Statistics show that money is the root cause of many divorces. Once the honeymoon phase is over, the practicalities of everyday life can create irreparable wear and tear on even the happiest marriages. Money problems, and the arguments they cause between couples, can ultimately sink the ship. If you’re drowning in debt, grab hold of the lifeboat before it’s too late.
In many cases, both partners bring debt into a marriage, which can have lasting, devastating effects. Starting your life together in the red adds stress to the already challenging transition of two individuals becoming a couple. If at all possible, ensure you’re debt-free before tying the knot. Furthermore, make sure your future spouse is in the same position. Meet with an accountant before your wedding day to review both of your finances and receive advice on the proper course of action if necessary.
If you’re already debt-free, be cautious not to rack up new debt by planning an extravagant wedding. The tradition of the bride’s parents footing the bill is fading. More often, engaged couples take full responsibility for their wedding costs. Unless you plan to elope, a wedding will cost several thousand, if not tens of thousands, of dollars. The excitement of the occasion may tempt you to use credit cards for various expenses, leading you into deep debt. Most people who’ve gone through the process of getting married will tell you that an expensive wedding wasn’t worth it. Be sensible and consider saving that money for a future home or even your honeymoon, rather than a pricey event that lasts only a few hours.
After the wedding, many couples feel the need to keep up with the Joneses. They think they automatically deserve the house, car, and possessions that their friends and family have. These materialistic items are often charged without a second thought, leading to deep debt. Soon, couples may realize that bankruptcy or selling their house and assets is the only way out of the hole they’ve dug. This can be a sad state of affairs for a young couple just starting their life together.
Another huge mistake is not starting a savings account. As they say, “pay yourself first.” This means that as soon as either of you receives a paycheck, you should immediately set aside some money for savings. A good rule of thumb is to have six months’ worth of expenses in the bank. Even if you have debt, it’s wise to have some money set aside for emergencies, such as job loss or illness, so you don’t have to reach for credit cards to cope. Accumulating more debt during a crisis can compound the difficulties you’re already facing. Having a rainy day fund is always smart.
Speaking of preparing for the future, consider whether you want to have children. Raising kids is expensive, from conception until their eighteenth birthday and often beyond. The joy of bringing a child into the world can be greatly diminished by the burden of debt. The stress of too many bills on top of parenting challenges can be overwhelming for many moms and dads. If you plan to have children, keep your distance from debt.
Sometimes, one or both spouses lack money management skills. Perhaps their parents never taught them about saving and avoiding credit card debt. If both partners struggle with finances, it can be difficult; but it’s even more devastating if only one is irresponsible. The responsible partner may develop resentment toward the other and may attempt to control their spending over time. Nothing tears a marriage apart faster than when partners start acting like parent and child. No one wants to be parented by their spouse, but often, the partner who manages money well will panic and try to keep the other in line. If this becomes a pattern, seek counseling.
Another troubling scenario is having to ask your parents or in-laws for a loan when finances get tight. Petitioning family for money can be humiliating and create tension in your marriage. This act brings a third party into your relationship, who may feel entitled to influence your financial decisions. Avoid asking your parents for money at all costs. Keep your financial issues between you and your spouse, and consider consulting an impartial third party who can help you reduce your debt.
And don’t forget to plan for retirement. It might seem premature if you’re young and newly married, but time flies, and before you know it, you’ll have an empty nest and no nest egg. Debt can prevent you from accumulating savings. Retirement should be a time of fun and relaxation, not stress over money. Get your act together so you can retire comfortably someday.
So, what should you do if debt is affecting your marriage? First and foremost, don’t let emotions take over. Use your brain to devise a plan to get out of debt. Research the advice of financial experts or hire an accountant to help you regain your financial footing. Seek counseling if money issues have caused tension in your marriage. Don’t let something like money cost you the love of your life.
