You finally get the job of your dreams, manage a few promotions, and then suddenly, you’re late! Not for work, but the kind of late that makes your heart race! You head off to the drugstore, only to discover a few minutes later that your recent bouts of fatigue aren’t due to working too hard, but because you are pregnant.
If you’ve been wanting to get pregnant, this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime moments. But if you’re like the over 60% of married couples who receive a surprise visit from the stork, the news can feel overwhelming. Even worse than telling your family members or children is the question of how—and more importantly, when—to tell your boss that you’re pregnant!
When to Share the News with Your Employer
Despite laws and litigation to protect expecting women from discrimination, we all know that it still happens. Your boss will likely be focused on how they will manage without you and who will take over your responsibilities. They may fret over the headaches of hiring temps, replacements, or worse yet, having to take on some of the work themselves. While employers may be fearful of firing a pregnant coworker, we all know it happens. It’s easy to find discrepancies when someone is looking for them, with termination being blamed on mistakes or poor performance.
The decision of when to tell your boss you’re pregnant depends largely on two things: the relationship you have with them, and your sense of job security.
If you and your boss share a reasonable friendship and they know about your desire to have children, the news may not come as a surprise. Many people chat around the office coffee pot about their lives, and it’s not uncommon for women to discuss the fact that they’re trying to get pregnant. In this case, telling them sooner rather than later probably won’t make a difference. However, if you’ve never shared your desire to get pregnant or if the pregnancy comes as a surprise, the news may shock your work family. Initially, they may be frustrated or even angry, but over time, this reaction will subside.
The issue many employers face is that when a woman leaves work to have a baby, her return isn’t always guaranteed. Combine this uncertainty with the fact that many pregnant women might not be able to keep up the hectic pace they once did, and you’ll likely be met with cautious congratulations. While you could reassure your boss that you’ll handle your responsibilities as well as before, you don’t necessarily have to do this!
If you’re not particularly close to your boss, there’s no harm in waiting a bit longer to share the news. Many women choose not to tell anyone about their pregnancy until after the first trimester, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with waiting until then to tell your boss. At the same time, hiding the truth can be unfair. Your boss needs to make future plans too, and showing them respect by providing a simple heads-up is the right thing to do.
If your job involves any tasks that may be harmful to your pregnancy, it’s important that your boss knows why you are not taking on certain responsibilities. If you need to miss work for doctor appointments, providing an explanation is essential. Often, when people understand what’s going on, they’re less likely to take action against you. It’s one thing to be absent from work for a few days without an explanation, but it’s another if you have a legitimate medical reason for it.
Some women worry not about when to tell the boss, but whether they should tell them at all. For women working in mostly male environments, those exerting a lot of physical labor, or those vying for an upcoming promotion, the news may not be met with enthusiasm. If you feel there’s a valid reason to keep the news to yourself—like the fear that it could hurt your career prospects—then the best advice is to wait until you can no longer hide it.
Navigating the Workplace and Pregnancy
The practice of asking women about their family lives or their plans to have children is supposed to be forbidden in the workplace. While employers may not directly ask you, they often wonder about women of childbearing age. If you’re a newlywed applying for an excellent job, chances are the human resources department is well aware that you might soon be on maternity leave.
For this reason, it might be wise to be upfront with people, especially during the hiring process. If you dream of having a family in 5-8 years, share that with your potential employer and reassure them that your plans aren’t imminent. The future is unpredictable, and things happen all the time that affect the stability of work environments. Given how many women are in the workforce, it’s hard to imagine that anyone would not hire or retain you because you might get pregnant one day.
If you encounter employers overly concerned about your potential pregnancy, it might be a good sign that you don’t want to work for them anyway. A good employer values flexibility and respect.
Ultimately, when to tell the boss you’re pregnant is a personal decision that requires careful thought. There are pros and cons to revealing the news too soon or too late. The important thing to remember is that you are protected by the legal system if any issues arise. After all, 85% of women in the workforce are also mothers, and managing both duties starts at conception. Use your judgment and trust that it’s possible to maintain separate professional and personal lives. There is no shame in pregnancy, and at the end of the day, your employer will have to deal with it, one way or another.
