The luxury of deciding when to have a second child is not one that every couple has. Truth be told, it’s quite common for married couples to be caught off guard by an unexpected pregnancy, which robs them of the opportunity to sit down and thoughtfully weigh the pros and cons of expanding their family. For many reasons, however, this can be a blessing—relieving you and your spouse of the pressure to make such a monumental decision.
When it comes to deciding how many children to have and when to have them, too much time to think it over and plan can make the idea of having more children seem somehow irresponsible. You have to consider the state of the economy, the cost of college, the size of your home, the availability of car seat space in your vehicle, and the cost of daycare—not to mention how adding another child will further divide your time. For many couples, the decision to have another child often causes guilt, as they feel they may be taking something away from the child they already have. However, in the end, adding a sibling to your family is definitely worth the emotional and financial cost.
Statistics from the latest U.S. Census Bureau indicate that population growth in the United States is beginning to level off. The average family now has between 1.8 and 2.3 children per household—essentially, two. In Canada, this number is similar, although there are more one-child households than in the U.S. Globally, the numbers vary: in South America, many families have 3 or more children, while former Soviet Union countries have an average of one child per household. Still, even though there are many reasons not to bring more children into the world, human nature compels us to procreate. As parents, it’s difficult to imagine your child growing up without siblings or extended family later in life. Perhaps this feeling, above all, is the driving force behind the decision to add at least a second child to your family.
So, When Is the Best Time to Have a Second Child?
Everyone has a different opinion on when is the best time to have a second child. However, most people seem to agree that having your children close together is ideal. In a perfect world, “close together” would mean at least 3 years apart. This allows you to spend all your time and attention on your firstborn, indulging in every milestone moment with little else to worry about besides the baby at hand. Plus, it’s easier to handle just one baby at a time, which reduces stress on both you and your marriage, and enables you to fully enjoy becoming a parent. Then, when your firstborn is ready for school, no longer needs to be carried everywhere, and can do many things independently, you’ll be able to focus just as much on the second baby as you did with the first. There are other benefits to having children around 3-4 years apart as well:
- You can reuse most of the baby equipment. (If you plan on having two children, avoid buying baby items that are strictly gender-themed to save money.)
- You’re still accustomed to the demands of having a baby. Waiting until your firstborn is 10 or older can make it more difficult to readjust to life with an infant.
- Your children will be closer in age, which can help them bond more easily.
- Your children can more easily share rooms if space is limited. Asking a 12-year-old and a baby to share a room is often impractical.
- Waiting until your firstborn starts school to have another child gives you one-on-one time with your new baby, without feeling guilty.
- If you plan to stay home with your children, having them closer together lets you return to work sooner, which can help with earning more money and saving for college.
- You won’t need to take two trips to Disney World
- You’ll be younger when both children graduate from high school, which has many benefits.
- Your children will always have someone close to them. Siblings born close together often form lifelong best-friend relationships. (This is especially true when they are adults.)
Of course, many people intentionally have their children extremely close together. This can also have its advantages. Not only do you get all the baby stages out of the way at once, but your children will likely share many of the same interests and milestones in life. Initially, having two babies at once can be challenging, but as they grow, it can make life easier. On the flip side, having two children so close together means you miss out on the chance to fully enjoy the precious moments of your first child’s babyhood. It can be stressful to manage two very young children at once—just ask any mother of twins.
Waiting a decade or so between children is very much like starting over. While you may find yourself more patient, settled, and appreciative of the first years, it can be a difficult adjustment. Dragging out the crib from the attic and losing the independence that comes with raising older children can feel like a huge trade-off. You may not regret the decision, but you’ll realize just how far you’ve come, only to take 10 steps backward.
The right time to have a second child is different for everyone. Sometimes it happens exactly when you plan, while other times, the second child arrives at the most inopportune moment. Either way, you adjust—and eventually, you realize that you couldn’t imagine your life any other way.
