When is the Best Time to Have Children

Baby in brown blankets and hat

The people of the world can largely be divided into two groups: the planners and the non-planners. While many of us like to think we’re planners—always ready for what comes next and gently steering our boats through life—very few truly are. In fact, life often happens when we stop planning and embrace the thrills of adventure that come with uncertainty and spontaneity. However, when it comes to having children, many people try to plan, research, and decipher the signs to determine the best time to start a family. Sometimes it works, and other times it doesn’t.

The challenge with deciding when to have children involves several unknown factors. The first is fertility. Should you wait and risk the vitality of egg and sperm that typically accompany youth? Are you prepared for the risks associated with pregnancy as you get older? Not to mention that raising children requires a lot of time and energy—both of which tend to wane as we age. Is it better for children to grow up with young parents or with those who might be tapping into social security before their kids reach college? What about your career—should you pursue it right out of college or wait until you’ve raised your brood to rediscover your professional dreams? Suffice it to say, planning only goes so far.

When is the right time to have children? Perhaps the best way to decide is to weigh the pros and cons of having them now versus waiting a couple of years. Remember, however, that the future—whether you have children or not—remains a great unknown, and the best-laid plans often don’t work out.

Having Children Young: Pros & Cons

There are definitely advantages to having children young. For one, you’ll have more energy to coach their ball teams and play in the yard. You’ll remember what it was like to be a kid, because not long ago, you were one. Now, this isn’t to say you should have children at 18. However, waiting until your mid-20s allows you plenty of time to experience life, including dating, which can help clarify what you want. Most people in their mid-20s also have a regular income and are beginning to see how right their parents were about many things. Yet, you’re still full of that hopeful optimism that suggests you’re invincible.

Another benefit of having children young is that you’re generally more fertile in your 20s than in your 40s. This is true for both men and women. There are also significantly fewer risks associated with pregnancy in your early to mid-20s or 30s compared to reaching the big 4-0! Many of these risks involve fetal abnormalities, which increase your chances of having a child with a disability. Plus, if you encounter fertility issues, they will likely be milder and more easily addressed.

Having children young also means that by the time they reach college and you experience empty nest syndrome, you’ll still have time to pursue your own dreams. You might even enjoy your grandchildren, correcting any child-rearing mistakes by doing right by them. You’ll likely still be working, more financially secure, and have ample time to contribute to your retirement accounts. Moreover, you’ll have a wealth of life experience to draw from. Sure, you might be 80 before you get promoted to company VP, but your work life can still be fulfilling.

So, what are the cons of having children young? Many younger, newly married couples are idealistic and naive. They often haven’t fully figured out marriage before jumping into parenting, leading to twice as much turmoil and double the costs. Suddenly, you can’t just leave your spouse when they drive you crazy without breaking your children’s hearts. Additionally, this naivety can lead to living paycheck to paycheck without a clear understanding of the true costs of raising children. You won’t be the first couple struggling financially because you decided to start a family.

Having Children Older

On the flip side, if you choose to wait, you may find that you and your spouse have worked through those silly idiosyncrasies that can make couples incompatible. This often results in better, more supportive parenting, as you’ll understand the importance of prioritizing each other. Additionally, you’re likely to have more financial stability, be further along in your career, have a clearer idea of what matters in life, and have enough savings to weather a rainy day. You’ll also be more mature and ready to embrace the life that children will bring you. In other words, you’ll have lived and learned, and you’ll recognize the importance of family, making it less likely that you’ll take it for granted.

The cons of waiting mostly revolve around unknown factors. As you age, your fertility declines. If you wait too long, you may face challenges conceiving that are not easily reversed. Statistics show that couples who wait until they are older to have children often end up with only one child, meaning your child won’t have the benefit of siblings as they grow older. Additionally, your children may not be able to share their grandchildren with you, depending on how long you wait, and you might face the reality of needing care or losing your life far earlier in their own.

The reality is this: while it sounds great to plan for when to have children, it’s also wise to research the facts surrounding the best timing. But that’s as far as it goes. You need to embrace living for today and allow a bit of the non-planner in you to guide your parenting journey. Overthinking the decision to bring life into this world can make it feel daunting and selfish. You can also become so fixed on a certain lifestyle or method of living that you leave no room for children. If you know you want children but are unsure when to have them, allow yourself some flexibility, recognizing that the future’s uncertainties can completely reshape your dreams. In most families, children arrive at just the right time—planned or not. Just when you think you don’t need or want them, you hear those two little words that will change your life forever: “I’m pregnant!” Welcome it.

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