understand if the child is having a nightmares or is physically sick. At a certain age enough is enough. I see most of you are women and you think it’s “ok” it my child and how dare you judge me. Stfu and stop thinking about yourself. It does mentally affect a child. I also have proof myself. A mother let her son sleep with her till the age of 13. Now the son cant sleep. At all unless its with his mom or another woman. Hes 19 now. He still has the same issue. He cannot sleep without a woman next to him. I know this is true because I lived there for years. And it made me sick. Listen women, if your lonely, buy a dog. Don’t damage your children. Create that separation in bed. It’s just weird and not normal.

    1. I agree!!!! I wish my boyfriend will stop letting his soon to be 9yr old sleep with him…I refuse to so I sleep on the couch while being 7months pregnant

  21. May be a bit of a late response, but I can’t help but notice a lack of input from those who have slept with their parents when they were “too old” to be doing so; so I decided to throw in my own piece. Also I’m sorry if this is a double post, it didnt seem as though the last one got posted.

    My dad was a single parent and had to raise me by himself. Sadly he wasnt always able to be at home when I was little. Until I was about 12 I would often sleep over with a friend of his when he was away for work. He didn’t want to me to be home alone during that time. My dad’s friend, was a really awesome and nice guy, as was his wife. They would let me sleep in the guest bedroom, we would play together, or occasionally go out to eat. When my dad was home though I would almost always sleep in bed with him, anytime he was around really I basically attached myself to his hip lol. I loved my dad, and cherished every bit of time I got to spend around him when he was off work.

    I’ve never had issues with responsibility, I had chores to do when I was little and made sure to do them, and do them well. I don’t have issues sleeping by myself at 22, but it is easier to sleep with someone there. But isn’t it always?? Lmao it’s a comfort thing, of course it’s easier to sleep when someone else is with you, we’re humans, and humans are pack animals.

    When I was 13 he got a different job and started working from home, we had a whole lot more time to spend together. I still always tried to sleep in bed with him, and occasionally he would me. Sometimes he would have a “friend over” or would just tell me I had to sleep in my own room because he needed some adult time. I left for uni when I was 17 and up until that time, sleeping in bed with him was very normal for me. We would cuddle up and watch tv, I would lay my head on his chest and dose off so quick. Even slept with him durring holidays when I had plenty of time away from uni.

    In no way would I ever consider my dad to have been abusive, but I do feel it is something people are very quick, and not to mention wrongfully, judge. I used to call him daddy when it’s just us, but I had to try hard not to though when other people are around because of the kind of looks I get. We were very close, and I absolutely adored my dad and am extremely grateful for everything he’s done for me and for all the time we got to spend together.

    I don’t feel hindered by the action, and I feel it just brought us closer. Only time I ever felt weird for it was when others would mock me simply for it being different then what they knew. Learned to keep it a secret from others growing up, still had sleep overs, or would go to others houses and slept fine in their rooms or on the couch.

    Hell if anything, if I were given the chance to do it again, not only would I; but i would have held him even tighter. I would have ignored the stares, would have disregarded the judgments. He was my daddy, and the time we had together will always be kept very close to heart. You shouldn’t pass judgment on others just because it’s different from what you did.

  22. My 9 year old daughter lives with her grandmother and her husband which is in no way related to her by blood and he was gone for most of her young life so now that he’s back my daughter has grown close to him it makes me uncomfortable she tells me that she loves when her grandma falls asleep on the couch and she gets to sleep with her grandpa for the night. I want to address this with her grandma I find it so inappropriate that a grown man would allow this. Of course I would never want to sexualize anything but I know how men CAN wake up (not always) and it creeps me out to think he’s waking up with my daughter. I even want to confront him myself and tell him can you please not sleep in the bed with her and make her go back to her room.

  23. One would assume that coupling sweeping argumentative statements with a smattering of recognisable industry bodies would suffice DeBora? To start sighting specific references would imply a level of due diligence the author was clearly not interested in pursing. And why would she? Her job with this piece was clearly to throw a cat amongst the pigeons and then move on the next quick easy target for thrills and pocket change. It says in her online bio she has her name attributed to ” thousands” of articles. One would assume she pumps them out on a plethora of topics for the joy of antidotal writing. Sighting actual specific references and then debating them in a literary review fashion would be … oh I don’t know …. responsible?

  24. My wife lets my eight year old step-son sleep with her. I get home from work late at night and have to remove him to his own bed at circa 2 AM every night. I feel my personal space is violated. My step-son resents me because when I am gone he gets his way; when I am home he feels I take his place. I also don’t think it is healthy to keep interrupting his sleep every night to move to his own bed.

