There is a lovely quote that is credited to Marilyn Monroe that is actually quite insightful coming from a ditsy blonde bombshell. At some point in her career, she said, “Sometimes, good things fall apart so GREAT things can come together!” Often, when it comes to divorce and the end of relationships in general, people don’t always see it as a good thing. Most see it as a bad, negative thing that marks an ending. So it is important to remember that with every ending, comes another beginning.
Divorce really can be a good thing. It can give you a rebirth in life – it can end a painful situation, it can force you to take a good, deep and hard look at your life and stand all to make firm decisions that are based upon your own happiness rather than someone else’s. It’s also a great time to sit back and reflect on the mistakes you’ve made and the things you’ve learned so that you can pick and choose what you want to move forward with. Even if the divorce was not your choosing – or something that you were motioning against, the eventual outcome that comes once the pain has been digested and the grief has been served its due process – can be transformational and empowering.
You might not be in that place yet. You might still be reeling from the shock of the situation, or the intense emotions that come when life throws you a sliding curve ball. And that too is okay. Give yourself the time and space you need to grow and heal. You should also be reminded that God never gives you things that you can’t handle. This my friend, is one of those things. Learning to be self reliant, to see yourself as a whole rather than half of a whole is a beautiful thing and you may be able to realize and seek bigger dreams than you ever imagined.
Of course, if you need some reminders of times when divorce really can be a good thing, read one! Some of these reasons may ring true for you, some may make you laugh, and others may make you cry.
Divorce Can be a Good Thing When:
- You haven’t had sex in over a year. (Or more) Sex is wonderful, exciting and lots of fun and you have been missing out. More than half of all married couples experience extended periods of times that are sexless, which is sort of ridiculous if you ask me. You don’t have to like your partner to enjoy having sex with them. But now, you CAN seek and enjoy sex again – just for the sake of sex. (Try not to get too crazy with it) You’ll likely wonder why the heck you have waited so long when you have that first orgasm after a year or two without one.
- If you ex was a spender, then you will be able to save a ton of money. Okay, so divorce can be expensive too – but it doesn’t have to be. And at least now, you know that your hard-earned money isn’t going for an umpteenth pair of shoes or a set of new pipes for a rusty old Harley. You get to be in charge of where your money is spent.
- The end of the stupid, nagging yet frustrating arguments such as leaving the toilet seat up, leaving dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, messing up the sink with make-up or using one another’s razors are officially O.V.E.R. You become the master of your domain and can do anything damn thing you want without worrying about it causing some sort of passive aggressive War of the Roses.
- Remember your ex’s family member or friend that you HATE! Now you can tell him or her what you really feel. (if you haven’t already) Oh, and those crazy family members that make you wonder what kind of family your ex was raised in….no more Christmases spent watching them drink too much eggnog and remove their clothing.
- You can go and do however you please whenever you please. Even if you didn’t have to ask permission before, now you have total freedom to explore the world again without feeling the need to call someone or let them in on your plans.
- Married to someone who snores? Or who steals the covers? Ha….reclaim your good nights sleep.
- If you have felt like you had no control over the television for the duration of your marriage – now is your time to see what you have been missing. You can watch anything you want on the boob tube now – or nothing at all if you so choose. And, you can stay up as late as you want or go to bed as early as you want to!
- No one can laugh at you for having a dream. And no one can influence you to not follow your dream. Couples don’t normally do this on purpose….but it often happens.
- You might be a better parent if you have children. Many couples find that they can parent their children more happily when they aren’t swallowed whole by irritating relationship issues.
- Now, it won’t matter if HE (or she) forgets an anniversary or birthday!
- If you were in an abusive relationship, then divorce is a savior. Now you must simply take the lessons learned and move forward.
Of course, there are hundreds of other reasons, big and small – that can actually make divorce a good thing in your life. But mostly it’s up to you. If you perceive the divorce as the end of the world, it’s going to feel that way. If you perceive it as an end, it will be. And if you have the courage to see it as the beginning of something new, as a fresh chance in life – then that’s how your divorce will be! Choose your thoughts wisely.
Obviously this is written by a woman who is clueless about the concept of comittment in a marriage. The BS on the internet that suggests anything good about a D (exception is physical abuse of any kind or serious emotional abuse) is pure BS posted by people who are selfish and self-centered in such a way that all the pain they cause by iniitating and going thru with a D is justiifed so they can be happy. BS
you don’t know any thing david about married life so please don’t judge until u had the experience.
Sara, I gave been married 30 years. Have 4 kids and up until last July a good marriage. W dropped B on me saying she had no feelings for me, did not love me and wanted a D. A yr and half earlier…discovered she had a 2 yr affair with the next door neighbor….for which I forgave her and was working to restore our marriage…then she dropped the B. I have worked the past 11 mos to try and save our marriage. The W has done nothing except treat me poorly or without kindness/love. I treat her with kindness and love. She says she is now at peace with her decision. Really? At peace with a decision that has caused pain to her, me, our kids, our families and friends? Divorce is selfish!
Dave, U r hurt, but, she doesnt love u anymore. get over it! move on & be happy. Make new friends, buy a motorcycle, take a vacation and then get back to being super Dad!
Sincerely, married w/ child and soon to be divorcing.
ps -i actually thought that the article was written from a male perspective…..
I cheated on my wife. I want her to see me for the person that I have become and not the person I was. She tells me that she is going to cheat on me and I am not going to know it. Should I leave her or try to work it out?
I’m not sure cheating on your wife to get her attention was such a good idea. Though I could be wrong, here evening the score might be the only way she can cope with the affair.