Pregnant for nine-ish months, followed by labor, delivery, and healing. After all this, and now taking care of a baby, you may feel anxious and eager to heat things back up in the bedroom. One of the most common questions for couples today is, “When is it safe to have sex after pregnancy?” Other women may be conflicted and worried because, post-baby, their libido seems to have disappeared altogether. Let’s help set the record straight. Above all, however, it is important to follow your caregiver’s instructions about having sex after childbirth, as your individual situation may require special attention.
As a general rule, healthcare professionals encourage women to wait 4 weeks after having a baby before resuming sex. Again, this depends on your individual birth experience. For instance, if you have had a C-section, or had a vaginal birth that required stitches, many practitioners advise waiting until the 6th week mark, and until after you’ve had a postnatal check-up.
For routine vaginal births, it is recommended to wait at least 2 weeks. If you are still bleeding or experiencing pain, you should wait until these after-birth effects cease to minimize your risks of bacterial or uterine infections, which can cause severe problems. Additionally, if you had an episiotomy or stitches, you should wait until that area is completely healed. Not only will sex be painful, but you risk opening up stitches, causing an elongated healing time.
Understanding Low Libido and Healing
Some doctors will tell you that you can have sex as soon as you feel ready. Their advice is to take it slow and listen to your body. If something doesn’t feel right, causes pain, cramping, or bleeding, your best bet is to give your body more time to heal.
Since low libido is one of the most common side effects post-delivery, it may be completely normal that you aren’t really in the mood for sex again. This can be compounded by the worry about how soon you could become pregnant. While most doctors suggest that breastfeeding prevents pregnancy, this is simply not true. As soon as you ovulate again, which could be as soon as 4 weeks after childbirth, the chance of pregnancy exists. Concerns about getting pregnant can contribute to your low libido, so this is a great time to talk to your healthcare professional about safe birth control methods if you’re breastfeeding.
Low libido post-pregnancy is often attributed to hormonal changes. After birth, your hormones are usually out of balance as your body tries to produce milk and shrink your uterus back to its pre-baby size. This can also cause vaginal dryness, which makes sex painful and uncomfortable, especially if you had perineal tearing or the stretching of vaginal walls.
Another factor affecting libido is your self-confidence. If you feel less than sexy after giving birth, you’re not alone. You may still be holding onto some baby weight, retaining fluids, or learning to love the new you, which might include stretch marks and mid-section weight gain. While this is a personal issue, chances are your partner doesn’t see you as unattractive. In fact, many men are more attracted to their partners after childbirth than they were before. Of course, some men who went through the birthing process with their partners may feel a little ‘freaked out’ about resuming sexual relations and may also be worrying about impregnating their partners too soon after childbirth.
Postpartum depression, which experts believe affects around 60% of women post-natally, can also contribute to a lowered libido. As mentioned earlier, this is often due to hormonal changes, the stress of having a new baby to care for, and all the changes occurring in your life at once.
Some women (and men) worry that their vagina will be stretched out after childbirth and that sex may not feel as good to them or their partners. Of course, this embarrassing question is Googled more than discussed at the doctor’s office, so let’s set the record straight. Yes, your vagina will be larger after a vaginal birth. While it may never return to its pre-birth size, you can begin doing Kegel exercises to help re-strengthen the vaginal muscles. Ask your physician when it is safe to resume doing Kegel exercises, and try to do them daily. Just like any muscle, your vagina will bounce back and recover with some simple exercises.
The most important thing is to be true to your feelings and desires. If you are interested in kickstarting your sex life, do so only after talking with your doctor. If you don’t feel quite ready for sex, start with simple intimacy and focus on reconnecting with your partner in your new roles as parents. Chances are, as hormones settle down and your body begins to return to some semblance of normal, your libido will return. Sometimes, jumping back into the saddle of sexuality simply requires time and patience on both your part and your partner’s.