    This topic at times becomes a heated argument between my wife and me. I feel she never had the patience to train him to sleep in his own bed. As long as I have known her she has had trouble telling her child “No” to anything, and any child will instinctively want the attention of both parents focused on him or her instead of each other. (I have seen this to vary depending on the personality of the child but it is generally true.)

    To make matters worse, when we have a disagreement she will move her son back into our bed knowing that it gets under my skin. This usually involves waking him up from his own bed to move him and also puts him right in the middle of the disagreement. Why should a child be made to wake up to a disagreement between adults and then find himself at the center of it?

    My wife will not compromise and will not set a deadline to move her son permanently into his own bed. When he was 4 I thought surely this can’t last much longer. Wrong.

    I have read a lot of information that is available in print and on the web regarding co-sleeping. Everyone has a different take but the commonality is most agree that whatever arrangement is made needs to include input form both parents and the best outcome will be determined by each unique situation.

    Our situation gets more complicated in that the child still shares parenting time with his father who has no good intentions for our family. I have read about legal problems in this area including criminal investigation. For this I will never sleep in the same bed as my step son and if necessary I will move to another room to sleep.

    This issue has almost ruined our marriage in the past and still might one day. What have I not yet considered to help resolve this issue? Should I allow is to break up my marriage and be better off alone?

  25. One other interesting piece of information that most experts on the topic miss is how the control or lack of control of children affects their disposition later in life. Jim Penman writes about this in his book Biohistory. He approaches the topic reasonably, not saying which is the best parenting strategy, and simply states the observed effects.

  26. I just recently found out that my 55 year old mother-in-law has been sharing her bed with her adult 20 year old daughter for the last month and a half and I am completely weirded out by it. She is always touchy feely with her daughters and many times it is uncomfortable for me to be around them because it gets overly romantic. My father-in-law broke his arm and is sleeping in a recliner in the living room since the amroundndccident roughly a month and a half ago and then four days ago we found out that my wife’s youngest sister was asked to abandon her own bed and bedroom and to sleep with her mother, which she was fully delighted to do. Its so weird to me that I will no longer allow my children to be over with them alone without my wife or I. But I really don’t know what to do, should I say something? I’ve know and have been uncomfortable with the level of their physically romantic like relationship and have nearly said something about it in the past, and now to find out they are, have been, and will continue to share a bed makes me really feel like someone should say something. I can’t really just block them out of my life, they are my wife’s family. My wife also thinks it’s gotten weird and too much and she doesn’t understand what’s going on in that household either. Any advice?

  27. I don’t know how it feels for the couple. But as a child it was very hurting for me to be asked to sleep alone when during those days i didn’t have mobile phone, laptop or too much of homework or friends to keep me busy. Do hell with your concept of let the child sleep alone, and all those psychological factors of child’s growth related to that. Why there needs to be a fixed age for that? Why not according to child’s comfort and needs make this happen? Just for the sake of couples’ needing a good time, pushing child for something he/she is not mentally and emotionally prepared for is lame excuse. If one can’t manage to respect a child’s emotion, no need of having a child. There is a difference in a child’s emotional need across different nations, because of the way of living, difference in technology adoption, and other differences. Parents should not impose a fixed age limit and fixed method of making child sleep alone. Let the child feel the need of freedom and space to sleep alone. It will help them grow better and feel the love and warmth.

  28. I am a single dad of two little 6 year old boys who are very energetic. They just turned 6. At times they have slept in my bed with clothes but they always ask me ahead of time. Last night was not one of those nights though when they asked me, so I was not prepared and I slept naked in my bed, but they both came to me anyways and said they had a nightmare . They saw I was naked, so they took their clothes off and climbed into bed with me and curled up with me and cuddled into my warm naked embrace and I could feel their warmth. They put their arms around me and their head on my chest and fell asleep. That’s all it was ofcourse. I felt a bit weird, but It also was amazing feeling my young boys warmth, both of them close to me,pressed to me. Before I do this again, I just wanted other people’s opinions? Both my boys are well adjusted kids.

    1. Would you do that if they were girls? I would think not! Or for them to sleep with their mom being naked..if you say no to these than there is your answer..

  29. Advice needed my soon to be x girl of 5 years sleeps with her son who is 27 she’s 47 I think it’s sick he even calls her mummy still when I stay there and were in bed sometimes naked now it’s fully clothed for me he just walks in the bedroom no knock or shout are you decent just walks in even sits on the bed whilst were in it if I go the loo when I get back he’s in bed with her I think it’s sick wrong they think it’s all fine and there’s nothing wrong with it what do you think HELP!!!

