Who Makes the Best Parent – Mom or Dad?

One of the most delightful books is What Mommies Do Best by Laura Numeroff. Perhaps one of the best things about the book is that a small child can simply turn it over, upside down, and inside out and get the same story, with the word “Daddies” replacing “Mommies.” It’s definitely a metaphor for modern parenting. Today, moms and dads are often intertwined in the process of raising their children, and parenting is no longer seen as something only moms can do. So, who makes the best parent—mom or dad?

The Role of Gender in Parenting

According to United States court records, moms are considered the best. In 2007, statistics showed that in 3 out of every 4 custody battles, custody was awarded to mothers. Even in cases where mothers showed signs of dysfunctional behavior, many court officials still viewed mothers and children as something that belong together. For dads on the losing side, desperately wanting either shared or sole custody of their children, the message is clear: to parent well, you must be female. However, this author tends to disagree with that message, and arguably, others might too.

Moms are good for a lot of things. They are often more nurturing and have a gentler, more innate way of handling a child, especially a baby. Mothers also tend to be “fixer-uppers,” always ready with a needle and thread to repair a teddy bear’s arm, no matter what time of day it falls off. They are the finders of lost socks, the ones who can always get the stains out, and definitely the go-to person when a heart is broken or a friend disappoints. Yet, in today’s world, mothers are often just as busy as dads, handling careers and juggling responsibilities. There are millions of single mothers today who are managing the pressures of raising children and providing for them solely. The media often capitalizes on stories of deadbeat dads, highlighting the irresponsible and negligent behavior of fathers who don’t care or can’t take care of their children. Constantly feeding the public this information robs dads of the credit they deserve. Sure, some dads fall short, but then again, so do some moms.

Many people blame this phenomenon on the idea that men and women are such different creatures, thinking, planning, and problem-solving in often-opposite ways. However, considering it takes two people to make a baby, it’s essential to recognize that it also takes both methods of parenting—male and female—to raise a child. Single moms might be shaking their heads at this moment, but bear with me. As parents, it’s responsible to acknowledge that two heads are better than one. While a mother might solve a problem one way, a father will solve it differently. The common denominator is that the problem gets solved, and children benefit doubly from learning how to do things from both perspectives. Saying that one method is better than the other is simply unfair.

Dads are often perceived as the strong, breadwinning figures. They aren’t given much credit for how they handle the pressures of raising a child or for their domestic abilities. The outdated stigma still lingers. Find a househusband, and all the neighborhood stay-at-home moms will adore him and wonder how his wife could be so lucky. They will also secretly criticize her inability or unwillingness to fulfill the traditional, expected motherly role. At the same time, in the back of a woman’s mind, she might wonder how she could respect a man who has taken on the role of a domestic diva. Women, no matter how liberated, often still want men to be “men.” And when men embrace their traditional roles, they’re sometimes seen as lackadaisical parents. It seems like a lose-lose situation.

The question, however, is not about what’s right, fair, justified, or nice. It’s about who makes the better parent. The answer is simple: the best parent for a child is the one who is happiest. It’s the one who puts their child’s best interests at the top of their priority list and is more concerned with parenting than befriending their child. The best parent is the one who shows up—emotionally and physically—during times of need and for the simple reason that they love their child. The best parent is the one who makes the sandwich in the morning, no matter what kind of bread they use or how they spread the peanut butter. The best parent is also the one who gets on their hands and knees and prays that their child will get good grades, break the fever, win the basketball game, or avoid the pitfalls of being a teenager, such as drug abuse or unintended pregnancy. The best parent is the one who smiles, laughs, plays, and takes the time to get to know their child for the individual they are. They love unconditionally, regardless of what’s happening in their own life.

So, who makes the best parent? Society says moms. Yet, there are surely a number of dads who would beg to differ. Parenting isn’t a competition, nor should adults be petty, constantly keeping score to prove who is the best parent in court one day. Children need all of their parents—whether male or female, and regardless of whether they share DNA or not. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, teachers, coaches, same-sex couples, and all others who genuinely love and responsibly care for a child’s needs and best interests—these are the best parents of all.

The life lesson here is found in the simple sentences contained in Laura Numeroff’s book. What mommies and daddies do best is love—differently, without a doubt. But better? It truly isn’t fair to judge.