Since when did “Customer Service” land on the list of oxymorons alongside “Jumbo Shrimp” and “Military Intelligence”?
My Mini (which I adore, treat like my child, and have named Marvin) needed to go in for service. From what I understand and have learned, after receiving “Service,” one is sent the following message, complete with a short survey and a comment section to cover anything not included in the survey. You’re asked: “If your experience (or your MINI’s) was less than perfect, please let us know! We’d like the opportunity to show you what your service experience should be – each and every time you visit MINI Crowfoot. We’ll make sure you’re taken care of!” — Kevin Smith, Service Manager.
…My day went like this…
Note: Some names have been changed to protect the innocent, and some names have been left as-is to protect the public.
Well, Kevin,
Since you asked, let me tell you about my “Mini Experience,” because if nothing else, it most certainly was an “experience.”
Firstly, I was under the impression that Mr. Robert Jones was the Service Manager. Or are there two of you with the same title? Odd corporate structure, don’t you think? Perhaps Mini just hands out titles like Amway? My apologies if I’m starting this “experience” with a petty thought.
Nevertheless, allow me to share…
I cannot sing the praises of my first contact person, Mr. Pete Batler, enough. I believe that man has done more for me on ONE “Mini Visit” than ANYONE in the 25 years I’ve been doing business with both BMW and Mini (as well as my past three husbands, but that’s a different survey, so we won’t go down that path right now).
The center console of the GPS and computer system in my Mini Cooper S blew. By “blew,” I mean that my Bluetooth wouldn’t work, my stereo wouldn’t work, and my GPS was non-functional. Everything related to that center console was gone. It’s a $2500 part, plus labor, which is CLEARLY not made in China. (No offense to the hard workers in a Communist country working for The Man every night and day.)
In a five-year-old car with less than 50K on it, I question why something like that would “blow.” My answer was that “No one knows how long they last,” and I am the “first person to have the FULL GPS center console fail in a Mini Cooper S.” I find that both interesting and alarming. Had I known I was going to be a “test rabbit” for Mini, I would have asked for a check. Even in university, we received payments for taking small green pills and trying to put a square peg in a round hole.
That being said, it is disappointing that this VERY expensive “fix” isn’t covered by Mini—especially for a car that’s used so little and is less than five years old. I have socks older than five years that haven’t “blown.”
Shortly after leaving Mini, I got a call saying my car was close to “catastrophic engine failure,” and the fix would cost thousands. Wow… I really had NO words. I treat this car like it’s my child and am in shock. I reach for my Valium and take deep breaths. I’m then told that Mini will do what they can to “split the bill” with me. All in all, I’m looking at just under $5K for my portion… not chump change, and so much for that trip to Jamaica I was planning.
After nearly having a stroke at the estimated final bill, I received ANOTHER call (maybe I should activate call block from MINI for my own health and your safety?). I’m then told that Mini has “recognized” this “catastrophic engine failure” issue and is indeed willing to split the bill. I feel incredibly lucky but still wonder, “Where is the onus for this? Why is it falling on my shoulders? NO car should have this happen at five years in, and certainly NOT a 50K car that was SPECIAL ORDERED?”
So, I brace myself for the $5,000 in total that this will cost me. I stress, lose sleep, think about selling the car… I even consider leaving it unlocked with the keys and a six-pack of “BEER BEER” on the front seat in a seedy area of downtown. Oh yes… Mini, you’ve caused me GREAT angst.
So, I’m without my precious Marvin for weeks. Mr. Batler did prepare me for that, and he found me a “Nice BMW X1 ECO” as a loaner. That car is a menace on the road. I won’t go into the failings of BMW’s “Eco Design” FAIL. No time for that—THAT is for another email, another time. Clearly, we will be communicating frequently.
I have now resigned myself to the fact that this is going to be a $5K hit, but Mr. Batler has done everything he could for me. He’s certainly gone above and beyond what I would expect from ANYONE in the car business. I hate to break it to you, Kevin, but the car industry doesn’t have a great reputation. I know… this probably comes as a shock to you. It’s okay; you’ll be fine.
Then I got two voicemails from the ever-diligent Mr. Robert Jones, who is beside himself with excitement. Apparently, on MONDAY (the day before the scheduled return of my precious Marvin), there was a RECALL on all that EXACT issue and everything wrong with my precious Marvin… something about a timing chain and whizzy gadget… I dunno. Anyhow, that whole portion of my bill is gone and is now warrantied by Mini.
To say I was pleased is an understatement. I’m a little perplexed, however, as I was told only a week and a half prior that Mini was “aware of this problem” with the timing whatchamacallit thingy that was going to break my bank. Now, it’s all fairies, unicorns, and rainbows… it’s warrantied due to a recall!