  30. Omg snuggle family wtf is wrong with you??? You’re the parents that’s your child… during normal awake times is when you show your child affection not during sleeping hours. You should not “snuggle” your child at that age while sleeping…that is the martial bed not the community sleeping grounds. Gross!!

  31. Hi! I’m from the Philippines. We have a small house. I’m already 22 and I still sleep with my mom, my dad, and my little 12 year old sister. I really need help on how I can change, but I can’t have my own room nor can I have my own bed.

  32. What are your thoughts on a mother who will not provide a bed for her 10 year old son. She has no job and lives with her parents. Plenty of bedrooms and beds. Either sleep with mom or on the floor kind of thing. Thoughts?

  33. I have a 49 year old boyfriend with a 17 yr old daughter who has the mentality of a 12 year old. I just learned they share the same bed him and I are intimate in. I have argued the issue with him and her and he feels until she has a bed at his house that it’s ok and apparently she’s been sleeping with him since he divorced.

    I told BOTH of them someone needs to sleep on the couch and when he told her to do it, she cried and came into his room anyway like a 2 year old. He allowed it.. again. I threatened to break up with him if this continues, he swears he will sleep on the couch which I believe he will but the whole idea of her wanting to sleep where we have sex is just wrong to me.

    I also told him to either set her room up and get her a bed or tell her she can visit on his weekends but cannot sleep over until she has her own bed.

    Is that asking too much?

    1. Would you do that if they were girls? I would think not! Or for them to sleep with their mom being naked..if you say no to these than there is your answer..

  34. My fiance has a 10 year old daughter she still sleeps with ever since you brought home from the hospital. She goes to bed at 10 at night and has been doing that for the Last 5 Years. She goes to her dad’s and sleeps on the couch she sleeps with my daughter who is 15 every other weekend this girl cannot sleep in her room by herself. My fiance thinks nothing of it. I have three boys and a girl all that I’ve never slept with only if they were sick or if they had a bad dream but they still went in their room until they fell asleep and I was right there. I think there’s a time and place for everything there’s a time for your children to go to bed in their own rooms and then there is a time where you and your significant other need your space together without the children being there and renewing that intimacy and bond. I’ve always been the type of father that has done one-on-one things with each of my children to have that time a nun interrupted conversations that. is the time for that not to be sleeping together in one bed that’s why they have houses with more than one bedroom. They will grow up and be fine..

  35. That isn’t asking too much. Your spot on Rita. That’s ridiculous for anyone other than you and him to be in that bed. Nevermind a kid who clearly needs some boundaries or she will never grow up. I’ve seen it so many times. Kids who sleep with parents in the same bed always have mental issues as they get older and they are very obviously messed up and usually just they get diagnosed with some learning disability, but it’s usually the parents fault this happens. Bad parenting and not letting kids grow up and coddling them more than necessary. I mean is it really necessary in the bedroom of all places, these people don’t actually care about the kids or they would never subject them to this passed a maximum of 1-2 years old. I will never agree with that kind of stuff. These parents need to stop thinking about what they want and instead think about what’s best for the kids and if they do the right thing early on enough the kid will never even want to do those things or be dependent on them in the first place it really effects their development. It really does have a huge impact on a kids mental health. One of two things happens when parents do this to their children, they either never grow up or if they do grow up the kid becomes scarred for life and spend the rest of their life wishing they never had to experience this behaviour from their parents… Kids need structure, discipline and boundaries or they stay kids well into their adulthood and usually their brains never fully develop right after this. And the sooner these things begin the better off the kids will be in the future. I believe this stuff should happen way before kids even become self aware.. it’s no wonder the world is so messed up.

    1. Wow! Samantha! where did you get your psychiatry degree? Cracker Jacks? Both my kids slept with my husband (their father) and me until both were ~8. Although I set up a room for each, I also put two king mattresses on the floor Of our bedroom and it was a free for all but with enough room to have our own space If the kids were sticking their feet in our backs. We had sex away from them without issue. My son and daughter are now 19 and 20. One decided to backpack for a year in Europe and is now attending Harvard. The other graduated college early, lives alone in NYC and is a successful financier. Neither has had or has “Mental problems” a learning disability or problems in relationships.

      People like you that rambles on with an air of knowing what will occur without actually knowing anything at all are toxic. Pls don’t act as if you know anything. You don’t. My kids have proved all of your statements wrong.

