There are many different theories and opinions about when you should tell people that you’re expecting. For many people, the rule of thumb is to wait until you have passed the first trimester to share the happy news that you are having a baby. A pregnancy past the 12-week mark normally signifies that the baby is healthy, and the risk of a miscarriage drops dramatically once you cross the threshold into the second trimester. Plus, since most women may have early symptoms of pregnancy, such as morning sickness or nausea, but aren’t exactly showing, they can keep their pregnancy a secret if they choose to. For those who don’t want to share the news with others, it can be kind of fun to have a secret that is shared only between you and your significant other. This gives you time to digest the news yourself and make some decisions about your future!
Others, however, can hardly allow the pregnancy test to show a positive result before calling everyone they know and sharing that they are pregnant. After all, there is no such thing as being ‘a little bit pregnant.’ You either are, or you aren’t. And if something were to go wrong with the pregnancy, many women feel that they would want and need the comfort and support of friends and family to help them through it.
The good news is that there is no right or wrong answer about when to share your pregnancy. Sharing your pregnancy with the world is a personal decision. Sharing the news right away in no way predisposes you to having a miscarriage. Whatever will be, will be, regardless of whether you keep the pregnancy a secret or share it on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.
When to Share the News
That being said, it’s important to take into consideration who you are telling and your personal circumstances before you share the news with others.
After all, the last thing you want is for your parents to find out you are pregnant through a mutual friend rather than from you, leaving them feeling like they were the last ones on the planet to hear the news. Additionally, if you are just dating someone and are not in a long-term commitment, or are pregnant as a result of a one-night stand, telling the world you are pregnant is not likely to be expected news. And you never quite know how the people in your life circle are going to react. No matter how much they love you, chances are they will have opinions of their own and may not be very accepting of the pregnancy at first. In situations like these, where other people tend to be judgmental and often harsh, you must first ensure that you have wrapped your mind around the pregnancy and have had time to deal with your own emotions before inviting the feelings and opinions of others. Perhaps sharing the news with a close friend first, rather than going straight to your parents or family members, is the best rule of thumb. Plus, as mentioned above, you won’t likely be showing any time soon, so there’s nothing wrong with keeping the news to yourself for a while if that’s what you choose.
If you have been trying to conceive for a while, and have been open with the people in your life that a baby is in your future, chances are your inner circle of friends and family will be expecting and welcoming the news. For many people who have difficulty conceiving or who have been undergoing fertility treatments, the news of a pregnancy is a much-anticipated and exciting moment that you will likely want to share as soon as you know. Trying to conceive is an emotionally grueling process, and most often the people in your life will be thrilled to find out you’re pregnant. However, for many women who are trying to conceive, the risk of miscarriage in the first trimester is high, and it may be difficult to share the news until you feel confident that the pregnancy is viable. This is also true for women who have miscarried in the past. You may have shared the news with everyone only to have to go back later and tell them that you had a miscarriage. This can be a very painful and sometimes drawn-out process that you may want to avoid the next time around.
One word of advice, however, is to refrain from telling your employer that you’re pregnant until you’ve passed the first trimester. In fact, you may want to keep the news to yourself in front of your boss and co-workers for as long as possible. Despite laws in place to protect women from workplace discrimination due to pregnancy, some employers will still view your pregnancy as a potential inconvenience. They may worry that a pregnancy will cause disruption to the business as usual flow, or even look to replace you, especially if they find out you are having a baby.
The truth is, whether you are single, married for 8 years with 4 kids already, trying to conceive, 18 years old, or 43 years old, you never quite know how other people are going to react to your pregnancy. Family members tend to be the most judgmental, not because they don’t love you, but because they may fear that you’re making a bad decision or aren’t ready for a baby (or perhaps have too many already!). But let’s be honest: your pregnancy is part of you, and people who love you will eventually need to extend the love they have for you to your baby as well. It may take others time to come to this conclusion, so you shouldn’t put too much emphasis on what others think. What matters is how you feel. This is also true when it comes to deciding who you tell and when to spill the news that a baby is on the horizon. Remember, this is your personal business, and it doesn’t really matter what other people think. What matters is that you are doing what’s right for you at the time.
