One of the worst preconceived notions about motherhood is that it is always good. It’s not. In fact, anyone who is surrounded by children for more than a few hours at a time—who is responsible for feeding them, changing them, answering their every whim, dealing with arguments, tempers, and the constant emotional breakdowns of people under four feet tall—knows that there comes a time when mom needs a timeout too! Sadly, far too many mothers, who are on the brink of losing it and no longer know how to talk to another adult without using that high-pitched baby voice, don’t take enough time for themselves. They feel guilty just thinking about getting in their minivan and driving away—alone. Anywhere. Anywhere but home, at least.
It’s Okay to Take Time for Yourself
News flash! You ARE NORMAL! You aren’t a bad mother because you are severely tired of playing house, doctor, Barbies, or Super Ninja Turtles. You aren’t a bad mom because you don’t feel like building yet another block tower. You aren’t a bad mom because you want to read People Magazine rather than If You Give a Pig a Pancake (for the 55th time today). In fact, if you were able to constantly meet the needs of your brood without ever tiring or desiring something ‘adult,’ there would be something wrong with you. After all, that’s what makes you a grandma… not a mom!
Every parenting expert in the world will tell you that mom needs a timeout too! It’s common knowledge that if you can’t take care of yourself properly, you won’t be able to care for your kids in the most compassionate way possible. Getting your own personal timeouts is critical to your sanity!
Additionally, there comes a point in your child’s life when they need to realize that mom is a person and not the Energizer Bunny. If you raise your children by meeting their every need at all moments while constantly neglecting yourself, the ramifications are fierce. Not only will you pass this expectation of helicopter parenting on to your children, who will then suffer from self-neglect when they become parents, but you will also fail to teach your children that you are important too. How can your children respect you as their mother if you don’t take the time to respect yourself?
There is nothing wrong with mom needing or wanting something separate from her children. In fact, these little ‘somethings’—like an afternoon manicure or a weekly massage—help recharge your inner batteries so you can give more. Not to mention, they help reduce stress. When your stress levels are lower, you are more likely to be patient, less likely to yell or scream, and have more physical and mental energy to enjoy your quality time with your children—not just get through the day with them.
And experts suggest that mommy timeouts are good for marriages too, especially in homes where mom stays home with the kids. Not only does a mommy timeout allow dad to show off his parenting skills, but it also helps children function with the duality of trusting both parents. Often, in stay-at-home parent households, kids become so reliant on one parent that they think they can’t function without them. This dependency leads to a vicious cycle, where mom is afraid to leave, and dad feels uneasy about being alone with the kids. Getting out as often as possible is really a good thing. Whether it’s your evening run every day or grocery shopping by yourself (and why wouldn’t you?), these timeouts are great for everyone involved.
You might also overlook the fact that your children tire of YOU! Believe it or not, you might not be as exciting or fun to be around as you think—especially if you’re burning the maternal candle at both ends. You’re likely fidgety, annoyed, easily aggravated, and a bit grumpy (children can do that to you!).
The perfect timeout for you is anything you enjoy. Regardless of how busy you are, you must pencil yourself into the family schedule. You might enjoy going out with friends or prefer something simpler, like going to the gym. If you have a hobby or passion in life, don’t put it on hold when the kids are little—lest you feel resentful. Instead, mold your mommy timeout around the things that make you feel good—not about being a mother, but about being a woman!
Another hint: during the daytime, if you feel your blood pressure rising and need an escape, do so at home. There is NOTHING wrong with telling the kids it’s naptime and that they need to lie in their beds for one hour, whether they go to sleep or not. During this time, you can retreat to your room, do some yoga, watch a soap opera in peace, or anything that doesn’t involve taking care of the kids. Plus, setting limits with your children and teaching them to busy themselves alone are great life lessons. Start this routine early in life, and your kids will likely enjoy their own timeouts from a grumpy mom!
Listen, parenting is NOT easy. Moms today have so many high expectations of themselves and have bought into the fairy tale that once you become a mother, you’ll want nothing more than to dote on and take care of your children! Not so! Being a mother doesn’t make you whole—being happy does!