      1. If you having sex in the same room as your children, know matter the size of the beds or how deeply your children sleep; I believe that situation you chose to be as Cracker Jack as your belief of Samatha’s psychology degree. Why? Because it’s out of necessity? SMH 🤦‍♀️

  36. I’m up because my 11 year old son woke me up twice. I am tired. He comes and get in my husband’s and my bed if he wakes at night. He has my 13 year old nephew that recently moved in and sleeps on the bottom bunk, so at least he has company in his room now. Yet if he wakes up, here he comes. We have a German shepherd dog that we own. I told my hubby let the dog sleep in the room with him! Any suggestions? If he doesn’t wake up, he stays in his room!

  37. I have a friend (girl) that sleeps with her mother in bed and she is 35. To me this is weird. How can i explain to them that it is unhealthy

  38. What about a father spending the night at his 19 year old daughters house that lives the next city over? And share her bed to watch a movie?? This is NOT normal i say!!!!

  39. I have an 10 year old son who has his own room and sleeps on his own most of the time. He does not come into our room in the middle of the night. He sleeps just fine at friends and other families houses. When we go camping he sleeps in his own hammock or his own “room”if we use our tent. However, he does ask to sleep with me at home sometimes. And 9/10 I tell him I love him but he needs to sleep in his room. But once maybe twice a month he does sleep with me. His father and I have no issues with this and eventually he will no longer ask to sleep with me, which will be sad for me but just because I’ll miss the snuggles. We are a close family and as long as my son is comfortable, happy, and healthy then that is all I care about.

  40. To be honest 5 years old is the limit.. my son hadn’t sleeped in the same room as me or his father since he was 1 an a half… it is just wrong to let ur child sleep in the same room as u…

  41. It’s hard. My son is 7 now and starts in his own bed and almost always comes In ours in the middle
    Of the night. He had many medical
    Issues when He was born only to get under control by the age of about 3.5. So we co slept often so I could be aware of his status. Now is is better and Now we r feeling stuck. Doing our best to make changes. No one should be judging as they have not lived in anyone else’s shoes.

  42. I’m an 11 year old and I still sleep with a special stuffed animal and a special blanket but sometimes I can’t sleep so I go get in bed with my mom idk why I just can help it

  43. My 13 year old sleeps in my bed every night he’s at my house. He’s over 2-5 nights a week. He shares a room with his 16 year old brother but, he always wants to sleep in mine. When I ask why he doesn’t want to sleep in his bed, he just tells me mine is much more comfortable. I do feel guilty because, I’m not with my ex anymore and just think to myself that one day he’s not gonna want me around and I should take advantage of this time that he does. Insight please…

      1. So you’re co sleeping for selfish reasons. To use your kid for your own selfish reasons is disgusting. Don’t have kids if you are going to screw them up! Kids should never co sleep with their parents, it should be illegal. Kids grow up, there’s nothing you can do to slow down the process. Please don’t coddle and turn them into brats that aren’t independent. Then society has to deal with them after you thoroughly screw them up.

  44. I have a 7 year old son who I have been trying to get out of my bed for 4 years now. He is practically an only child because his siblings are grown and out of the house. My son never slept in his crib, was nursed, and now dreads sleeping by himself. He begs us every night to sleep with us saying He doesn’t like being alone. So 9/10 we cave and he hops right in the middle of mommy and daddy and he sleeps like a baby. The next day he wakes up just as normal and no one from the outside would even know he is a big baby. I purchased him not one but two beds ( one twin closer to our room and a queen for his bedroom) hoping it would help. It did for a while but seems like we are bk to sq 1 again.

  45. After swearing my child would not end up in my bed…he ended up there. He was diagnosed as a type-1 diabetic at age 3 yrs old. I was, and still am, terrified that he will die in his sleep. It took me until he was about 10 yrs old to get him in his own bed. I know this sounds creepy. But I wish it wasn’t weird to still have him sleep with me. At least when he was in my bed, I felt him breathing. I knew he was ok. I wake up scared every morning, afraid my son won’t be alive. I am not taking a side on this. I see both sides, especially because of my son’s health issues.

  46. I slept with my mother and father in different beds till up until I was 12. Preference mom. Made me have issues see I fell off the bed at very young age so I got smothered. Plus not her fault at all but mom lost a child before me so I was sheltered. Made me have homosexual tenancies. I believe it. And now I’m a Nudist so old lol. Great Question thx For It…

  47. My boyfriends 10 year old sone still sleeps with his mother every night at home and her husband sleeps in another room. When his son is with us, I have to sleep in another room so he can sleep with his dad. HE IS 10. Am I crazy for thinking this is way too immature? I think they are doing him a disservice. When we have him for the weekend we can’t even touch or hold hands in front of him. Sadly it makes me not really look forward to him coming because I know it’s hands of and separate sleeping for us. So weird in my opinion, but what can I say and not look like a btch?

