It’s unthinkable. It’s frightening to consider. But as parents, it only makes sense to give some thought to the notion of who should raise your children in the event of your death. Deciding who should take over guardianship of your child if something were to happen to you is one of the most important clauses in your will. After all, no one plans to die before their child reaches legal adulthood. That being said, somewhere deep inside, you know it happens. Car accidents, freak incidents, and illness can suddenly change the fate of both you and your child.
How to Decide Who Should Raise Your Children
The question, of course, is how do you decide? Most parents immediately assume that they want family to take over guardianship. But before deciding that grandma and grandpa are the best solution, it’s important to take a realistic look at how well these older family members are doing financially and physically. If they are battling illnesses, dealing with disease, or living in assisted living facilities, then choosing them as a guardian may not be in the best interest of your family.
Legally speaking, not assigning guardianship is a big mistake. Many parents believe that in the event of a parent’s death, a sister or close relative will automatically gain custodial rights of the children. The problem is that, unless you have guardianship designated, nearly anyone can stand up and ask for the responsibility—whether it’s a long-lost, uninvolved parent or a distant family member. Suddenly, your children aren’t just dealing with the tragic loss of their parents but are also faced with the uncertainty of their future. Additionally, if you and your co-parent are divorced but both have custodial rights, it is crucial that you both name the same person in your wills to take care of the children. Otherwise, a legal mess will arise should both of you pass.
Important Considerations When Choosing a Guardian
Experts advise parents to resolve themselves to the fact that no one will ever be quite “good enough” to replace them. After all, as a parent, you think you are the best person to raise your children—and rightfully so. Once you can move past the horror of even thinking about this scenario, you can begin to use clear judgment when naming a guardian.
Firstly, ask yourself a few questions about the people you’re considering:
- What impact would their guardianship have on the kids?
- Would your children have to move far away from friends and family they are close to?
- Do the potential guardians have the time, energy, and financial resources to raise your child?
- Do you and this person share the same values, morals, and life goals?
- Who would your children choose if it were up to them, and would this person be a good fit?
- And of course, would the person be willing to take on the responsibility of your child(ren) in the event of your death?
Once you narrow down the list to a few candidates, it’s essential to talk to these potential guardians. It’s a decision they must be fully on board with, and you should spend time discussing your goals and wishes for your children. Additionally, taking financial steps to ensure the transition to the new guardianship is swift is also very important. If your chosen guardians are in agreement, you can lay this matter to rest and, hopefully, never have to think about it again. However, even if you’ve legally appointed guardianship, ugly custody battles can and often do arise from family members who may disagree with your decision. This is yet another reason to talk to your extended family about your decision and explain why you’ve made it.
Years ago, it was customary for parents to name Godparents at the time of a child’s birth. But today, according to statistics, only about 1/4th of all children born have Godparents listed on legal documentation. More often than not, the appointment of Godparents is based on tradition and custom rather than what is best for the child—especially since the appointment is usually made so early in a child’s life.
The reality is that, according to the American Bar Association, only 8% of parents today think about legal documentation concerning the custody of their child in the event of their death. However, if a parent dies or becomes seriously ill, this number jumps to 56%. Considering that we never know what tomorrow holds or can predict the future, making decisions like this is an important part of being a responsible parent. It’s also something you should review periodically, taking into account the changing needs of your children and the ever-evolving dynamics of your family.