Well, Hallelujah and praise all the angels! Or so Mr. Jones has projected through the voicemails. (I honestly think he should be the guy who delivers the checks for Ed McMahon when someone wins the Publisher’s Clearing House. He’s a REALLY happy guy. Really. Please do not break him of that.)
And again, I’m grateful I don’t have to shell out thousands to get my precious Marvin back. It completely made my day. Completely.
I am, however, still perplexed as to what changed Mini’s mind or what catastrophic event took place to get these parts/problems RECALLED. Did someone smash into a wall? Did a Mini explode (God forbid)? Or… does a Mini owner (somewhere in the world) have a photo of one of the higher-ups at Mini Europe in a Gimp Suit doing unmentionable things with a small marsupial?
Either way, it’s my “win.” I’ve learned NOT to question these things, as one never REALLY wants to know the answer. As I’ve warned you, Kevin, the car industry is a dirty business.
So, I arrive last night to an excited and happy Mr. Jones (who was just lovely with me). After reviewing my invoice, Mr. Jones removed a wheel alignment from my bill, as I never asked for it… who knew you could NEGOTIATE a mechanic’s invoice? Y’all took it upon yourselves to do an alignment, which, in my humble and girly opinion, should come with a “catastrophic engine failure,” since it just makes sense that the wheels would be wacky after an engine failure. But what do I know? I’m just a silly girl.
We did our little “walkabout” around Marvin, and he appeared “okay” for what we could see from the outside on a VERY blustery and rainy day.
Clearly, the drive-in bay is reserved for the BMW class. Us poor Mini owners who only pay $50K or less are not worthy of such acclaimed, coveted, dry, and warm property. Thanks for making me feel sooooo very special AFTER taking my $2500 (yes, that was the final tally).
So, I open the back hatch/trunk/boot (this is ALWAYS the first place I look after Marvin has been in for any kind of checkup). And lo and behold… AGAIN (I have yet to be let down on this), my boot looks like a rabid badger has ransacked my car.
Mr. Jones was none too impressed either, and I pointed out that I have NEVER… yes, NEVER EVER… had my car returned detailed or even with the boot put back together as it was, let alone cleaned of dust. Check the notes… I ALWAYS check the boot first. Fool me once…
Mr. Jones has indeed placed a note on my file that I am to receive a free detailing… yep… like THAT is ever going to happen.
Okay… just wait, Kevin… it gets better. I then open the front doors, and the dash is covered in “mechanic dust” so thick I could write my name in it.
But… the ABSOLUTE capper… while driving home, I actually had to take off my t-shirt and wipe down the inside of my windshield so I could SEE. Yep, the BRAND NEW WINDSHIELD I HAD JUST PAID A THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR was sooooo dirty, I couldn’t see through it.
So, imagine… there I am, on one of the busiest, traffic-jammed roads in the city, during rush hour, doing a max of 11 km/hr, driving in just my Victoria’s Secret Bra while I wipe the inside of my windshield with my brand new t-shirt.
This was quite the show for a couple of very classy guys in a HUGE 4×4 truck with a set of swinging chromed testicles hanging from the trailer hitch. The upside is that they did offer to buy me a drink, but, given I’m on my fourth husband, I politely but graciously declined. Sweet of them to offer, though… clearly, they could see I wasn’t having a great day.
Perhaps I just have very high expectations, but I really would think that a brand-new windshield, which is made of GLASS (last time I checked), would be transparent, not opaque. Again, Mini has proven my eight years of university to be completely irrelevant.
So, Kev (may I call you Kev? I feel like we’re friends now)… this has not, nor has it EVER been, a “Perfect Mini Experience.” But you see, I’m savvy… I DO indeed understand how “The Customer Satisfaction Survey” gig goes… 10s across the board, and you all get a nice “pat on the back.” So, I do my part as a good human and a grateful one on behalf of that AMAZING man, Mr. Peter Batler. I have, and always will, give 10s because I’m a good person.
The ONLY thing I’ve ever asked in return is that you treat ME like a “10.”
While Mr. Batler has certainly fulfilled that end of the bargain, no one in the underground mystical maze of Mini has, and I am now at the point where I just keep my expectations LOW, thus, I’m never ever disappointed. Gotta keep “The Glass Half FULL” attitude in my world.
That being said, Mini has singlehandedly made the term “Customer Service” a top contender for the “Top 10 Oxymoron List.” Stay strong, be proud of your accomplishments.
As it stands… Kevin, you owe me one t-shirt, and I shop at Nordstrom.