  48. My girlfriend lets her son sleep in our bed all the time. I don’t mind him being in our bed, but I also do not think it is good for him or is helping matters between her and him. I saw him trying to nurse off of her yesterday morning and he is 7 years old. She complains every day that he is “up her butt” following her every where, wanting her attention 100 percent of the time, coming into the bathroom without even knocking on the door when she’s trying to get ready or when she’s in the shower or about to get in the shower . In public she has a difficult time talking to anyone because he will interrupt her conversation in the first 30 seconds if the conversation isn’t about him in some way. He will not give her a second to herself, which is true, he can not do anything by himself or entertain himself in any way when she is around. I’m not one to tell parents on how to raise their children but am unsure how to go about talking to her about Allowing the co sleeping and what effects it’s having on his and her relationship.

  49. A six year old girl sleeping in bed with grandparents not clothed? Just learned this and will not be allowing any more visits. Correct judgment call?

  50. I’m 17 and my parents just got divorced. My half sister came down from another state to live with my dad and the share a room/ bed permanently. She’s fifteen. The kiss on the lips for long periods of time and are touchy with each other. When me and my younger siblings are around it makes all of us uncomfortable. When we told the it was kind of weird that the share a room and bed they got mad. Is this a normal thing??

  51. Sleeping with your own kids is something advantage : Kids become open to talk about lots of personal staff/issues with parent hence they feel and see the love. Like bathing and being naked in front of them, it make them feel relaxed and free. As long as there is no sexual actions, no problem. Kids needs to know more about nature and human anatomy. So if parent are comfortable with being naked then kids will also follow suit and think positive about it. Is up to families how they whanna leave their live. For me is OK. I do it. My son 11 and daughter 15 and we all enjoy with my wife. As long as we are alone in the house, we just bath. And hope people will not judge. I can talk openly with my daughter about human reproduction organs without being ashamed.

    No offend.

  52. My daughter and sone in law have allowed my granddaughter to sleep with them since birth. She is now 10 yrs old and I see issues that are created by this. She doesn’t want to do anything unless mommy or daddy do/go with her, she doesn’t go to sleepovers, she isn’t very self confident or independent. As her grandmother, it is very hard to get her to come do things with me unless mommy is there.
    I also worry about her being teased by other kids if they find this out. I understand the snuggle time and creating great relationships but there does come a time when it is inappropriate. My daughter is going to have a tough time ending this with my granddaughter.

  53. My 10-year old son sleeps with us. It’s no big deal other than he gets the whole bed, and my husband and I are left to hang on to the edges when we sleep…and it’s a king size bed!!! He’s getting big. He actually has his own bedroom with a beautiful queen size bed in it. We have a 5 bedroom house, yet the three of us only sleep in one room. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son, and I love cuddling with him in the bed when we play Wordscape, or watch tv. It’s just that I think it’s time for him to get into his own bed. He sometimes says he wants to sleep in his own room. He’s even gone in there to sleep, but then ten minutes later he’s back in our bed. We’d never kick our son out of the bed. I just think he’ll go when he’s ready. We don’t mind him sleeping with us. I know one day he will be in his own room, so for now we’ll just enjoy these moments we have with him, even if it means we will have to cling to the edge of the bed. :). By the way, we have a great, loving family. I do believe part of our closeness comes from out close bonds.

  54. What all of you are doing is ruining your children for life. Once the child becomes a co sleeper after say 3 to 5 years old, they become dependent on the co sleeping parent and will only become emotionally and physically dependent on them. I speak from experience. I am engaged to a woman that lets her 10 year old son sleep with her regularly or if it’s windy or if it’s storming, because he is so scared. He is a nervous wreck because he lacks the capability of a toddler to self soothe. This has been a serious issue with my fiance and I. Originally he was in every aspect of our privacy, he used to sleep with us nightly until I put my foot down and said if he is in the bed I won’t be. he was even using our master bathroom when he and his 14 year old sister have their own, and the extra bathroom was always available. I understand he is only young once, but as his mother continues to coddle him, he is having anxiety about sleeping alone, refuses to sleep alone when his with his biological father, has problems remembering anything, and has social skill deficiencies at school, at home, and can’t go to a friends for the night because he can’t go to sleep without his mom. I have gotten her to stop letting him sleep in our room, so she goes in his room to sleep with him at least 2 nights a week. He was with his father this weekend and slept Friday through Sunday night with him, wanted to sleep with his mom on Monday night, but fell asleep in his own bed before she got in there. Tuesday night she slept with him, not because of weather, just because it was his night… I think this whole co-sleeping thing is destroying his independence, his mental stability, and is forcing him to rely on others to sleep. This is all wrong, and I am getting to the point that I am being the bad guy and having to tell the mom to let him grow up some. I refuse to let him live with us after high school. It’s either go away to college, or join the military… He will not be living and sleeping with his mother. That is and always will be un-natural.

  55. My son’s mother has been cosleeping with him since he was brought home. I worked odd retail hours, and at first thought I was being supportive of breastfeeding by sleeping in the guest room when I would get home late. Fast forward 7 1/2 years later, we’re divorced. He still cosleeps with her. When he comes to my house he now vomits at bed time, and in bed. The next day you can tell he is exhausted, and looks very nervous and panicky. To make matters worse, she has a boyfriend and I know they cosleep. What do I do? And before you say, yes my son is now seeing a therapist. His mother is his teacher at school this year too. I’m so distraught.

  56. My boyfriend still sleeps with his 22 year old daughter. If that’s not messed up, nothing ever will be. It’s going to end our relationship. That makes my skin crawl!! Get those kids out of your bed before they reach double digits!

  57. There’re millions of other kids out there without proper shelter, talk less of someone to give you that level of attention. I enjoy my sleep naked and won’t let no kid in this world take that away from me. They get my undivided attention from when they pop outta mom till about 1-2 years of age, and that’s that. You will sleep in your bed, in your own room little fella, even if there’s a monster in there. I won’t let weakminded spoilt brats of nowadays dictate how I live my life. 90% of such kids have devilish intentions already, as their plan is to see what mom and dad are doing all night. I’m that sort of parent, if a child trips on his/her own feet and starts crying, the look they get from me is enough to make them wish they never came into this world in the first place. You don’t go playing with your friends and come in crying when the neighbour’s own child is giving you hard times, no. What do you want me to do? Go out there and fight with my neighbour? If this current generation is to be wiped out, mine will go down fighting like not just a soldier, but like one who knows he must return home to raise and look after his own family. Showing love to your kids doesn’t mean putting your sex life and marriage at risk no!

  58. Sleeping with a teen or pretten child is simply selfish. You are hindering their development and making their life confusing. There are so many messed up kids today. Your job is to set boundaries. Would you let them shower with you as well

    1. How about the teens like me who are forced to sleep with their mother because of financial issues? Hm? I have no problem sleeping on my own, I actually enjoy to. I would love to have my own room. Also, I’m not messed up, I have straight A’s, before Coronavirus came to America, I worked as a receptionist at my orthodontists office, to help my mother pay the bills, and I’m not into any social media at all. That shower reference is so stupid it makes my brain hurt. My life isn’t confusing, your way of thinking is. I’m not usually nasty like this at all, I also hate to brag, but think of the teens, again like myself, who have no choice but to share a small bedroom with their mother, father, parents, whatever really. For more fortunate kids, I think bed-sharing, whatever you call it is fine, even if they have their own, wonderful room.

  59. My daughter, recently divorced, sleeps with her 9 year old son in her so comfy bed. He has a great bed but moms is better. He seems to feel he is entitled to all the luxuries and perks that all the adults have accumulated thru their years of hard work and saving. She has already lost custody of her older son for indulging and not disciplining him and is devastated. Now she is even worse with giving this younger child anything he wants. Help? I just stand by and my opinion is not taken. These children are basically raising themselves. The father is also one of those, let them make their own decisions as children? So hard to watch this permissive, spoiled behavior.

  60. ( WHAT ) does everyone thinks here of my ex wife sleeping with my son that is 11yrs old sleeping in the same bed in the nude both don’t wear cloths is this natural or is it consider child abuse? and what can be done

  61. My boyfriend seem to think that it is okay to sleep with his 9 year old daughter. This not only cause arguments between us but puts my 16 year old out of her room with no where to sleep. If I say anything then is mad. It is to the point that I am about to leave because of the arguing. She could not even enjoy her beach trip with her aunt because she didn’t have her Daddy in the bed with her. Am I the only one who see’s a problem with this?

  62. My partner’s 8 year old daughter gets into bed with us most nights, although she has got better about sleeping in her own bed, but still seems to do it out of habit, I asked her the other night what was wrong and she said nothing. I feel that learning to sleep alone is important otherwise how will she learn to self soothe and be resilient as an adult and not get into bad relationships out of fear of being alone?

    That said I do remember feeling lonely at night as a child but learned as an adult the importance of being self sufficient and that no person can fill that void, it has to come from within you.

    My mum and sister say that once she becomes a teen she won’t want to sleep with her dad and will find the idea icky. Does anyone else feel this is the case?

  63. These comments would be funny if they were not so damaging and simplistic. People speak of age yet people all have different stages and needs. How can one say 10 is bad but 9 is acceptable? What about 9.5? What about 11?

    The armchair psychologists speak as if they are experts in the human condition. Some here have even suggested that health issues are influenced by co-sleeping. Life is complicated, it is not black and white and it does not benefit anyone, most especially your child, to interpret life as such.

    My daughter is 10. She sleeps in the same room as my wife and I. We have a big bed, which the two of them sleep in, and a small one next to it that I sleep in due to health conditions. My wife and I are highly educated, and my daughter is headed in the same direction. She has her own room, yet uses it as a playroom. She is very clingy, and yes immature but I am more concerned about drugs, teen pregnancy, violence in the world than her calling me daddy, or her mother mommy, and liking to cuddle when we watch TV on the couch.

    To think throughout time and space people have existed, thrived, enjoyed life with differing styles and needs. To say yours is best and only reeks of simple thinking and capacity. To suggest that these behaviors have any correlation or relation to sexual health is insane, and unsupported in the majority of literature, but I’m sure these people know better because they once heard of a friend of theirs who had a daughter and had a child who developed cancer from sleeping with a teddy bear.

    If simplicity is what many of you need, here it is; stay in your lane. Understand that everything isn’t black and white, that different people have different needs, approaches, principals and ideals. Understand that soon enough, your child may not want to call you mommy, hug you, or talk to you. Btw some of the most important conversations come at bedtime, when the child is relaxed, and “getting things off their chest” and talking life out. Life is brutal but also beautiful. Your child will learn these things in their time, in their way, and hopefully, with the support of a loving parent or guardian to be there and provide wisdom and guidance.

    Did you know that it has been found that the most important factor in successful education for a child is the level of interest and care of the “teacher”? This is irrespective of education, environment, ideals. Facilitate, guide, assist, love.. but do not force your ways. It is a disservice to your child simply because you feel the better than others. Fact: you are not.

    1. These comments all humor me because hardly none are from the child so here’s my story- I’m 29 and my parents were always considered by others mine and my brothers “friend” and not “parent”. Lol. My brother and I slept in my parents room until probably 11 or 12. It was then natural for us to want privacy, so we BY CHOICE started sleeping on our own. I am now a nurse, graduated top of my class, and am so very thankful for the parents I had through my life. I was never once scared to talk to my parents about anything. This kept me from drugs, alcohol, and any other unhealthy venture a lot of the other kids in school were partaking in. My brother is 35. He owns a very successful business and cleared almost 2 million last year. And for a small Iowa city, that’s crazy. We had our heads screwed on straight from a very young age and only ever saw love. We never saw violence in our household. We were taught to communicate, not shut down or lash out or turn to drugs or alcohol for our inner issues. We spent a lot of time together as a family. We had dinner together at the table each and every night, no tv needed because at ALL AGES because we Genuinely enjoyed each others company. I know that’s hard for a lot of american families to understand these days but unless you know the damn facts keep your mouth shut. There was absolutely no abuse going on under our roof. Both my brother and I remain very close to my parents and thank God every day for the love we were taught and will continue to pass down to our children and hopefully they will do the same. The level of judgement from people on this topic is disgusting me; How easy it is for people to judge. Especially the spouse of a blended family. Ya, probably wouldn’t let a non blood child cosleep with me, not gunna lie, but how DARE you interfere with your spouses time with their child. I’m sorry but if I ever dated someone that tried to rob me of my time with my children I would kick that person to the curb so fast it’s not even funny. My children come FIRST. That’s what being a damn parent is about. If not, close your fricken legs. Make some time for each other without the children. Get your sexy time on then. Maybe set some boundaries of a few days a week you sleep together and night and kiddos are out. Idk, make some kind of arrangement but like hell you’re gunna take my precious time away from my child. It’s disgusting to me the judgement this topic encompasses a great majority of the time just because people jump to sexual or abuse or “developmentally disabled” reasoning. This is not always the case at all. People should be applauding some parents for showing their child a loving household instead of the violent one that so many households face these days. I feel sorry for the great majority of you that will never know the importance of bonding with your children and truly knowing what it’s like to put them first. Sure if they’re going through puberty and still cosleeping I can see this as an issue. I get that. But if the CHILD, not the parent, is still requesting to sleep with the parent and no issues are present what is the problem?! Literally lol @ people who will never know this type of bonding. I’m 30 years old and will still sleep with my mother, falling asleep holding her hand, if that’s what I or her damn well please. And my spouse of 15 years completely understands this. Soon enough that day will come when she’s no longer here for me to have these precious moments. And when I have my child I’m now pregnant with no one will EVER tell me I can’t hold them all night. I don’t give two shits how old or what gender they are. If they request it and no issues are present, they can sleep with mom and dad until they’re 20, 30, 80! Idgaf! The people who are against it are also the parents who “change the locks the day their kid turns 18” smdh. So sad to me. Dont have kids if you’re so quick to turn them away. Take it from someone who’s lived the cosleeping life all their childhood life and a majority of their adult one. Get off your high horse people! Uncultured swines. Why don’t you google other cultures with cosleeping and realize western culture is damn near the only one that seems to have an issue with it. The moment someone tries to rip me apart from my blood is the moment your ass is being kicked to the curb.

  64. These are all from the parent side, to heard from the child side, I say no don’t let them sleep with the parents after 5 years old. At this age I got curious as to why girls were different than boys and investigated. I would make excuses to sleep with mom or sis and wait till they were asleep before I would start checking things out. So, there you go, don’t do it, it is wrong.

  65. My niece is almost 50 and she shares a bed with her mother whom is about 67. Our family is innundated with enmeshment. My sister will not let her daughter ha e a close relationship with anyone especially me. My niece is an recovering alcoholic and i suspect is using drugs. My sister has a history of drug use as well. Infact, what ever my niece does, my sister does except the drinking. I can tell the personality difference in my niece when she is using and when shes not. I even heard her say she was going to take something before she washed my dogs for some extra money. My sister was with her of course. My niece is emotionally immature and my sister cant handle being alone. I suspect my sister keeps my niece on drugs to make sure she is always needed and my niece will never leave or be able to leave. Its really sad situation. The adult child is the sweetest and most loving person and so so smart. Her life is being stolen from her. So sad. She cant get a job either or hold a job ultimately because of her emotional immaturity and the controlling nature of her mom. The daughter misses a lot of work in past jobs always with the sick excuse. She cant get a job now and has never held a job for long. Its very hard to watch her be destroyed and hard to watch her be this way and her not be allowed to grow up.

  66. God damn there is a lot of rude Karen’s on these comments. You all think you know best, go worry about your own bedrooms

  67. I see i have the same thing as most of us here.. so.. i have two kids girl 10 and autistic boy 4. I got separated with their dad and i have a new man now, he has two boys of hes own, we have them every other weekend. Everything is perfect before bedtime.. when it gets dark the boy who is 8 wants to sleep with their dad, other boy who is 4 wants to sleep with me, I explained my side of view about sleeping together and i said that they are big boys already and i will not sleep with them because my own kids sleeps in their own bedrooms, from the other side that would be not fair on my kids as i dont sleep with them. So my partners boy whos 8 starts a huge drama and he gives up and sleep with them. Now, they dont sleep with their mom at home, but she did slept with kids before divorce (that she wouldn’t need to sleep with her husband) and once she moved out kids never slept with her and there was no issues. Now i feel like i have no place 🤷🏼‍♀️ Each time they are here i have to leave my own room, my partner feels anxious about it, and me too, but i really dont know what to do..

  68. I do not believe it is safe for a 10 year-old child or child to sleep with the parents. It’s not healthy. I know of a mother who’s husband and mother had lots of incest in their family and thought it was OK to have an affair with the mothers mother. So that would be the child’s grandmother. Her husband had sexual relations with his mother in law. When you cross that line, anything and everything can happen. The Bible speaks about a man sleeping with his mother and who was a church member. The church was told to exile the man. Look it up please. Incest is very prevalent these days and basically for centuries upon centuries. It destroys families and lives. Scars children for life. FYI, the mother has a strong suspicion that the husband molested his own children. She believes he’s a narcissistic psychopath just because of her dealings with him. Please protect the children. Please protect lives.

  69. My. brother and sister- in law adopted a baby boy 4 years ago. Mom sleeps with her son every night and has relegated to Dad to sons of youth bed in the child’s room. I think there is something very wrong about this. Dad goes along with it because he is afraid she will leave the marriage and take the child. I think this basically 24 hours of togetherness is a bit unhealthy for the child’s emotional and social development.

  70. For most of human history when humans were hunter-gatherers, families were sleeping shoulder-to-shoulder in close quarters. Somehow it wasn’t harmful to them.

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